Loss of loved ones on the Holidays

My dad has been fighting for his life since before Thanksgiving.  He started having regular dialysis treatments last March.  He developed an infections in the port.  He got septic just before Thanksgiving.  He almost died then.  They put him on a ventalator and called in hospice.  He came off the vent rather quickly and showed big improvements much to everyone's surprise. He made it clear he didn't want to be back on the vent again.  My mom has POA for his healthcare.  I told her this but she wouldn't listen. We put him in an advance specialty care center.  about two weeks ago he was rushed back to ICU.  They put him back on the vent.  I had a heart to heart talk with my mom.  The doctors got him stable and off the vent again.  My mom decided he could back to the nursing home.  That was yesterday.  He died this morning of congestive heart failure.  When they attempted to incubate he bit the tube and wouldn't let them. 

I know he is in heaven with Jesus as he has always been religious and a prayer warrior.  I got to the nursing home 10min after he passed.  I wasn't too bothered by that as I already said my goodbyes over these past couple weeks.

I just miss him  and I have never quite felt this way before.  I have such a empty feeling.  I know it's grief but my body doesn't know what it is and is lashing out at me.  I have been trying so hard to avoid a flare but my body couldn't care a less.  I am in so much pain.  I have the entire family some 20 people coming to my home for Christmas tomorrow.  We all decided to go ahead with Christmas day for the kids and wait to have the funeral. 

I don't know what to do.  I don't want to bug my doctor on Christmas not to mention I probley won't find a pharmacy open.  Has anyone had anything like this, what should I do?  I just want to hide in my room for Christmas day but I know I can't do that.

I am so very sorry for your loss. This is going to be a hard Christmas for you and your family. Hopefully everyone will help a bit more and you all will grow closer. I am also on amitrip and cymbalta and you have to be careful, can you take Advil? I tried their muscle and joint med and it gives me some pain relief.

Thank you all so much for your kind words! No offense taken at all Sherrine. He was very outspoken in his faith and would have said much the same thing. You make a very good point applevenus, I will see how I feel in the morning. If he were to even give me permission to take an extra dose of something I already have at home. I'm sure with family here we are all in the same boat we will share in our greif together. They know of my fibro and are pretty understanding. I'm not sure they really understand how stress affects me, they always think it has more to do with the weather. Thank you again for allowing me to share and taking the time to share back with me.

I'm crying for you. I lost my mother on Christmas day 5 years ago. On November 6th, she went into respiratory arrest in my car just after we had gotten in and we were leaving the house to go to the doctor (she had COPD and had been sick since receiving the flu vaccine). I drove straight to the hospital ER and they revived her, but the absolute HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life was to tell the ER doc that she did not want to be on a ventilator. They were able to revive her using CPR. Was she ever mad at me when she regained her senses and realized what had happened. She was very serious about her DNR. She was ready to go "home." She asked me why I didn't let her go then, and the only reason I could think of was that she hadn't said good-bye. My brother and sister were able to come see her before she passed away.

Anyway, they didn't expect her to live through Thanksgiving. My husband and I went to the funeral home and planned her funeral the day before Thanksgiving. I wasn't in any mood to be thankful for anything; however, my daughter cooked a full Thanksgiving dinner at our house and carried it all into town so we would have a Thanksgiving meal. She's the best daughter in the world.

My mom revived a little, but ultimately she was put in hospice, which, in our little town, is in a nursing home. We had battles with the nursing home; they were trying to keep her alive and the hospice staff was trying to make her comfortable as they knew the end was near.

My dad and I spent Christmas afternoon with her even though she didn't know we were there. Afterward, we drove to my house, 30 miles out in the country, and my family and in-laws had taken care of Christmas dinner. Bless my husband. He took care of all the decorating and gift buying and his parents were here from Texas. Anyway, we had just sat down to eat our Christmas dinner when we got the call that she wouldn't last long. My husband, my dad, and I jumped in the car and raced into town, but it was too late. She was already with the Lord. I got so mad that she had passed away on Christmas day, and it was only later that I realized what a wonderful Christmas gift it would be to wake up in heaven. No more pain, no more health problems...just peace and health.

The first year after she died, we went to my daughter's house for Christmas because I couldn't handle having Christmas at our house. The second year, we drove to Texas to my in-laws. The third we had Christmas on Christmas Eve. Last year was the first year I was ready to celebrate Christmas again in my home, mostly because of our seven grandchildren. And this year, we celebrated today but not because of my mom. My son only gets his children on Christmas Eve and his ex gets them on Christmas day.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I want you to understand that I know completely how you feel. It will take a long time to accept losing your dad; he sounds like a wonderful man. And you know he is in a better place. Just think what a wonderful Christmas present HE got this year. I mean, if you could pick a day to go "home," wouldn't you pick Christmas Eve or Christmas day? You and your family will be in my prayers. if you want to talk, click on my email and I'll be glad to talk to you.

My sincere sympathies on your loss. i lost my Dad 4 years ago and I still talk to him because I know he is abiding in God's house...our faith family and friends are the only way to get thru...

It will be unlike any other Christmas but a very special one as you celebrate your father's life and rebirth in Heaven

Again, my heart goes out to you and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Maggie

I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss, it is hard enough to lose a loved one but to lose one on a holiday makes it extremely hard. Take things as they come and I think with all your family being in the same place you are, maybe you can help one another. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Bless you, Amy

Thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. Christmas and other holidays are typically upbeat and fun yet at there are/or will be times when the joy is sapped from us due to the loss of loved ones.

Kidzmom, it's such a strange and empty feeling when the one you love is suddenly gone. I lost both of my parents but the biggest void was left when I lost my Dad. Something about a father/daughter relationship that is a strong bond. Even though many of us didn't lose loved ones on a holiday, this time of year can be hard to get through without them near by.

My suggestion is to allow yourself to feel how you feel. Don't allow others to tell you that "it's time to 'get over it'" I may take longer than you expect for your heart not to physically hurt...at least that's how I felt. As if my heart had physical pain.

And my final suggestion would be to talk to your doctor about what's going on in your life. I waited longer than I should have and once I did he was so compassionate and offered any kind of help I might need...and I did need help.

Please know we are with you in spirit...you aren't along.

God Bless,
Chutz

I am also very sorry for your loss. My Dad was also a christian and we know he is in Heaven too but that doesn't mean we don't feel sadness. We lost my Dad on December 12th last year so Christmas last year was filled with new grief and numbness. The first weeks are filled with intense heartache and you will go thru everyday in a fog and probably will feel physical pain but do what you need to do to get thru -rest, cry, take your meds. This Christmas we really felt the loss of not having him around but I believe in signs and we received a very funny sign from him this year that made us laugh and laugh. My son died fifteen years ago at the age of 15 in a car trash and that was the worst grief I ever felt. I basically lost two years of my life because of depression and grief during that time. It does bring me comfort that we will all be reunited one day. Take care of yourself.