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I just can't do it anymore

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Posted 2/25/2013 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi to everyone. My husband and I have been doing our best to take care of his father in law for quite some time now. The stress of taking care of a man who is negative constantly and complains daily plus the living situation has gotten out of control.

 

I feel awful most of the time and have no motivation, I feel like life is passing me by. I try really hard to stay postive and smile through the rough times but the rough times have become a constant daily thing.

 

I told my husband that I just can't do it anymore. I feel like we need to get out and get our own place to live again. I feel like our peace of mind and sake of our marrige and sanity, it is time to go!

 

I feel a bit guilty for wanting to leave but I know it is probably the best thing I can do. My husband and I have been discussing other options for his dad's care as well so that we don't just leave him alone

 

We live in a very small town that isn't very close to anything and that makes it difficult when it comes to going to school or getting jobs.

 

We have already gone through one winter storm which left me in a horrible amount of pain and now we are bracing for another which isn't helping anything.

 

I really need advice, I feel like I am being selfish for wanting to leave. Have any of you been in this or a similar type of situation? Do any of you feel I have good reason for wanting to go? I need my life back that is all I do know. It is so difficult to deal with fibro by it self I just want to be happy again and I am not happy here at all.

 

Thanks to you all in advance and I hope you are all doing well! cry

Posted 2/25/2013 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
Lisa,
Sorry to hear the stress you are under.. It is not uncommon for you to want your life back, that is for sure! Nor is it selfish..You don't say what is wrong with your father in law that he needs care..or where you live..but some options for you may be
1~ post for private care to come in. Usually charge about $10 an hour, and can cook meals, do house keeping, laundry and such..
2~ look for someone wanting to rent an apartment and instead be a live in care giver. In exchange for rent, they take care of him, with some time off on weekends and such..
3~ call your local social services dept or catholic charities, they may be able to help you arrange for what is called respit care. It is where people would come in 2 or 3 days a week for 3 to 4 hours at a time so you can go to a movie, spend some time alone with you hubby..
Good luck! If you need any help doing any research, please let me know. My brother in law runs an agency that does stuff like this, I may be able to find out if there is a sister agency in your area..
Email me if you want any help :)


I took your email address out because anyone with a computer can see it. It's just being cautious. I see you have your email address in your profile so that's good. Lisa can get it there. Only members of HealingWell can go to the profiles.

Sherrine

Post Edited By Moderator (Sherrine) : 2/25/2013 3:34:39 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/25/2013 10:32 PM (GMT 0)
It's hard to be caretaker when you are ill yourself. I do not blame you at all for wanting to change the situation.
There are many options for your father depending on his needs: Home care, assisted living, nursing home. If you want him to be near you move to a different area and place him close by for visits.
You need to move to a warmer climate to help you feel better.

Ps. I forgot to mentioned I've already made a deal with my parents that when they can't care for themselves that they are going into assisted care. They understand that I can barely care for myself let along care for them too. They just said for me to visit often.

Posted 2/25/2013 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
Lisa, you have nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like your husband agrees, too. Are there other adult children that could help? If so, let them take over. You've gotten great advice from the members but I wanted to add Meals on Wheels. Most communities have this service.

I had kind of the same situation with my mother. She had had a stroke and once she was out of rehab she came to stay with me. She couldn't walk, had a stomach tube, etc. I tried so hard to be there for her but my fibro and fatigue wouldn't allow it. Telling my mother I couldn't handle taking care of her was about the hardest thing I have ever done. But, God love her, she said she knew I couldn't handle it. I ended up putting her in assisted living. She did like it there and her friends came to see her and I would take her out to lunch every week, too. She loved that.

Sometimes life makes you make difficult decisions but you have tried so hard. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Sherrine
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