Mum is angry at me for being sick?!

My mother is mad at me for being sick. She is literally seething with anger and frustration towards me because I make her life too complicated. This morning, she hated getting breakfast for me because I wasn't up to getting it for myself. She yelled at me because I asked her not to pour rice milk over the cereal until I had picked out the sultanas, which I am intolerant to. Most mornings I can get breakfast for myself, so it's not like she has to do it all the time or anything.

She screamed at me yesterday that her CFS is worse than my fibromyalgia/CFS and that I'm just being a crybaby. Well!! How is it that she can be on her feet almost all day while I can't stand for more than 15 mins without collapsing on a good day or even 3 minutes on a bad day, or barely at all during a flare-up? Why does she have to compare our suffering? It doesn't matter who is in more pain or who is more weak and tired than whom!

She also acts like I choose to be sick. She believes in faith healing and tells me daily that I'm not believing hard enough in my health. She blames me for being unwell.

I mentioned to her about increasing her antidepressant dose - and she told me that it is only because I have come back home that she is not coping, and the only treatment she needs is for me to leave! I tell you, the only two reasons I'm still at home are that I don't know where else to go and I love my dad.

Feeling upset - I don't need all of this on top of the pain/fatigue/brain fog/worry about my future.

Thanks for the good advice, Robin. I took your words to heart with good results:

I sat down with my mum and explained in depth how I feel with the exhaustion and weakness. She has heard enough about my pain and heard a vague explanation of "I'm tired", but what she didn't understand was that I have CFS just like she does. She said, "oh, maybe you DO understand what I'm going through." I also reminded her of what I was like before getting sick; throughout the whole of year 11, I studied 1.5 x the normal TEE study load with weekly piano lessons on the side. I only watched one movie all year and read novels only during the school holidays. I rushed around, doing homework, piano practice and housework without hardly a break. After reminding her of this, she said, "oh, yeah, I remember now - you're not lazy." I suppose it has been almost 3 years since year 11 ended; then I was sick from the beginning of Year 12; it's understandable that she forgot how I used to be, especially with a CFS memory sieve.

She told me that she's not mad at me anymore - in fact, she finally feels like someone understands her situation. And all this time I assumed that she knew I understood.

So just a misunderstanding. I think we understand each other better now.

Jasmine, you did something wonderful! Your Mom needed to be understood, too. She didn't realize what you are going through and probaby thought you were taking advantage of her. Now you both know. On your better days, you can help her!

Sherrine

Glad you both worked it out!

It is helpful when people understand how we are feeling. Keep communicating, and before tensions arise, try to look at things from another point of view.

Thank you all for your insights and support.

Mum and I coined a phrase: "the two invalids will look after each other" - we've used it a few times already!

I really do feel sorry for my mum; people see her depression and think that if she only thought optimistically, all her symptoms would go away.

I'll keep communicating sympathetically with her.

I'm so glad things are better. Keep talking and communicating, maybe thinking of ways to feel better together.

It's those who don't have CFS or fibro who truly don't understand, and we all know how frustrating it can be when they think they can identify with our health issues, yet don't have a clue. I have explained my fatigue repeatedly to a sibling, yet guess who says "I'm tired, too." Grrrr..... I really think people like that are cold, don't care, and have no interest in understanding our conditions.

But at least those truly in our shoes do get it, if not right away, eventually. Stay strong and I hope things continue to go well for both of you.