How do we support our partners while they support us?

Had one of 'those' talks again today. Man are they exhausting. This is all new for me and my husband and other than having him go to my RA appts with me, I can't think of any other way for him to get it. And also a way to give him a break from this madness. I mean, it's always ME ME ME, for obvious reasons, and I don't want it to be....but I am usually too tired or in pain, or nauseous, to do anything for HIM.

What do you do to make your partner know how much you appreciate them, educate them, take the burden off them, or otherwise make your relationship your priority - yes even though our health is our priority. Can't we have both? How?

For today, we are getting out of the house but it took four hours to wake me up, a massive AC temp change, and a lot of caffeine.

I've been very lucky to have a supportive hubby. We had been together many years before any of my chronic conditions set in. We were very active, sharing many of the same hobbies. There are some things we can't do together anymore like tennis and golf but I encourage him to continue doing the things he loves. We still spend time together having fun, and I enjoy having fun with my friends too.

I've gotten much better at communicating...at one time, I really expected my hubby to be able to read my mind. He helps out, never complaining. I make sure to tell him often how much I appreciate him.

My goal is to keep my conditions from being the focus of our lives. I will tell him it's a bad day if I'm unable to do something, but I don't like telling him about every symptom I'm having. I'd rather do something fun to distract the pain than to talk about it. He knows I'm living with some difficult stuff so there isn't any reason to keep going over it.

I agree communication is the key. Wishing you the best :)

hugs, Robin

I use to struggle so much with this topic. I thought my husband would never get it. I think it was when I was extremely ill and my Dr's wanted me to stop work. I think things changes then. He actually could see how work was literally killing me. Then he got to see how much better I have done since I have retired on disability.

I have changed a few things that I was doing that improved our marriage. I use to tell him every ache I was having almost always negative. It was all about me. My husband never complained about his health no matter what. So I decided to always ask him how is day is going. I don't hit him hard with all the problems when he walks in the door. I don't mention problems why he is at work because he can't solve them at that time. I try not to get in that poor me syndrom anymore. This is where a therapist comes in handy when you feel like your husband doesn't get everything.

I decided to try to do things he likes with him. It seem we were separated because I always couldn't do this or that due to fibro. I started tent camping with him. As you know that can be rough on fibro and also living in Alaska. So. I thought I could least try. At first it was kind of scary and I would wake up hurting. So I didn't give up! He bought me a tent heater and now I learned to love it. We are going for 2 days now and canoeing too. So find something he likes and try to do things together.

It was a Dr. that brought it to my attention how you only new me by my medical condition. Every sentence seem to be about me and my medical issues. It hurt my feelings at first then I realized he was right. I work on myself in changing my negativity. It was not easy for sure.

I hope I could help you some. The best thing was seeing a therapist
To be able to give me some ideas on making our marriage connect.

Post Edited (ak angel) : 8/19/2013 10:06:49 AM (GMT-6)

That really is sweet. Sounds like a keeper :)

Debbie