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Posted 2/17/2012 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I need to talk to someone and I decided to join with you all. It is about my mother and I worry about her. she has FM for years and gets worse. She lives alone and she is 74 years old. I can't drive two hours and half every week to help my mother. I visit my mother monthly sometimes two. Every time I went to see my mother. She have almost no food in her kitchen. I had to go to grocery store to stock up the food. She is really depressed. She cried all the time and asked me why she is hurting all over. She has been in bed almost all day and night. She used to love garden and go shopping. She can't wear her clothes-pants, under wears, bras and shirts that bothers her skin. Those hurt her skin. All she has to wear gowns. She even wanted to cut her boobs off.
She sees her head doctor weekly, tried many different medicines for Fibro. She gets very sick. She can't take any medicines for Fibro, only depression medicines. I want her to move into an apt. to be near me so I can help and keep her company. She has no one to help her. She has friends but she doesn't wants to depend on others. I thought the best for her to move to be near my home. She has a beautiful townhouse and she is thinking to sell it. She can't handle the stress to move and it will make her sick quickly. One day she has energy but next day, she has no energy. She gets some energy like two to three days later. She is scare and is overwhemling. Please tell me if it is smart move for her. She is still fighting and is taking one day at a time. It hurts me when she is hurting...
Posted 2/17/2012 1:30 AM (GMT 0)
Ohhhh, this reminds me of my situation. Do you yourself have any health issues? Consider how old you are and what other responsibilities you have in your life? Kids? Husband? Also do you have any siblings near you who would share the care of her? Is she actually in need of FT round the clock medical care such as in assisted living?

Just some things to ponder. I took on my mom when she was WAY more than one person could benefit even if they were with her 24/7. I ended up caving physically long before she did. We all hate to see our elders in a bad way and I'm not suggesting to leave her in a situation that does not seem appropriate. BUT just be sure that you have it in you for the long haul. Unlike children, aged parents get more dependent and not less.

Is there an assisted living place near you where they have meals prepared, medical staff around, yet your mom could still have her own place within this assisted living area?

Good luck, Sign me......Been There. Rosemary
Posted 2/17/2012 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
There are many things of which you can do....

1) relocate to her
2) perhaps a wee bit of physical therapy, in a swimming pool
3) call her local DHS office and ask for "elderly intake" and get her registered with things like a nurse coming in at home, someone coming in and cooking/cleaning
4) become her power of attorney and have her moved to a home
so on
Posted 2/17/2012 3:27 AM (GMT 0)
What ever you decide to do , I think you must act soon before something happens bad. Smurphy shadow has great ideas. I think you need to contact her Dr. also. This will help get the ball started on your options. They can set you up with a social worker. A lot of things will need a Dr. Evaluation if you decide to do special care for her like assisted living. I was wondering if you have other family members that can get together for a family meeting? It really sounds like she is unable to care for herself anymore. It's not going to be easy, but as children we must take care of our parent needs.
Posted 2/17/2012 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
I am glad you found our site. Do you live in Oregon by chance? I do know sign language, and would be willing to go to DHS with you to help you out. I am tone deaf, but do hear some. WalMart usually has those scooters where she can just walk to the entrance and sit in a scooter and drive that around.

Physical thereapy in a swimming pool does not require a swim suit. She can wear shorts and a shirt. She would have a physical therapist in the swimming pool with her and assisting. I've done pool therapy for my fibro flare ups.

I used to work in a nursing home, and I know from personal as well as medical experience that your mother is lucky to have someone whom loves her so much. I think you should TTY DHS and talk to the elderly intake... its much better to have her stay at home instead of going to a facility...

I'm pretty rusty wiht my sign language, but if you have NexTalk I can talk to you more there.. (Moderators NexTalk is a Hearing Impaired Service similar to TTY, its a Computer Based TTY with video calls)
Posted 2/17/2012 1:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, DrPepper, and welcome!  You have gotten some good ideas but I think you have wonderful ideas of your own.  First of all, encourage your Mom to get out of bed and walk around her place or outside.  If you sit or lay too much you will be stiff as a board and have more pain with fibro.  If she does this, she might get so she can walk even further.  This is what has happened with me.  Plus the exercise will help her depression, too.

 

It's wonderful that there is a fibromyalgia support group near you, too!  This could help her a lot because she will know that she is not alone with this illness and these feelings.  When you don't know people with fibro, it can be a very lonely existence. Most "normal" people just don't understand what we go through.  BUT we can have a full and enjoyable life in spite of this illness.

 

Do try to get your mother to sign a durable power of attorney.  The durable ones allow you to do anything...including selling her property, car, etc.   This does come in handy as they age.  I did this with my mother.  It made taking care of her far easier because I was in charge.  BUT I didn't abuse that privilege.  I let my mother be totally independent until she got terribly sick and couldn't take care of herself.  Then I took charge and she was very thankful for that, too.

 

If you do move her, have her see a rheumatologist that treats fibromyalgia patients.  Ask before you make the appointment.  There are still some doctors in the Dark Ages that think this is all in our heads even though this illness is recognized by the American Medical Association, the American College of Rheumatology, the National Institutes of Health, and the World Health Organization...just to name a few.  Fibro isn't considered a progressive illness.  I'm a little worse since I developed fibro but I'm also 25 years older, too!  She could have some arthritis going on.  I, myself, am being checked out with a rheumy next week.  Can't hurt but could help.

 

The depression is holding her down, too.  A move seems overwhelming for her...and it's not just because of her age.  Older people don't like changes.  I'm getting that way.  I'm 64 years old.  But I find that when I do make changes, I'm very happy I did.  I think your Mom will too.  She will need help with the move and your siblings need to plan to come down and give a helping hand with the move.  Once she is settled by you, I think she will be happy. 

 

While looking into over 55 apartments, check out activities that your community has for seniors.  This will be a great opportunity for her to meet and make new friends.  Usually the over 55 places have their own set of activities too. 

 

Be sure to check out Fibro 101...the second thread on the forum.  There are links about fibro and you will learn a lot there.  You can get ideas to help your Mom and there is a great article about maintaining a positive attitude with chronic illnesses.  This has helped me a lot.  If your Mom likes it, just print it out for her and she has it at her fingertips when she needs a little uplifting.

 

I think this would be a good answer for you...especially since your Mom is able to be independent.  You can check on her and also have times to get together for fun activities.  Who knows?  She might end up enjoying life so much that you will have to make an appointment to see her!  I had to do that with my Mom! 

 

Please let us know what you decide to do.  I think you have wonderful ideas and I can see that there is a lot of thought behind them because you really love your mother a lot.  That makes YOU very special.

 

Sherrine

Posted 2/17/2012 5:08 PM (GMT 0)
I had my colon removed, too.  When the entire colon is removed, that's called an ileostomy and you do use the bathroom more and the output can be like diarrhea so this could be normal but not to your mother.  She might think she has diarrhea all of the time.  She also might be not eating on purpose so she doesn't have to use the bathroom as much.  I hope that's not the case. 

 

The United Ostomy Association usually has groups in most areas.  You could find that out by calling your local hospital and they can direct you to the group.  She might just need someone to come out and reassure her that she is fine.  I used to do hospital visitations for this organization and this type of surgery can be quite frightening as well "alarming". 

 

See if she will drink Ensure Plus.  That will help keep weight on her.  Of course she should ask her doctor about that first. 

 

A gastroenterologist should be able to help her with her stomach and her intestinal issues.

 

I also understand the phone issues you have.  I'm legally deaf and have to have a closed-captioned telephone in order to understand what is being said to me.  I also lip-read.  This is another good reason to get your mother moved close to you.  Certainly talk to your sibling and get their help.  You shouldn't have to do this all by yourself.  I wish you the best of luck.

 

Sherrine 

Posted 2/17/2012 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Does your mother have medicare and medicaid? There are programs of which that can provide transportation to store, doctor, pharmacy and more.

Does your mother have a computer and use it? Nextalk is a computer TTY, you can text message like on a cell phone there, and do web cam so you can sign.

Ensure Plus, is a wonderful Idea Sherrine had. It gives many vitamins and minerals too. Her thyroid may be making her more tired. Is she taking her medication?
Posted 2/18/2012 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
I have a wierd hunch here. Moderators, please not this is on personal experience not my medical training.
You said your mother has lots of adnominal pain on her upper stomach. Have your mother write in a notepad everything she eats, drinks and times. In same notepad when her pain starts. I have a disease that causes me stomach pains called fat intolerance. When I have too much fats, especially in meat, I hurt a lot. I also have a problem where my lymph nodes get swollen and severe pain comes and goes. Sometimes it lasts for days. To see if lymph nodes are swollen she will need a CAT Scan of her entire stomach.

Some things for you to research to see if she has more symptoms is Celiac, Chron's, IBS. Those can all cause stomach pains. (moderators I am in the process of being tested for all three, so again, its on my personal experience). My pain gets so bad to where I cry and I tell the doctors to shoot me, and I end up having to go to the ER for it when my medicine runs out because of my doctor being slow on getting me a new prescription. The pain mimics appendix which is very bad pain.
Posted 2/18/2012 1:14 PM (GMT 0)
Smurfy might be on to something!  Also, lactose intolerance can cause stomach pain.  Lactose is in dairy products and you said she drinks the Instant Breakfast with added milk.  There are lactose-free milk out there.  Have her try eliminating dairy from her diet...or fats...and see how she does.  I had a friend who had lactose intolerance but didn't know it.  We would go out for ice cream and she would be doubled over in pain a few hours later.  Now she uses lactose-free products and there is an over the counter pill, I think, that you can take before eating things with lactose in it too!

 

Sherrine

Posted 2/18/2012 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
Since she has a computer, have her come here.  Also, we have forums for ostomies, irritable bowel syndrome, and depression.  She could join HealingWell and get help from many people.

 

Sherrine

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