After years of denial here I am.........

I was diagnosed with Fybromyalgia 19 years ago......within a couple years of a serious car accident. My neck and shoulder pain was not going away regardless of every type of therapy.

Back then I felt "Fybromyalgia" was a name they gave to people when they couldn't find the real cause of constant pain. I marched through constant pain always linking it to my car accident. I would seek out the most physical jobs I could find just to prove my doctor wrong.

Well here I am 19 years later, older and hopefully wiser. When pain and work had constant colisions I gave in to my doctors request to see a Rheumatologist. After a 13 month wait......what did he say the problem was? Fybromyalgia. I found myself laughing while this doctor looked at me like I was crazy. Next question for him......soooooo give me some pills to get rid of it!! Lyrica was the drug of choice. 2 months later and 25 pounds heavier I said goodbye to the Lyrica. I felt fantastic while taking it.....but to continue that kind of weight gain in the long term would bring piles of new medical issues. Next...........Cymbalta. So far it has done nothing to help. It has created the most bizarre dreams ever. Some interesting and some horrific.

I have a very physical job as a Correctional Officer. As a female in this occupation there are hurdles without throwing into the mix pain, exhaustion and a memory that fails me daily. I am thankful daily that I have a union and a contract that prevents me from ever being fired because of my "physical disability". With alternating 60 hour work weeks I tend to fall apart regularly. Admitting that in itself was awful.

I look forward to reading and gaining insight on what other options I have that might help me to lead a normal life.

Thank-you for your post and info.

I have promised my doctor I will stay on Cymbalta for 2 more weeks before making a final decision.

I take Amitryptyline in the evenings to help sleep.....this does help me.

I take Demerol by 2pm on work days to help with pain so I can complete my shifts. If I could feel the way I do about 30 minutes after taking.....but keep that all day I would be great. I refuse to allow myself more than one tablet daily regardless of how much pain I am in. I generally do not take on days off.

Cymbalta 60mg once daily.....for about a month now approx...so far does absolutely nothing good or bad.

I have tried the all or nothing approach. After 3 weeks of different "withdrawl" type symptoms I fell flat on my face and was not able to function. Walking from my bedroom to the livingroom was so painful it brought tears to my eyes. I was off work for 4 weeks trying to cope, couldnt do it so in the end I had to decide that taking meds like it or not did give me some quality of life back. I gained a new appreciation for just how good I felt even at my worst while taking my meds.

Exercise:

I swim twice a week. I used to be a competitive swimmer so this was a natural way for me to get exercise. I push past the pain and swim 2kms with each workout. My goal is to swim 2 lake crossing swims next summer. I don't care how much Demerol I have to take to do it....I will do it.

At work I average 10kms of walking per shift. This includes ALOT of stairs......6 sets of stairs twice per hour. Honestly exercise is not helping me.

I used to think I was a baby when it came to pain tolerance. I now believe I tolerate my pain quite well, even on the days I whine....ALOT. I don't tell anyone my diagnosis as most people don't believe Fybromyalgia is real. My employer has asked for my diagnosis.....even my doctor refuses to allow them access to this information for the reasons that 1. they are not allowed to ask for a diagnosis and 2. Fybromyalgia is not considered a real condition by many.

I am a parent of 2 very busy kids, I work 12 hour rotating shifts and have a loving supportive husband. I have a drug plan that pays for everything and anything I could ever need, an employer who must support me whether they like it or not. I feel selfish for complaining and I often wonder just how many people with this awful condition and no support system, no longer choose to live this way.

Thats my whine for today.

 

Well, many of us understand denial. The condition takes a while to process and accept emotionally. Also, a day-to-day medical and physical strategy that actually works has to be discovered.

I, too, work full-time, but my job is more mentally fatiguing than physically active. Whichever way you cut it, I believe that some people do need that continuity, that connection with something for themselves.

Keep going to the doc, and state what you need. I was on Cymbalta, and it was very bad for me. Everyone is different.

And, it is true that too much is as bad as too little. If your body is telling you to stop, listen. For instance, I used to do two hours three to four times a week, elliptical and pool. Then, I would come home and go to bed. I learned that pushing myself to complete what I wanted was counterproductive to the greater goal, because I did not feel better. Now, with less pushing and more moderation, my physical reaction to exercise is good.

Not "no exercise.". All things in moderation. I now do my pool work 3-4 times a week, for an hour at a time. No elliptical. I don't crash when I get home. I don't have to take painkillers after working out, and I don't wake up feeling worse. I actually take fewer painkillers, and function better.

Some of us, myself included, push ourselves hard to succeed, in life, work, home, and in fibro. I understand about the fiscal need for a job. But, as I tell my students, "You do not have to be superwoman.". I have to remind myself of that occasionally. Sometimes I feel as if I am holding onto things by a slim thread. Other times I think I manage pretty well, considering.

Be nice to yourself, think positively, and manage as well as you can. :)

I go back and forth in denial & out myself. I am lucky to have a pretty mild case of FM