Having a difficult time

I am going thru a difficult time right now and need some feedback. I see the doctor tomorrow. I am depressed about being in pain all the time 24/7 and not having the life I use to have. I use to be able to walk outside but due to leg pain from arthritis I cannot go very far. And I have back pain so I am limited on the activities I once was able to do too. I ‘m able to use a wheeled walker. But still have limited mobility issues. I went to PT today and had a crying session instead because of my limits. I am also having a fibromyalgia flare up going on which does not help matters. I know I have to be patient and let the pain clinic do their work to help me. I have only been going to the pain clinic for 2 months now. I have to make a new life for myself now than the one I had which included the work I did. I was a nurse, but due to my illnesses I became disabled in Oct of 2011. So it is still new to me. My illnesses include degenerative disc disease of the lumbar spine – MRI findings bulging disc of lumbar spine except L5-S1 very large herniated disc with displaced nerve root. Osteoarthritis , fibromyalgia, bipolar II , PTSD and Anxiety.

Hi, Milly. Sorry you're having such a rotten time right now. Grieving the life you lost is normal, especially in the beginning, so remember, we are always here, and we understand....

I also cried at PT a couple of years ago, because after a few encouraging weeks, it made my pain go through the roof, and I had to stop. I broke down because I was so disappointed, and the very young therapist just seemed embarassed, which didn't help. She had started me at way too high a level, with resistance bands. Don't think I'll be using those again anytime soon - probably never!

But now I'm doing PT again (after surgery for a ruptured disc and sciatic nerve pain, by the way, so I hear you there) and this time, it's actually making me stronger. This therapist really listens - what a difference! Maybe it's because I'd just had surgery, so she took me more seriously - I don't know. I had a more intense session today, and tonight I'm having more nerve pain, but not out of the ballpark. I started with Kegels, so really working from the inside out. VERY gradual increases.

I apologize if you've already mentioned this (foggy is my middle name) but if your pain from the disc and the nerve root displacement is anything like mine was a few months ago, that's enough to make your life miserable, all by itself. Are they recommending surgery? Mine is at L4-L5...I've never endured such pain for so long, and I've had chronic pain from DDD and fibro for at least 2 decades!

Debbie

Sending you gentle hugs, Milly...a good cry can be cleansing. Some days, I'm squeaky clean.  

We are all here for you...take it one day at a time. I'm hoping that you find some great pain relief, and that you will have many better days ahead.

Hugs, Robin

I've written on other conditions on this site, but not on this particular one. So hello to all. I want to reply to the post by millymilan because I am/was a registered nurse. In 1997, after being a nurse for 35 years, I had to retire because of a recurrance of scar tissue in my larynx/airway. Short explanation; When I was 20 (I'm now 70) I was in an accident and crushed my larynx/airway. Had multiple surgeries and a tracheostomy for 15 months. The trach was eventually removed, but because my larynx was damaged I was not able to speak above a whisper. It might be slightly better now, but is still a whisper. After that at age 25 graduated from nursing school and became an RN, later got married, had two children, traveled and worked in several states. Also had psychotherapy for years because I was severely depressed and suicidal. I learned that grieving our losses are the most important thing we can do for our bodies. Otherwise it comes back to bite us when we least expect it. In 1997 my airway closed again; no one knows why. I had multiple surgeries AGAIN which ended in a permanent trach this time. Did fairly well for the next 8 or 9 years until a surgeon repairing a rotator cuff tear (which was misdiagnosed so the surgery was unnecessary) made a major mistake, damaged a nerve and paralyzed my left arm/hand. Was given Lyrica by a neurologist which I had a major reaction to. That did me in. After multiple traumas in my life this was the crowning blow for my poor body. Was in PT for 18 months which I started in a wheel chair with my eyes closed, too weak to open them and totally unable to care for myself. Long, long story. Regained the use of my arm and partial use of my hand, but was left with nerve pain. I've been up and down; mostly down since then. FM and CFS kicked in. I had always been able to overcome anything that happened to me; even with a permanent trach, but not anymore. If not for PT I would never have recovered so I'm grateful for all their work with me. It was a slow arduous 18 months, but it worked. I've been in a pain clinic for the last 5 years. I resisted pain medication for a long time because I don't like feeling altered. Finally gave in, but take a very small dosage some days. Too many details to describe here. I'm having one of those unusually good days today. When I have good days I tend to overdo, because there are so many things I normally can't do. I think I have improved overall in the last year, but still have days when I hurt so bad I can barely move. The CFS is worse than anything else. My point in this message is to tell you that I'll be thinkng about you. As a sister nurse I think I understand a lot of what you're experienceing and hope you will continue to post so I'll know how you're doing. This of course goes for everyone on this thread. I'm having such a good day I don't want it to end. When I'm having a really bad day, I'll be glad you are all here for me. Thank you to all who post on this condition.  My chosen name for this site is a reminder to me that today is all I have so I must live only live in the present. Otherwise it would all be too overwhelming. Being patient with myself, taking care of myself, not blaming myself, accepting help when I need it, are just a few ways I cope each day. With Gratitude, Livinginthepresent

{{{{MILLY}}}}}

I understand how you feel.  I was disabled in 2003 by my Orthopedist.  He told me that I had the worst case of Fibro he ever saw in all of his patients up to the age of 90.  He also told me that any surgery I had would take an extra 6-12 months to heal properly due to the Fibro and my health.  I had to fight for my disability but not too hard.   I later found out that you can get SSD due to Fibromyalgia.  Surprised me because I think more people have it then they know of.   I refused to go back to another Pain Clinic, the last two never helped me at all.  I have done the PT thing and end up in more pain then I went in with.  The repetitions of movement in pulls and stretches puts me into a flare if I am not already in one.   I also have the disadvantage of artheritis in my neck and shoulers.  Half the time I have no idea if I am in a flare until I get the pain in the butt cheeks of the top of my breast bone.  Then I know to use heat, sleep and Guaifenisen for a few days. 

I wish I could give you better support but I just know that going back to work and being more active has helped me.  I am still in constant pain but I am out with people and that keeps me from the depression stage or feeling like my life is over.  Yours isn't over by a long shot, trust me on that one.  I have gotten so used to it that I have been in a minor flare and had no clue till the doctor hit a few spots and I jump, usually he would just touch my shoulder.  He used to tell me that he could tell by the way I looked or sat or stood up.  I can't take the new FDA drugs for it either so I just tag along and  pray that the next day if better then the day I am in.  I wish the same for you Joyshow1

I am feeling better. Taking it one day at a time. I am going to make some changes in my life toward the positive but in the small ways. I know I will have "melt downs" but I have to go on. Some day it seems like I can't go one because of all the pain.But I some how I must go on. It is so hard but then that is the time I need to take extra time for myself.