I have a decision to make...

This isn't directly fibro-related but my fibro comes into play. You know that housework is one of the two things that couples usually fight over. My wife is definitely on the "lazy" end of the spectrum, and even though we'd mutually agreed that she'd only be responsible for a few things around the house even those things don't get done. Case in point-One of her (three) duties is dishes. Friday we had a barbeque. I did most of the food prep and generated very few dishes, and there was enough room in the dishwasher for them to be loaded and run. The darn dishes were still sitting in the sink this morning! Seriously! We have a freaking dishwasher! Additionally, I could vent all day about how frustrated I am right now while recovering from surgery and she's not doing even a quarter of what needs to be done around the house and she swore she'd do (otherwise I wouldn't have had the surgery).

But, even before I had surgery I was reaching my breaking point in regards to my fibro limiting my ability to do housework. I told her with moving to a bigger house that if I wasn't getting help in keeping the house clean I would be quitting my job to stay home and run the household. I'm due to go back to work after July 7th but am all ready debating about whether I'm going to go back at all. Mentally, I can't handle the frustration of trying to keep up a house while working 30 hours a week and of her not doing what she's promised to do. On the best of days I could keep everything up and also work but those days were few and far between before surgery and usually meant a flare the next day. I feel like for my own sanity and the sake of keeping the household running smoothly it'd be better if I didn't work. Financially, we can sort of afford it but it would be trading one issue for another, really. Can anyone relate and maybe advise? I'm seriously at my wit's end with this issue. She tells me "You knew I was lazy when you married me" (sort of tongue-in-cheek). I'm ready to give her the consequences of her laziness, namely not having any money to have fun with anymore.

I wouldn't leave my job in this economy!  But, since you could sorta make it on one income, that means you can get a maid or a cleaning woman that can come in a few times a week.  Have the money come out of your wife's paycheck.  That way, she doesn't have to clean, since she isn't doing her part anyway, and you can enjoy a clean house, too.

 

Sherrine

I know this sounds crazy, but I WISH I could do all that housekeeping-lol. But I do understand. My hubby and dtr have had to pitch in. They know I can't pick things up off the floor, so when they drop it, it stays. Drives me nuts tho-lol. Don't quit yr job...good luck

Maggie

Some people have a habit of putting dishes in the sink instead of rinsing and putting them in the dishwasher. It's often the way their mom did it before them. I don't, but my dil does because her mom does. It drives my son crazy. Also, these same people wait to run the dishwasher until past when it's full. When it's full they continue to fill the sink. I go down to my son's house and fill the washer and run it. If there are too many dishes, they can wait for the next load. If it's pots, I wash at least a few by hand.

Maybe you could wash some of the pots by hand, or just put some of the dishes in the washer and run it.

I also agree with getting the housekeeper. If the incomes are separate or there is some consideration about that, it should come out of hers. Yours could be considered going to medical expenses. You have plenty of those with fibro.

I have a housekeeper once a month, more than I can afford. I leave the vaccuuming, dusting & bathrooms which hurt my impinged shoulder, concentrate on keeping surfaces cleared - the secret to a clean house!

Thanks for everyone's input! I know quitting work altogether is probably the worst idea. My job is emotionally stressful and I think that has a lot to do with how drained I feel all the time. I think I've decided to stick it out for now but try to change to a different department that's less stressful when I get back after my surgery leave. If that doesn't help or the opportunity doesn't come around for two months then I'll reevaluate. I just might look into a cleaning service, too. It's been floating around in my head anyway, and I kind of think that if I just had someone come in once a week to do the floors and dusting it'd be a lot better. Hiring a cleaning service feels both like I've failed and she gets her way with the laziness, though. The boys are starting to be held responsible for some chores now but they're the ones she's supposed to do. I guess she'll just be reduced to "don't make things worse" and we'll have to work on simply picking up after herself. *sigh*

Honestly, overall I think I'll have to find a new job altogether. I'm burning out on my current job and sitting for six hours at a time is really painful. Legally I can't look for a different job right now while I'm on FMLA but I might start looking as soon as I'm released to go back. I do have an issue where FMLA is concerned, also. When I get back I'll only have one week left until next March. I think the summer heat is helping as I'm not having much issue right now. I've got a whole winter to get through before then, though. My HR person has told me not to stress too much about going over on the FMLA leave by a day or two (I have intermittent leave in effect), and our absence policy is such that I might be okay even if I miss two days a month unexcused. Only time will tell in that area, I guess.