Depressed

I am really feeling down, as I told my family last week after a few hours of tears I hate me. I hate that I carry the extra weight, I hate not being able to even get in the garden because my legs and right arm always hurt so much. I hate that I am tired all the time.

I just want to go and hide, just not have to face anyone with me being how I am now. The feeling of wanting to cry all the time. Simple things make me cry. Sometimes my family are a big help with it.

Sometimes I just need to be held, but who is going to do that me? My husband can't handle me crying he just leaves, and my DD living at home is suffering from depression as well so I hate to make things harder for her.

It's the little things that get to me. Eating well I should be as thin as you can get, food has no appeal to me it has not for 6 weeks or so.

I make sure I eat breakfast about 7 am each morning. Then maybe a small meal at night.

See a GP you say, well I was doing that he was decideing what to give me. I went in looking forward to getting help and he told me I was a drug attact because I take 20 temtabs  every two weeks, Tramadon

2 Per day over 14 days, how does that make me a druggie he gave them too me. That is the only pain killer I take, He has shut down his practice with no notice.

Now I have to start all over again with a new GP this coming Thursday afternoon.

He has all my files, [I hope] I am just fed up. And we all know how the weather plays a big part in our pain, so all last year it was wetter then normal this year with all the floods [Australia] and the rain never seeming to stop the flare has never stopped. I go out and smile and try to be normal. My DD gets married on the 7th May, so I am trying to cope with that just the idea of it gets to me, being there smiling when I hurt so bad. Giving her support helping out as she needs me. She understands but I hate that I can not be a Mum who does more.

My right shoulder is frozen as they call it so the Fibro does not help that at all, just more pain into my body. It means most days my right arm willl not go to chest hight,  and no higher I do all the exercises I have been given for it.

I just hope my new GP is caring, I have told my family if need be I will travel for 2 hoours to another town to see a GP who will help me.

I am just fed up with life as I live in pain, exhaustion, constant headackes, my life seems so dismal at present.

Kathy

(((((Kathy))))), I'm so sorry you are feeling so down...I think we all have somedays where we are frustrated and tired of the pain and everthing that goes with crazy fibro. Having a good cry helps me release some of the pain and frustration.

I have to work hard at trying to stay in a positive frame of mind. Sometimes looking for an ounce of humor in a bad situation helps.
An example...besides fibro, I have a combo of connective tissue diseases that are forever giving me a whole new look. My face is forever changing. I have dents from atrophy, a patch on my forehead that looks like a bike tire patch, some scarring from lesions, my skin is getting tighter and drawn from scleroderma and
my left temporal area is bulging veins. Two weeks ago, I was put on a high dosage prednisone. I woke up with a big ole MOON FACE
this morning, but happy that my face doesn't look so dented.

Counting my blessings help me, Six months ago I was worried I wasn't going to be able to smile because of skin tightening. I can still smile..now I just look like a happy full moon when doing so..lol.

Try to concentrate on happy times...your DD wedding. Do things just for you that give you pleasure. You have a whole lotta good living to do. You are a strong woman and I hope that your new doc
will be a caring, compassionate and help you find relief soon!

Oh, your frozen shoulder. Is it due to adhesive capsulitis? I had cortisone shots in my left shoulder and did 3 months of physical therapy...it was hard work but my shoulder is like new. Hope that can happen for you too :)

Sending gentle hugs your way...good healing vibes and prayers. my friend!

Hugs, Robin

Hi Kathy,

(((((HUGS))))). . . I too hope that your new GP is kind and understanding. Try not to think about it until the time comes. Same with the wedding. Though I know you will probably have a lot of responsibility with it. But take it as it comes.

You might want to consider counseling. It really does help. This would help you with everything from the fibromyalgia to the wedding. I think it is something to consider. I go and it helps me tremendously.

Stay in the moment. And as was posted above, do something nice for yourself. You deserve it. Even if it is something small like a nice relaxing bath. But getting out would help too. I don't get out enough and have to force myself sometimes. Even a short walk would help.

I hope that you feel better soon. Have a happy and painfree day.

Hugs, Karen

Thank you everyone

We had the bridal shower on Saturday niight, we laughed until we almost cried.

It felt so good, then the yesterday the pain arrived it was going to rain, guess what it started to rain about 7am this morning.

I am going to be positive, we are going to the church tomorrow to talk to the Pastor's wife about decorating the church. It will 'look beautiful, they may be only having a small reception but they are going to invite a lot of their friends to the wedding it's self. People get so shocked when we say the bridesmaids are wearing black with green trim. I just love the look on their faces, it gives me something to look forward to.

As we discussed we are so busy with family things from now to the wedding. Birthdays and birthday partys and also a big family reunion this is my fathers family which is great. I am really close to my Aunts and Uncles. It gives me something to look forward too.

And if it is not raining over Easter we ARE going camping, maybe the rest of the family will come or not. Camping is my time to relax and just be. All I need to do is just sit and read or sleep. And it is only half an hour from our hou

Life can only go up it can't go down

Kathy

 

Kathy, I'm happy for you too! A positive attitude will help!

"Willingness to use trust and knowing will come to you only through your thoughts."

"Miracles can only happen when you get rid of the concept of "impossible" and allow yourself to experiance the magic of knowing." Have a beautiful day:)

Hugs, Robin