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when your spouse purposely picks arguements

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Fibromyalgia
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Posted 3/9/2012 12:59 PM (GMT 0)
The symptoms such as my body aches get so much worse when my husband picks fights. He loves to do that to get his own way.We need a new bed the springs are broke on one side and instead of buying one when we got taxes back he used it for other things albeit needed things he wanted me to spend the money he gave me to get one and I probably should have but I didn't my whole point to him was we are supposed to be a team,do things together whether its money or descisions or doing things and going places. Well now he gets up every morning complaining his back hurts yells really loud to make sure it gets my attention and is mad and complains how I don't bring the laundry up from the basement and its cold for him to run down and get his uniforms. I can't bring the laundry up it's too ackward and I'm afraid I will lose my balance.He does go to work but I don't think it would hurt him to bring up the basket of clothes and take the trash out  etc... He takes off after work hanging with his friends or he watches his tv shows and gets mad cause I am on the computer. I have suggested we do things together or compromise on a tv show but he wants it his way or no way and its wearing me down. Since I got out of the hospital in 2010 things have been way worse.I know everything is not his fault it takes two I just wish he would realize how much worse he is making me by picking the fights its hard to heal when your in a constant state of tension.
Posted 3/9/2012 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
I would suggest sitting down and discussing this with him. Either that or do something to make him realize his complaining and picking fights isn't going to get him anywhere. Can you just ignore him? I know, not that easy, right?

If you can get away with it, ignore his rampages and let him get his own clothes out of the basement. Maybe if he did it the night before, it wouldn't seem so bad. At least you get them washed for him. I use to have to wash and press uniforms. That was years ago though. Don't do that anymore.

I hope that you get things figured out. People just don't realize the pain and fatigue we have. Educate them I guess...

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/9/2012 1:16 PM (GMT 0)
I have tried talking to him and it doesn't work so I am now ignoring him and it makes him so angry and so he puts me down. I am literally thinking of putting ear plugs in and when he's around and blaming it on my hard of hearing. I need sleep. I'm not giving up on my marriage I am just realizing we should have got to know each other better before getting married. I was with him a year before we got married and he was not this bad either that or I was giving in to everything he wanted despite not sleeping I don't know which one it is now.
Posted 3/9/2012 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
sad  I am a bit new here...and reading your post makes me cry... I am so sensitive to other people and their feelings.

I am so sorry this is going on with your husband... did he ever go to the doctor with your and have your illness explained to him and your limitations.

Stress does play a big factor with pain and other symptons of fibro....

I have this with members of my family and now I chose to not talk to them except when I really have to.....

Of course you cannot do that as your husband is in the house with you whereas my family is not....

My husband died in 2008 but he totally understood my fibro, vertigo and anxiety and said to me Sweetheart it is not your fault you are sick.

He never complained about me being sick and how I wish he were here now.. as I truly had a husband who was terrific. 

I hope in time that you will be able to sit down with your husband and have him see that you could only do so much.. and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU ARE SICK AND IF YOU WERE NOT SICK YOU WOULD SURELY BE DOING ALL YOU COULD DO...LIKE "NORMAL PEOPLE"

again I am sorry this is happening ........

gentle hugs.

Posted 3/9/2012 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
aww thank you starry eyes sorry for your loss. My husband does not want to understand anything about this. I had respiratory failure and almost died in 2010 and was paralyzed for a few months I think that is what caused the fibro.He was with me but is not very sympathetic he figures I lived through it and now I should be back to normal or that I should just pop pills and not complain about it...deal with it....everyone has pain and quit being a wuss. You were a lucky lady to have someone who understands. If I think about it fibro may have started before that because I was getting vertigo attacks and anxiety attacks and a couple years before.
Posted 3/9/2012 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Nana. it was sudden he was 61 ..beside me sleeping in bed.. I was 54 at the time.. My fibro and all the rest have gotten so much worse since then.

I really do feel badly that he doesnt understand.  It is not as if you do this on purpose.

any chance of him going to the doctor with you and let the doctor explain all that is going on with you...?????

I hope things will get better. ONE COULD ALWAYS HOPE XOXO

 

Posted 3/9/2012 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
thank you its nice to atleast to have a support group that understands
Posted 3/9/2012 7:25 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, I'm so sorry, Nana. My hubby is somewhere in-between, but closer to yours on the spectrum of understanding and helping. I know he loves me and cares, but he is definitely NOT a natural-born care-giver or nurturer type. Even with my back problems and having just gotten out of surgery a couple of days ago, I have to ask him for each thing....he never just thinks ahead to what I might need. If I ask him to take something upstairs for me, he'll do it and then leave it on the floor. Gee, thanks - I can't get it except with my reacher, and if it weighs anything, forget it.


I realize that he has a hard row to hoe right now - he's working all day to try to make ends meet, then has to do all the shopping, cooking, dishes, pets, banking, and whatever else comes along. But once in awhile, it would sure be nice if he offered to wash and lotion my feet (which I haven't been able to reach for 2 months) or help me get dressed. I think it's largely due to the way he was raised. His father didn't show an example of a loving husband AT all, so compared to that, he's come a long way. And, he himself doesn't need to be taken care of. He's independent to a fault, in my opinion...and he's been unusually lucky in health matters.


Does your hubby have health problems of his own? (It's so easy to criticize until you've been there!) The fact that he's actually yelling at you so much you have to wear earplugs and getting mad at you just because you're on the computer seems way out of line to me. Do you feel like his aggression is escalating? I suppose you've thought of this a hundred times, but have you tried counseling - or would he even consider going?


Of course, this is dragging you down. How could it not?


Debbie XO
Posted 3/9/2012 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
He is young only 29 that probably has got alot to do with it I think he signed on for a garegiver not to be one.
Posted 3/10/2012 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
you need to seek a mariage counclor or paster for couples couciling.
Posted 3/10/2012 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
Men sometimes mature later in years. It took many many years for my husband mentally to handle my chronic illness. I took him to therapist office and dr's appointment. For years it didn't seem to help and we just hung in there together for the kids. I am happy to say finally he has feelings for me and seems to care about how I feel. I dont know what really helped, it could of been he grew up some. I think you should sit down and share your feelings to him. I hope things will work out. It does take a lot of work on both people to make a marriage work.
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