Life was kinda, well, Normal, there for a while - what happened/

"Somebody"]Socrates; maybe. Anyway "The only difference between Heaven and hell, Horatio, is thinking makes it so".
I was tip toeing through a not so bad period where I was living in my own little apartment, visiting my Dad at least, say 2 times a month in the Nursing Home (200 miles away), going to flea markets to try to sell a few of my items I've collected over the years, reconnected with a couple old friends, had my refrigerator raided by my indigent son 29 or so times, caught on, if I buy Soya milk and black beans and stuff he doesn't like, my food lasts longer. Things were ok. I was de-stressing and not nearly having the pain and anxiety I'd had for the previous three years.
I got "the call" from the Nursing home. Dad has very aggressive cancer on his tongue and has between 2 weeks to 4 months max, to live.
So, I got busy. Last two weeks seeking Palliative Care here in our area as opposed to 400 miles round trip, away in a facility where they work wonders with dementia patients but cancer/palliative care, maybe 2 weeks of training ten years back for most of them. Now I have a problem. Care coordinator says "he's got a nursing home bed, we have no reason to move him. Well I sure as heck do. He has two brothers one sister, nieces, nephews, friends, me, his POA and caregiver, etc. etc. here in this area and they need him here. They are (the sibs) too old to drive 400 miles to visit their dying brother. I am everyday, almost all day on the phone or awaiting a call about the latest "no", about what will and will not be possible.
So, against all advice, my son's (the fridge raider), and many others, I say, two weeks to 4 months, I can do this. palliative care, Peritoneal Care, VON, can all come here. As long as he's around his loved ones, his dog, me, his brothers and sisters, my sons etc. I can do this. If he survives 4 months, which he won't, but should he, well then we'll re-evaluate. At least I can sit by his bed and hold his and while death comes roughly through the dark, dark, night.

So sorry your family is going through this, Tyno.  I have a friend that is going through the same thing right now with her parents...both are dying of Alzheimers and its complications and the only people they recognize are each other.  They took them out of the same facility and moved her mother about an hour away...why?  Just because she is worse than her father and they want his bed for someone else.  The family is driving back and forth...he wants to know where his wife is...he has gotten violent and has been put in restraints because he is so confused...why do they do this to dying people???

My prayers are with you.

Huggies

Donna

Tyno, I'm sorry you and your family are going through this.  I was one of the caregivers for both of my parents.  Against all the "professionals" advice we kept Dad at home and family gave him 24/7 care.  He lived 6 months and none of us regret what we did.  Mom was with us for 6 years.  That was harder but again, none of us regret what we did.  We all were with both of them when they died.   You and your family know what is best for your dad.  Bless all of you.

I feel for you, I am lucky nieither of my parents are in that place yet also here they would not need to be so far away my father in law was only put into care the last day because he was cared for at home until that last day. And then only because the doctors did not want the pressure of it on MIL. We have never regreated having him at home for that last few months. Yes he had quality of life and he lived at lot longer then they believed he would but the grandchilren had that time with him. I can only say bless you spend that time with him you will never get it back. My grandmother spent her last 3 months in a home and the family where so sorry that it happened but we lived 5 hours away and my mother and I could not look after her as we had young children and she became quite disruptive in the end. Love your Dad.


Kathy


FMS, CFS, IBS, Migraine

Wow Tyno.  Your dad is fortunate to have you.  I hope this works out and they find him a good place to stay or at least get you some help while he is at your house.

Sue

The way fate fell into place it was a "no brainer". Thank-you again.