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Ingratitude? (mini vent) Can anyone relate?

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Posted 2/19/2010 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
Okay--I'm a little miffed and just have to get this off my chest.  It's not earth-shattering, but it bugs me.

For Christmas '09 I made several batches of minestrone soup, bought decorative Christmas jars, and gave them as gifts to 1) the mailman, 2) the garbageman, 3) my brother's family, 4) a couple who are longtime friends of ours, and 5) another family who are friends. (The last family is large, and I gave them 2 batches, BTW.)

Please realize I'm not sitting here with a checkoff "did they thank me?" list, but...well, it's a little disheartening to see that I never got one thank you from any of them!

I know the ingredients were fresh, the soup was fine and all that, so no--it's not that.

We occasionally get a quick thank you note from the mailman about every other year, but fine--no big deal.

The garbage man has not thanked us for anything though we have given a gift for years.

A couple years ago I splurged at Christmas and got 2 Guidepost magazine subscriptions for relatives which I believed would enjoy the magazine, since they like similar magazines.  I also got 2 rather expensive books for two other relatives.  You guessed it--not one thank you from any of the bunch.

Yeah, we ALL get too busy and forgetful, and maybe that's why no one said anything.  But I gotta tell ya--winter is my worst time of the year, and feeling lousy as I do with the fibro, frankly I was proud of my efforts to make and give homemade gifts.  Maybe that's what bugs me most of all. I put a lot of time and effort and care into the gifts, when I could have been relaxing in bed.

On the up side, I do have a relative and a few friends who genuinely seem to be thankful for any little gift or card.  I find that refreshing!

I've decided to put my gift-giving efforts elsewhere next Christmas and just stick to cards for the rest!  I have a friend who was into drugs BIGTIME as a teen and is now in her late 40s.  She is very disabled, doesn't think clearly, but she is the FIRST to say "thanks" for any small gift or gesture.  How we could all learn from her!

Anyway, maybe it seems silly to vent, but I guess particularly with my siblings it bugs me since we were always raised to be appreciative.  Have we all gotten too busy as a society that we can't take time to breathe or think anymore?  Sometimes I wonder......

Thanks for listening.  I feel a little better now.

Posted 2/19/2010 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
I sure can relate!  I inherited a diary that my GGGGrandmother wrote, starting in 1850 and ending in 1888.  She talked about the Civil War, the neighbors that fought, and even recorded Lincoln's assination.  The writing was so tiny and it was that decorative writing to boot.  I spent several years reading through it and comprising some family trees that I gleaned from the diary.  I typed for over six months with every spare moment I had.  I read through the manuscript three times and my husband read through it once for any mistakes. ..all 148 pages of it. 

 

Then, we purchased special "antique-looking" paper and printed enough for 16 copies because I wanted to give copies to my cousins in that family line.  My husband took these to work, purchased covers and backs and spiral bound each manuscript and family tree.  Then, we purchased boxes, packed and mailed these out all over the country.  Yep, you guessed it.  No one even bothered to acknowledge that they even received it!  I know they did because I traced the shipments. 

 

I'm now working on books that trace the numerous my family lines from the time they stepped foot in the "New World"...in 1630.  I'm doing historical stories along with the genealogy and guess who will NOT be receiving copies.  My children and my nephews will get these and can pass the family history down through the family.  The others are flat out of luck.  I'll only be "used" once.

 

Sherrine  

Posted 2/19/2010 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
OMG Sherrine if someone did that for me I would kiss their feet. But I have found that not everyone is into genealogy and really don't care about their dead relatives and I have been told that by some.

 

Sadly, I have a 22 yr old grandson that is the most ungrateful person I know in our family and he has pretty much made it on everyone's *()& list, mine included. My sister made him the most gorgeous quilt that she worked on and off on for three years that was suppose to be for his high school graduation but she only got it finished around this Christmas. It's all about music done in red, black and gold. He has her address, phone # and email address and he has never thanked her for it. I know she is really hurt over this. She has diabetic neuropathy in her hands. I would be safe in saying when his college graduation comes he won't be getting anything from her. He was not raised like that.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 2/19/2010 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
I can relate. I have inlaws in another country. Every year I work alllll year, trying to find the perfect things for MIL and step daughters. I have never, ever received even a word from them. Year after year, I do this because I love my hoosband. For my MIL, in particular, I work hard to find something special and unique. I never know if she gets the gifts, or what she thinks about it, or if she thinks I'm super stoopid for thinking she'll like it. The daughters- forget about it. I know they hate me, so what, I still compile things I know they like all through the year. After last Xmas, I have decided to give it all a rest. I've just had enough. I've been doing this for 10 years and I feel that I have done enough. I should say also, that in that decade nothing has been ever sent here for any holiday, birthday, nothing. So- I feel ok about ending my gift commitment. Here's what I think- no response, no thanks, no 'wow that is so cool', 'wow you must have worked all year on this', all this non-verbal communication is telling me exactly what they think of me. Their message is getting across the ocean loud and clear LOL I hope MY message this year is just as obvious. devil
Posted 2/19/2010 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, Sherrine and Marlee2--yes, both those incidents would do it for me, too! ARRGH!

I guess maybe the fact that these people are healthy and take so much for granted (speaking of the ungrateful here) is what bugs me most.  There are some people, for example the very elderly or very handicapped, whom I would never expect a "thank you" from.  As I said, we were raised to be appreciative, but I think there's some sort of jealousy issue going on.  There are problems in their lives which I don't have, and my life may look easy to them--from the outside.  But they don't have a clue as to how hard things really are. If I'm not able to show up at a family event, I'm the "bad guy" and the gossip faucet turns on, along with some not-so-well hidden snide remarks.  Oh well.  We do what we can, right?

Posted 2/19/2010 6:40 PM (GMT 0)
Sera Smiles--I hear you, too.  I've busted my butt a few too many times, and I think I'll take a deserved rest.  Yup--just sticking to cards and good wishes!

Such pettiness and ignoring the job someone did for you does seem odd though, doesn't it?  I have a friend who's a nun and she's super busy tutoring, helping teachers, etc.  No spring chicken either.  But if I send her anything, she responds very quickly with a quick note of (true) gratitude.  Now that's class, IMO!

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