I don't want anymore!

Hi,

I absolutely HATE the old cliche: "God doesn't give you more than you can handle!"

I have had fibro for 30+ yrs. It has over the years reduced me to a person that even I, (in my most positive mood) want to kick in the rear end. BUT....I "handle" it.....not well, but it is what it is. Then we throw in 3 TIA's for good measure....but, not to worry because a life threatening hospitalization in 2009 gave me a 30% chance to come off the table....and I did. I ran myself down taking care of my mother, husband and one brother (who all died) and I don't blame anyone for that....it's just what you do when there isn't anyone else there to help you. I used to be a very productive member of society. Not anymore.

This morning, my surgeon called and said that the latest results of my CAT scan were in! Yup.....lung scardosis with complications in my eye and left side. The sad thing....this was the only place that I could come and talk about my anger and how scared that I am. I can't share this with my two children. Breathing has been an issue from day one. I use a BPAP machine (Cpap doesn't put enough air), chronic insomnia (ambien for sleep for 20+ yrs), and depression that isn't controlled by medications....for I am allergic or chemically sensitive to a list that encompasses almost anything that is around. I do take SamE and it does help ....it's only when I get hit with another thing to 'handle'.

I am having a pity party.....and I know that it is not productive. I am the first one to jump on the positive bandwagon and help someone else. I am sure that most of us here are like that. But....enough already. I have grandchildren that I want to enjoy for many years to come...but, it's getting more difficult when there is always something else.


I probably should delete this...for it sounds ridiculous.....and there are many others out here with situations far worse that I am dealing with.....just venting. Thanks for listening.

Thinking of you and all you are going through.

We do care.

Your sister in spirit,

Sharon

Violet- I give you permission to have a big pity party day! Just what you told would give you permission. I am sorry to hear another fibromite person going through some deep valleys. Sometimes we might never know why we go through the valleys. I have been through some myself, but now I have had some good months with little depression. Maybe you can think of something that brings joy into your life. Have you tried some self help books for depression? Health plays a huge factor with depression. I pray tomorrow that something brings you some joy.

Violet,

I don't like that cliche, either. People mean it kindly, but I don't find it comforting. Please don't feel that you should have deleted your comment....it's not ridiculous . That's what we're here for, to support one another. If we only wrote the good stuff, well - - that's fun, but that's not what we need support with!

I'm sorry you've been handed this bad news. Hopefully, your scardosis won't be a serious case. Do you have anyone around to help you if you need it? You said you can't share this with your children - (do you mean you just won't tell them? I hope not. Wouldn't they want to help you?) I've also had fibro for a long time. I watched both my parents die in 2008, within 5 months, and like you, I threw everything I had into them. I did it because I wanted to, though I could have used some help. Physically, it took a huge toll on me. We were extremely close.

My mom had pulmonary fibrosis (a different scarring of the lungs disease, a fatal one) and she was so angry. I never could understand why people would try to get her (and us) to be NOT angry. Anger is a totally normal response to a lousy situation! The fact that she was in her mid-70s when she was diagnosed, and "had lived a good, long life" was somehow supposed to make us feel better.

I wish you all the best. Debbie

Violet, I hate that cliche, too, because God doesn't give us this stuff but He is blamed for it anyway. 

 

You deserve a pity party!  We all have them and need them occasionally.  I wish I understood why some people go through life unscathed and then there are people like us.  No, it's not fair but not one said this life would be fair.  I'm just thankful I have another life to look forward to!  Knowing that helps me a lot in this life.

 

It is tough when you don't have people you can talk to.  I totally understand your not wanting to talk to your children about this because it would frighten them, too, and not solve a thing.  I, too, have lost my husband, brother, parents, and it makes it tough when things like this arise.  How old are your children, though?  If they are adults, you might want to sit down with them because they need to know...they will know eventually anyway.  You'll all have a good cry and then you can move forward with their help.

 

I would be frightened too with what you are describing but there are things they can do to help you.  I hope you have a good doctor that you trust and they will help you feel better.  Karen's link is excellent to do read it.  It will make you feel a little better and know you aren't alone with this illness either, I think.  The lung involvement isn't good but there are medications that can help you breathe better.

 

We are here for you so don't hesitate to come here with your concerns.  All of these things affect our fibro, too.  Actually, fibro is probably not in the forefront of your thoughts these days.  This puts things in perspective...but you will get a handle on this too.

 

Many prayers are heading your way for a successful treatment of this illness.

 

Sherrine

 

 

Sending you gentle hugs, Violet...I'm so sorry that you have this added burden. I know you must be worried... we are here for you. Please feel free to express your feelings whenever you need to. We do care...

My fibro family is always in my prayers.

Hugs, Robin