People just don't believe me!

I have a handicap placard. I use it a lot, mainly because the cold makes me hurt, so I usually have to use a cane. I get looks all the time from older people, and heck, even younger people that are close to my age. Today, we went to the store and, Alex and I were in the car while my hubby was putting the groceries in the car. His aunt and uncle saw him putting groceries in the car and said he wasn't handicap, and he said that I was. But they said I wasn't either. He said that my doctor said I was, but they just didn't believe him. They don't think that I need the placard. They don't even really know me. What I hate about this illness is that people can't really see it. They think I look fine, even when I'm using a cane. I try to ignore it, and I do when it is strangers. But this was my hubby's aunt and uncle. I don't like being judged, and I am tired of people not thinking that since I have a handicap placard, that means the doctor signed off on it. And if the doc signed off on it, that means he thinks I need it. *sighs* I just hate it. It really upsets me. I just really needed to rant about his. It just really hurts me and bothers me. People just don't see how badly I feel.

It used to hurt me, Sassy, but now I really don't care what anyone thinks.  They were basically calling you and your doctor a liar.  Remember, people like that aren't the brightest bulbs in the chandelier.  They are just flat out foolish.

 

You can hold your head up high because you are not doing one single thing wrong, you are perfectly legal,  AND you aren't going around hurting other people like they are.  Shame on them!

 

Sherrine

I totally sympathize. I had a co-worker who mocked my limping and gimping. He did a little
gimp dance and made fun of me. I thought it was stupid because I'm 30+ years older than
he is. I told him it hurt real bad. When I finally ended up having knee surgery for torn
maniscus, torn cartelidge, chrondo himma (crunching of knee) he subsided in the joking as he found out I wasn't faking it. I was out of work for 3 months and when I returned my knee
wasn't where it belonged and hurt worse than before the surgery. Finally I found the herbals
I'm on now and it rebuilt the damage and the knee is slowly returning to where it should be.
I realize they think it's funny to make light of what is going on with us. Even when I was
25 and had lots of problems with my arthritis my ex thought I was making it up. Same with
my family. It's a different story now....30 years later.

Hope things straighten out for you. People can be such idiots when they don't understand.
I think only by living with what we have can they finally grasp what our reality is.

That is really too bad that they have to be like that. When we were camping someone teased me because I had a walking stick (different from a cane). He asked, "do you really need the stick?" He thought I was using it for show. He wouldn't believe me when I told him that I usually walk with a cane and I was using the stick because it was easier in the camping terrain. I finally told him to ask hubby who comfirmed that, yes, I really did need the stick.

Most of the time, though, people are really nice. What makes me angry is finding someone in the disabled parking spot who does not have a placard. I do not use the disabled spot unless I really need it and if there is a non disabled one close by, I save the disabled one for someone else. I mostly find this occurring at the discount grocery store. Sometimes I go back home if there is no where for me to park because I always need the spot when grocery shopping.

Sue

I hear ya here too. I have this problem at work actually. Apparently I do a really good job hiding it at work, because I told a co-worker about me having fibro the other day, and her response was, "you'd never know it." And in a way, I feel as if that's a compliment. But at the same time, when I AM having a bad day, its as if no one believes me. They are like, "but you seemed fine earlier/yesterday/etc." And my boss is the worst, she absolutely doesn't understand. She thinks she has bent over backwards for me when in all reality she did one little thing for me. *sighz* When is the rest of the world ever gonna get a clue?

Perception is pretty nuts sometimes.

I'll have days where I'm really pale, trembly, my walk is way off, and cant get a sentence out without messing it up. My hubby takes one look at me and says go lay down. Oddly enough on some days like that I wont always have a lot of pain and wont even feel that bad. I'll get annoyed because if I'm doing something people will want to do it for me and if I say I'm ok really I get that ya sure ya are look. (I've actually had my mother in law call an ambulance on me even though both my husband and I said  I was ok, kind of a funny story but a lil to long to post).

Other days I apparently look fine but I feel beaten, battered, and exhausted. I'll go lay down or wont want to go do something since I feel real bad and ya get that attitude from people of .... well you look fine.......

Always struck me as odd how it works out that way sometimes and I occasionally wish there was some obvious sign people could see to know that no I'm not lying I really am fine, or no I'm not exaggerating it really is a bad day.

Wow, I cannot believe people made fun of you guys right out in the open like that. I am always shocked when I hear of something like that. How can people be so mean? I always ask myself. [It's always the same conversation.] And I finally figured out the answer. Mean people have either never experienced hardship or real loss, a life-changing event like death or birth; and they're usually selfish, because they would need to care deeply about something besides themselves in order to feel empathy or compassion. This disconnect is actually a disconnection from life. So I have an easier time mentally dismissing their shallowness, and am able to feel sorry for them because they will just have to come back and do it again in the next life. :)

Backing away from philosophy and deeper puddles, I have been experiencing that feeling of not being believed a lot lately because I have been home from work going on 3 weeks now, from the extreme pain of a really bad flare. Pain so bad I can hardly wear clothes (except for my blessed silk thermals), pain so bad I can't stand up straight, and sleep disturbance. My BF is totally supportive in every way of me not working while I wait for Social Security Disability's decision; we are grateful he has jobs lined up thru winter (he's a journeyman pipe insulator). But he gets super frustrated because he can't SEE what's wrong with me, and needs more specifics from me on how to "read" my pain. Certain types of men always have to fix things or they feel powerless, I think. To me this means that I need to really communicate specifically to try and explain to my family how I'm feeling; I can see that path now that illustrates how my family's frustration means they really care and empathize, so that makes it easier for me to deal with their frustration. SO friends, loved ones, and work gets to know what I feel like even if I don't look sick. Everyone else can kiss my grits if they don't think I'm hurting. :)

Sassy, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this. pain is hard to begin with, then to be thrown that back in your face is just unfair. Maybe blame it on the season? Everyone has more stress this time of year. A period when we should all be at our best sometimes brings out the worst in us.

Littleneck, I LOVE the way you think. I will look at people differently from now on, and may actually feel sorry for those *&$*# that are so rude! lol