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I'm making some changes...

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Posted 8/26/2011 11:41 AM (GMT 0)
I saw my doctor on Monday for a follow-up with my fibro. Among other things, I talked to him about my memory issues and fogginess and he said sometimes that plus my sleep issues equals depression. Yes, I've been under more stress than usual for the last month or so. I'm also still finding it difficult to deal with the everyday pain. I was diagnosed with organic clinical depression at 15. That's really only a problem when I'm under a lot of stress or SAD kicks in but I was told it'd be a low-level issue my entire life so naw, really, me depressed? He prescribed generic Zoloft, so I'm giving that a try.

After my doctor left the room my wife turned to me and said "So you might need an anti-depressant just to be 'normal' now? That's not right." She echoed my thoughts exactly. I'm all for meds for anyone if they're needed and my wife is totally supportive about me taking anything I need, but considering I know what's causing any depression I have this has kind of shocked me into starting to make some changes. First thing is I'm going to quit smoking. I've smoked for 15 years and it's going to suck but it needs to be done. The second is that I put in my resignation at work. I know, that's a bad idea on so many levels but work is a major cause of stress for me. I hate my job and getting into the car to go to work makes my stomach churn. Also, on Wednesday we were told we have mandatory overtime until further notice, which historically could mean a week to 6 months or more. Seriously, I can't work more than 30 hours a week at this job for many reasons, one of which is that I have a lot more pain if I work more hours. More hours=more pain=more absences and I'm all ready hanging by a thread where absences are concerned. There is a chance I'll be able to transfer to a different department with much less stress but there's a rumor of a large cutback (cut me so I can get unemployment, please!), the department I'm in is understaffed right now and with my absence issues I don't really think I'll be eligible for transfer.

While I'm looking for a new job I'm also going to look into going back to college, see if there are grants and such I can get. I desperately want to be a paralegal but have been told the best starting point right now in this economy is legal secretary, which is a one-year certificate program. The third is that I'm going to volunteer somewhere, anywhere that has kids or animals. I'm so tired of the drudgery of everyday life, work and home, with nothing really to show for productivity besides a clean house and a number on paper at work.

Am I crazy to be doing this? That's probably the wrong question to ask but all of this has been slowly simmering for a while and I kind of knew it was inevitable. It's just to the point that I'd rather have no money and feel better than have money but not be able to enjoy life as much as I could otherwise. Financially we could squeak by on just my wife's income and after tax time we'd be a lot better off with most of our medical bills paid off. I tried so hard to make it until tax time but it's just not going to happen. I just feel like I'm going to implode if something doesn't change. I guess that's what it comes down to, really.
Posted 8/26/2011 3:43 PM (GMT 0)
If you could, I would see if the antidepressants work on making you feel better. But that can take six to eight weeks before you know. They also can help with some of the pain you are experiencing. Take this one day at a time. Don't make any big decisions while you are depressed. Think them over carefully. You don't wnat to get into a bad financial situation.

I wish for you all the best.

Hopefully somebody will come on with better advice.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/26/2011 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
It is scary to go without any income, but you'd be surprised how it might actually work out. Expenses are cut when one person stays home. I once had a job I hated and it motivated me to start an at-home business. I am losing income at home currently because I feel so bad I haven't been getting much work done. Anyway, a horrible job can be a motivator...if you can decrease your stress that will help you quit the smoking, that in itself is going to save you a LOT of money now and health issues down the line.
Posted 8/26/2011 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
I think it's great that you're making changes. It takes a lot of guts to tackle everything head on and I think it is admirable. I think it may be beneficial for you to talk with a psychologist as well. I was on Effexor XR when I first was diagnosed with Fibro due to the pain and anxiety. I was on it for 3.5 years, while I didn't notice it at the time, when I finally had the resolve to ween off of it I realized how much I hated being on it. I am currently on no medications for the Fibro. I did decide to see a psychologist to help me deal with my stress. Before the Fibro I used to be great in stressful situations, now it is so easy to get wrapped up in it and get depressed. I think because my whole body gets thrown for a loop when I'm under so much stress. It's learning a whole new way of living and dealing with hard situations.

I wish you the best of luck with all of your changes. I believe that if you have the determination to do something you have to take advantage and do it then. Once you lose it it may never come back.

If you have any questions about being a paralegal I would be happy to try to help. I am a paralegal. I went to paralegal school full time while working full time soon after I was diagnosed with Fibro. I needed a career change because my previous one was too demanding. I would have to say that you may have better luck at a legal secretary than a paralegal at this point, although some paralegals are in more demand than attorneys since companies can bill the paralegal's time and pay them less. I think either one is a good career choice. With the economy the way it is, it is very hard to find any profession that is not effected.
Posted 8/26/2011 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
I think you are on the right track!  Before you put in your resignation, why not call in sick and let them cut you so you will have unemployment.  It sure beats struggling with financial worries.  You do have the reasons right now, too.  You are going through a rough patch.

 

When my husband died suddenly, I did a lot of crying.  After all, who wouldn't?  When I met my new doctor, they wouldn't let me leave the office without a month's supply of Zoloft.  Now, wait just a minute!  Yes, I was depressed but I had a reason to be depressed, too, and I knew I didn't usually have a depressed personality.  So, I went home and threw the meds away and I did work out of it.  Golly!  What did people do that had mild depression years ago...before medication arrived on the scene?  They worked it out!  If you see things aren't getting better for you depression-wise, then  you can do something about it.  But right now you don't think it's right for you so that means it isn't!

 

I smoked for 13 years and kicked the habit.  If you have children, that will help you.  Just look at them and realize you might not see them grow up if you continue to smoke!  That's what I did.  I wanted to see them as adults, see what they looked like, see what field they ended up in as far as work, etc.  I also prayed and that helped me a lot, too.  That was January 16, 1979.  I haven't smoked since and actually can't stand to be around smoke now.  You will get that way too. 

 

I'm proud of  your decisions.  I just bet your wife is too!  Congratulations and I wish you all the best luck in completing the "new you".  Let us know because we do care about you.  If you need a shoulder or a helping hand, we are here for you.

 

Sherrine

Posted 8/26/2011 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
I suffer from chronic depression myself. Depression can mask many things. I can understand where you are at, but I hope you try the medication before making huge steps in your life. I did what you did and I really regret just stoping work. If I just put an FMLA in, I could of received more benefits for sometime. I had horrible cognitive problems with my depression, but with the depression under control it has been so much better. My dr. told mr that depression causes many problems such as chronic pain, cognitive problems, etc. Maybe you can take FMLA and try your antidepressants. FMLA is good for 12 wks., see how you feel. Why your off you can look at your college info. and rest. Try one of those electric cigarettes, my friend enjoys hers. I am not sure if you have long term insurance where you work, but I had that when I got sick. I have been off work for two years and I now receive social security and long term disability. I was glad I did the steps I was telling you about on this job, istead of just quiting. We are all different, but I just wanted to tell you what I experienced. Good luck!
Posted 8/26/2011 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
I am right with you, evenkeel. I am on the verge of big changes too - next week is my last week of full time work.

I am not in a position to wait for certain benefits or other some such, since I have been self employed so I am really winging it and hoping I can make it work financially as my husband does not make enough to cover us both. But my doctors both believe that my work is exacerbating my fibro and I can not keep up any more.

I am also looking into going back to school.

So, I guess it comes down to, I really understand where you are coming from. I have always been a planner and the sort of person who would never quit a job without having something else lined up. But I know now that I NEED to be brave and do this. So we can be brave and do it together.
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