Do some people cause (a lot) more stress than others? What to do?

I'm of the belief that we should try our best to get along with other people, despite differences.

That being said, I'm sure we all know people close to us who seem to cause us more stress than others.

For example, I went to a party in December and a close relative seemed to trail me the whole time.  Hubby and I had planned to only stay a half hour or so, but we ended up being there over two hours!  This person gets pretty loud and obnoxious (no--she wasn't drinking) and I caught a few people giving her dirty looks.   

Anyway, I ended up being in a bad flare for about 3 days afterwards because my muscles had just tightened and 'knotted.'  Kinda weird, since I was otherwise enjoying myself.  But this relative is sort of a love/hate person (narcissist, I think?) and took occasional 'digs' at me because I'm not into much socialization, and she absolutely FEEDS off being around people. That DID 'rub me the wrong way.'   

   She literally brings up 'socialization' every time we talk to her. And because of this deep need in her, she has chased people away, so in a sense I feel sorry for her. I do know she's not quite normal and has some deep issues, so I can cut her some slack for that. But--Grrrr.....

I don't get to these parties often, so it's no big deal, really, but just wondering:  how do you deal with people (near relatives) who seem to cause you more than the usual stress?  This particular person  'can' be "nice" and supportive at times, and just kooky other times.  I'm sure she feels empty inside, but comes off as loud to cover up the pain.

I'm thinking there should be a gentle, subtle way to deal with this (WWJD?), but sometimes I just want to pull out my hair around people like this!       Oh, and when she phones, by her comments, she makes me feel like I'm at death's door. (sigh.....)

Thanks for any ideas. 

I have to agree with Myself.

Certain topics such as politics and religion can get people worked up when there is not a meeting of the minds with others. We are all individuals and have our own thoughts. There will always be people who rub us the wrong way.

Years ago, I read a statement by Dr. Wayne Dyer and it has helped the way I look at things...this is what he said, " No one can create anger or stress within you, only you can do that by virtue of how you process your world."

For me that statement rings true. If I'm getting angry that is my reaction. If I try to remember we are all differant and I control my thinking, not others...it is easier for me.

"Conflict cannot survive without your participation."

I do know exactly what you are talking about. Each year at my hubby's family reunions there are certain topics that get very heated. Each year, it is the same old thing. I avoid any participation, my views were made clear years ago.

Hugs, Robin

Myself 09: Good thinking to limit exposure, be kind, but also be firm. I am doing all three, and sometimes it seems to work well.
I also try to change the subject, as you do. I think that's maybe where the stress comes in. Because of this person's history, it's rare for her not to act out, so I 'sit and wait' for it to happen. I don't see her as often as I used to, which is probably a plus. Sad, but true.

Robin: Yes--politics and religion as a discussion should be avoided like the plague! And the statement by Dr. Wayne Dyer is absolutely true. Sometimes this person doesn't trouble me; the next time I wait with apprehension, thinking, "NOW what will she say??" Silly, I suppose, but a long history.

I think I'm okay with her when I stop to remind myself she's not that psychologically healthy. She has always had to have the spotlight on her, even at children's birthday parties and such. She once told me she was jealous of me, which really surprised me (it must be my gorgeous body, fantastic athletic ability, perfect hair, and brilliant mind--LOL!!       ).  I think when I stop and think about it, I really feel sorry for her, so that helps me, too. And some distance can really sometimes be a good thing!

And awww, Fish.  You are unique!  But I think unique in a positive way.  I don't know you well, but from what I can tell, I can't see you being obnoxious.  Entertaining, maybe--but not obnoxious.

Thank you all!! :)

My hubby's family thrives on anything controversial and his siblings get into very heated debates. Hubby joins right in. His family members are analytical to a fault...if that is possible :) They will argue the same thing, year after year. Each one will bring some form of documentation to support their point.

At his family gatherings, I sit with the spouses of his siblings and we have our own friendly discussion. Over thirty years ago, I would get into it with all of them. Now it is a waste of time.

Hugs, Robin

Robin: It sure is more fun getting together at a gathering and actually enjoying it, rather than having a debate, isn't it??

I think after a time, when those kind of discussions go on, no one even listens to anyone else. A waste of time and breath!

Ahhh--with a smile--good idea. :)

So often it seems people will be genuinely dismissive in a (what I'll call) 'mean' way, but with a smile speaks another language--more positive while still having meaning.

"Rinse and repeat as needed." LOL!!

Are we related??? bahahaha. Sorry, but it sounds like you described several people in my family. But for sure some people evoke more stress than others!
What I am finding now, is even in planning family events, just KNOWING certain people will be there causes stress, and I almost don't go.. A LOT.. and that makes me sad, because I am close to my family.
So, what to do with the crazy one.. definately limit exposure..maybe have a private chat with them. Tell them how you feel, and how your health is NOT YET, if you don't take care of yourself, it will go quickly. So, to please not be offended when you are all out together and you feel you are at your limit..and you have to go. Try to maybe generalize that sometimes parties are just a bit too much, and you need to compromise..
Maybe you and spouse can have a code word like "hoover" or "kirby" for when you are out, and someone is SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOU, and you NEED to leave NOW
This will help you both know when enough is enough..
Good luck!

You were probably right when you said she thrives on craziness and she must need to be the center of attention.
Of course she would act more normal when alone with you, she already is the center of attention!
So try to schedule more private time with herm and avoid big parties where she will be.. That should help aleviate some of your stress.. good luck!