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How could he say that? Should I lock him out? please vote

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Fibromyalgia
Should I reset the locks on the doors?
yes - 16.7% - 1 votes
no - 66.7% - 4 votes
no, just the one on the bedroom door - 16.7% - 1 votes
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Posted 10/22/2012 7:53 AM (GMT 0)

So for background... I have been becoming more and more sick for a couple years now. Have multiple issues. Lost job. Am struglling to redefine myself with what is left... Reported new symptoms to Dr. and he wants to run a test to make sure I dont have this weird brain tumor.... I am not worried. All my tests come back normal. So...to the point :-)

Sitting and talking with dh tonight (had all the kids n grandkids over--he and I were catching a moment by the grill) in all seriousness, he says that even if it is an inoperable brain tumor, that it is happy news because now we will know why I have been so sick.

I didnt say anything. I am still at a loss for words, trying to see how he might think an inoperable brain tumor would be better than fibro. Heck, I would rather have the crohns Dx that I have been fearing. I am not having any success in seeing this in a positive way coming from a husband and primary beneficiary. 

I know that men are slow and ignorant at the worst times (sorry to men-it is suppose to be a secret), ....but inoperable brain tumor --really??????? nono

Well, he will be up for work soon and I will offer him something good and warm for breakfast. Give him a kiss and tell him to be safe. The only question remaining is should I rekey the locks? devil

Posted 10/22/2012 12:46 PM (GMT 0)
I honestly don't think he meant anything by it. I think it was just a poor choice of words. He is probably just so frustrated at not knowing what was wrong with you. I don't think he meant a word of it, but I don't know your husband or your situation. Give him the benefit of a doubt before you makd any decisions to leave the marriage.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/22/2012 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
My husband and I have the kind of relationship where I actually say this to him.

On Wednesday, I have an ultrasound on my kidneys just to lay eyes on them and decide if we need further testing. It looks like I'm renal failure according to the 24-hour urine collection. I told him yesterday that even if I had to go on dialysis or eventually get a transplant I'd be happy because at least we knew what was going on and why I was getting sick...and having issues far beyond my fibro. He gave me a hug and said "I understand." To me, it's about having answers, and knowing what we're up against, that helps.

Maybe that's where he was coming from and not him being an insensitive ass. (I don't know what your relationship is, so if he's regularly making comments about hoping you have some horrible illness, then this obviously doesn't apply.)
Posted 10/22/2012 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
It was a poor choice of words. He was trying to express that having a diagnosis would be a good thing, so that you both know what to do.

When my SO blurts, I Say "Don't you maybe want to re-think that and then try again?"
Posted 10/22/2012 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
I, too, think he wasn't thinking when he said that. We all have said things we wished we hadn't. I don't think he meant it to sound that way, too. You have been feeling terrible and worried about not finding a diagnosis, most likely.

I personally would let it go. If he were to say it again, I'd let him know how much that hurt you. People need to learn how to communicate their feelings to one another. Many marriages could be saved that way.

Sherrine
Posted 10/22/2012 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with the others in that I would just chaulk it up to a slip of the tongue and that his intentions were good and loving.

Without trying to generalize completely...a trait of many men is to "fix" things...and they like to have something concrete to fight/conquer.

One other thing to realize is that not every "inoperable brain tumor" is cancerous either. I have a pituitray tumor that is too risky to go in and remove so it is just treated with medication, sometimes rounds of radiation, and just watching.

But obviously you know him better than we do and only you can decide if he is normally a loving and caring husband and if so, I would certainly give someone the benefit of the doubt on their intentions. Those always count the most to me:)
Posted 10/22/2012 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
I think it was a poor choice of words, also; I don't think it was intended to hurt. And maybe he even meant it in a 'nice' way, meaning hey--you finally know what's wrong, after all this time! I think men are more guilty of this kind of thing than women are, but I have to admit that I've sometimes said things I later questioned and probably made a fool out of myself. Maybe he was overly tired and just not thinking?
Posted 10/23/2012 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
I agree that it's impossible to say, without knowing your relationship. But I can certainly see why you're hurt. When we're scared, we want someone to hold us and tell us it's all right.

My husband is always saying things like, "you'll have to have it cut off," (back, neck, whatever body part I'm complaining about.) It leaves me feeling that he doesn't really care how I'm feeling - it's more important to be the funny guy. But that's him...Mr. Sensitivity he's not, and he has incredibly great health, so he doesn't really get it...I think that's at the root of it.

If I'm really feeling rotten, I let him know I don't appreciate this. I do know that, deep down, he cares very much about me...but boy, there have been some doozies...like the time I drove myself to the ER with an appendicitis attack, because he "knew" I was fine, and that seemed easier than convincing him.

Sorry for what you're going through....

Debbie
Posted 10/23/2012 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
oh yaw, I never ment to leave him or kick him out....he would have a tent. could still play pool, drink beer, and listen to loud music in garage. There is an outdoor fridge and pantry grill and fire pit. He would survive : P

There have been a string of incidences. My only intention was to give him a little jolt, jar him enough to where he can open up some instead of acting it out in petulant ways.

Im ok deepwell. I read your post last night. tried to post but it didnt go through and it was so hard to do first time that I gave up. I felt so bad for not getting back sooner.

well, I havent changed the locks......... yet.
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