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Posted 12/15/2011 2:37 AM (GMT 0)
I know this does not really fit in with the Fibro, but I am stressed out

Monday night my daughter discovered her husband of 7 months and together for over 3 years is in love with another woman.

She called him on something she had seen and he told he was waiting till after Christmas to tell her he was leaving her for a EX.

What do I do, I hate seeing her so upset.

My DD moved home on Tuesday she would never go back to him as she said if he has done this once he would do it again.

Now I have my baby living at home again which is fine I love having her here

My be some one can help me with a question she has spent a lot of money on him for Christmas should she take the present back and spend that money on herself, I have told her that and so has one of her brothers.

So my sleep level and pain level have just gone the wrong way.

Kathy

FMS,CFS,IBS,Migraine

 

Posted 12/15/2011 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
I totally agree that she should take the gifts back and spend the money on herself. Ask her to envision in what circumstance she'd feel good giving him the gifts and she'll have the answer for herself. Sorry you're having this drama go down so close to the holidays but hang in there! Don't forget to take care of yourself, and maybe some pampering for the both of you would be a good idea here.
Posted 12/15/2011 3:01 AM (GMT 0)
Everyone deserves a second chance because everyone has the capacity to change but he should have to pay some sort of consequence. I think counseling might be of help, depending on the severity of it. Is your daughter and/or yourself absolutely positive he has cheated? That is so wrong though, I feel sorry for your daughter. I hope she at least slapped him across the face or kicked him (sorry, trying to lighten things up :) . If she can forgive the situation and see a future with this man, then give him the gifts, otherwise take them back.

Post Edited By Moderator (Sherrine) : 12/15/2011 10:34:13 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/15/2011 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
Kathy....She should take the gifts back. I know this is hard for her to understand now but ,one day she will and she will know that she is better off. This jerk would have caused her nothing but heart ache. Thank God there are not children involved and your daughter is young she will find someone deserving of her. I know from experience what is like to have a lot of hurt in a 17 year marriage and 3 children later....no fun!!! I am so sorry for her but she sounds smart and strong an mamma all you can do is tell her how much you love her. I know as a mother myself that your heart must be breaking for her. I do not know what your finances are but maybe if she take rhe gifts back you and her could have a mini get away. When I went through it my mom and sister took me a way for a break.

I wish you and your family the best and I know your daughter will find someone who will treat her the way she should be treated. I have now remarried at 40 yrs. old an will be celebrating 10yrs. on valentine's day. He is wonderful and never new how good it could be. There are happy endings...

Bless you and your family, Amy
Posted 12/15/2011 12:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Amy,
Her brther is picking her up Sat morning so she can spend the weekend with him and his wife[that is the easy way to describe it] plus his daughter.
They intend to tske her shopping a a major shopping centre a hours drive away she has plans to buy some new clothes shoes and some Christmas presents with the money from His presents when she returns them.
She is strong and seems to be seeing things from a different angle today yes she cries but not as much as I would of expected.
He was using her she has decided because he decided he needed to be married at his age and my DD came along and fell into it.
Why didn't I tell her I was not happy with some things he wanted or did, what woman would of believed me if I had told her it could of caused a riff between us.
Her brothers[3 of them] have really stepped in making sure she is eating giving her a shoulder to cry on. I am so proud of them all.

Kathy
Posted 12/15/2011 12:38 PM (GMT 0)
Take the gifts back and tell him to "hit the road Jack"...to be cheating already in such a short relationship just sends up really red warning signs for me...I am gald she has a loving mom tocome home too..She is young and we all make mistakes. I knowshe is hurting now, but that husband would give her a lifetime of hurt. I beleive in forgiveness but that doesn't mean she has to go back to him. Forgive ness just allows us to move on with our own lives

I will keep you both in my prayers and hope you have a good Xmas (without the schmuck) lol

Maggie
Posted 12/15/2011 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
Kathy, I totally agree with our members.  She should take the gifts back and have him hit the road, Jack!  Golly, they are still newlyweds and he's already cheating on her.  That speaks volumes.  No way, Jose, would I stay with him.  It's not like he is going through a midlife crisis.  It was mighty big of him to want to wait until after Christmas to lower the boom.  GRRRR  I remember when  you were planning the wedding and how excited you were.  I'm so sorry this has happened to her...and to you.

 

I'm glad she is back with  you.  This will help both of you get over the shock and to heal.  Take time to enjoy the wonderful Christmas season and remember all the things you can be thankful for.  Everything will be alright.  Again, I'm so sorry this has happened.

 

Sherrine

Posted 12/16/2011 1:33 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone she is doing better today having decided that he never really loved her in fact no tears today and we went to the house and picked up some of her things we will get the rest tomorrow while she is away.
He has said nothing to his best friend who was staying with them, he like everybody is shocked my DD knows she has lots of support.
Now she is upset with everyone who saw that something was not right for not telling her.
For me he was tooooo controlling, she had not seen some of her friends in months and they had to do everything HE wanted.
So sher is going to cash in the Christmas present and get some new clothes and shoes.
Spoil yourself I told her, now she will have a social life and not spend every week end sitting at home waiting for him to want to go out.
Merry Christmas all
Kathy
Posted 12/16/2011 1:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Kathy,

I know how bad it hurts when you see your children hurting. I will share with you something a friend shared with me a few years ago and hopefully it will help your daughter.

Never make someone a priority in you life when you are only an option in there life!
Posted 12/16/2011 5:06 AM (GMT 0)
Kathy- I just had an experience with my son. It hurts to see them go through life problems. I think like is so much harder then our days. Maybe not? My son has my gene of anxiety I believe. He is at that age he knows everything. I see more bumps on the way. I can pray and try to offer some advice.
Posted 12/16/2011 5:12 AM (GMT 0)
Kathy...I am so glad your daughter is feeling abit better today. As a mother you probaly would love to ring his neck...believe me he is the loser. I was also happy to hear she is returning the gifts and spoiling herself. I know as a mother you seen things about him you did not like but seriously how does a mother tell her daughter who is madly in love with this man. I think you did the right thing. One last thing I am so so happy her brothers ar looking after her...proud moments for a Mamma...sounds like you raised 4 very nice people. All the best for your daughter and the whole family.

Take care, Amy
Posted 12/16/2011 12:14 PM (GMT 0)
You know, Kathy, from what you said in your second post, this could very well be a blessing in disguise.  It's far better to have had this happen now than after children arrived.  Talk about a mess!

 

I'll be praying that your daughter learns to trust people again and finds someone truly special.  It happens all of the time!

 

Have a wonderful Christmas.

 

Sherrine

Posted 12/16/2011 1:36 PM (GMT 0)
Yay!!! I am happy for all of you and what a great way to start the new year!!!

Have a wonderful holiday

maggie
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