support my wife

Hi all,
This is a great forum, and I have been searching the web for a good networking about FM, and I selected here due to the rich info.... I am a father of two daughters 10, and 6 .. My wife has been diagnosed but not confirmed since 2008 with FM and she is 36 now .... She is in constant pain all the time , with spasm and foggy memory, and aching and fatigue and recently a migrane that is persistent since more than a month to a level that she cries and she can do no work or can concentrate and she is always depressed and in very bad mood...

I need to know what is the best way to address this methodically , which doctors to see , as no one could really help rather than a very expert in the domain ... I am in Toronto and would like to know your suggestions in Toronto.. such That I can ask our family doctor for referral or see your advice how to approach them,,

I need also to know whether you have a skype chat room ... I need to get together with u people such that I can share my experience with yours and seek ur advice .. I will do the best to support her ... but she is getting worse day by day and she is not admitting that she has an issue ....she rejects the idea that she has FM ... and some times admits it and surrender and as u know the mood swings are too sharp... let me know ur suggestions about a doctor in Toronto .. I did visit ur section at first post but I am asking more details and experiences and whethere there is an update for Toronto area doctors////
also let me know if there is skype group., if not I can initiate one and invite whoever is interested here .. as it woujld be more conventient than a web chat here on site ...

Thanks a lot ...
Mo ...

A migraine for over a month? Is she seeing someone for this? Migraines usually don't last this long.

Thanks Debbie , Stacy and Txmom for your prompt responses and support. This is wonderful that this forum is alive and it will be a sort of great help for us...
She has been diagnosed several times that what she is going thru is fibro but most of the times after she clarifies for the doctor that she might have fibro and claimed by past doctors .. This starts back in 2007 and she was under extreme pressure in a certain job.. Followed by a severe neck problem that in my opinion since that time triggered all sort of pain and spasm .... Past years it was mainly her lower back , nick and degenerated disk .. And we treat it from time to time in addition to the constant back muscles spasm that doesn't go at all.. Massage therapy is a relief temporarily but few days and every thing is back...last two or three years after relocation and also being away from The big family she started to get severe depression and severe mood swings in addition to all sorts of pain and complains and exaggerated body reaction to any thing ..for instance this migrant is now constant and at night no sleep ad all the time its nightmares that keep her awake or under physical activity while her dream..sometimes she woke feeling pain from jumping on a dream ....anyway doctor is transferring her to a neuro but still this will not help.. As FM is very deceiving for all doctors .. She can't do her work though she is working fro home in addition all kids raising becomes tiring for her .. I am trying to study and make cleaning and kitchen chores and offload her from many things but I feel stuck when she cries from pain and doctors and me can do nothing .. She started to see a nutritionist that is changing her food completely by natural and organics this would help ... I need to know from u what shall I do in a professional way ... Which doctor in this area or research center can help in Toronto ... How can I also help my daughters to avoid the exposure to fibro swings .. And how can I charge myself from time to time ... I admit the reality and she is my heart and my life and will do whatever it takes to let her enjoy life .... Please advise ...if there is any systematic way to reduce or control that ghost ..ad its hidden from all and no one around us knows even to help as it is very hidden disease ..... I see at doctors section at 101
Thread some docs but need ur advise or experience about them as I don't like to waste any more time with a bad doc that would add more to trouble .... A doc that can have an objective test and help her ...or actually help us with a routine or system to put that under control....
Thanks a lot Mo
.

csmams- Does your wife take anything for pain control? Pain and depression use to be my biggest issues. Does she take antidepressent? The reason I am asking sometimes meds will play a big role in these problems. If not pain and depression is not well controlled then ones life can be miserable.

I came to this site in desperate shape. I use to have severe depression with severe pain. It was here where I learned how to manage fibro. Then my depresssion was decreases and my pain is well controlled.

csmams - I truly believe see a therapist for chronic health conditions is part of a well rounded therapy for fibro. I learned this through going to a psychiatrist that a therapist and psychiatrist are different. I use to see both. A psychiatrist is the one that orders the meds and gives the diagnoses. They look at your medical histroy. They do some therapy work, but not as much ones needs. A therapist can spend time with you and help you work through the chronic illness. I found out for myself that my depression was manily caused by my severe pain I was going through. It pushed all my buttons. As you probably can see fibro has so many symptoms and I always felt it just one thing after another and I could never get ahead. So It put me into a deep depression. I felt once I got good pain control it made a world of difference.

Finding what works for your wife does take time. Medications are tricky. Fibromites like us are extremely senstive to meds. We will have sometimes many side effects to our meds we try. So it's like a trial and error method I call it.

I will get back with you later on some meds that we try for fibro.

Csmams I was mentioning about the meds that can help us fibromites. Many of us take some similiar meds, but we are all different in what are needs are. Many of us suffer from other medical problems too. I have had fibro for 20 years and I have tried numerious meds for fibro. For many years I felt like I was in this viscious cycle with no good results from my meds. I have tried long term heavy narcotics and that got me in worse shape then ever. As I said we are all different. Many here can take narcotics well and have no problems with dependecy issues. It wasn't like that for me.

I feel the more natural meds work better with little side effects. I am talking about vitamin supplements. Magnesium and calcium seem to help me with the muscle spasms and pain. Many of us are low in Vitamin D. Having low vitamin D can cause pain and depression. It is very important you work with your Dr. on taking these supplements.

Some of the new prescription meds for fibro such as savella and lyrica have been known to help people on this forum. They do come with side effects. Many here are able to work through them. The savella is very costly then the lyrica. I am not sure what is available in Canada. Amitriptyline is another drug used for fibro. Its a old drulg and cheap in the US. Cymbalta is one they keep pushing for fibro. I had terible side efffects from it, but again some can take it. Just continue to read post and you will see meds that others take.

One of the meds I do take for pain is called buprenorphine or subutex. It has controlled my pain for 4 years. Its a synethic opiate and less addictive. It doesn't mess with your head either. It's just start being used in the US for chronic pain. I was told it was being used in other countries for many years. I get mine prescribed from pain management. I would never go back to any other med for fibro.

I do the following for my fibro. Heat, light exercise, rest when I can, limit stress, Vitamin D, calcium, magnesium, remron and subutex for pain. I hope I could help you some. On weekends the forum is a little more slower so give it time and others will way in.

Post Edited (ak angel) : 9/28/2013 7:51:02 PM (GMT-6)

Hi Csmams, One the on the back pain issues, just a suggestion as we are all different and I don't know what is your wife's back pain cause but I had a lot of back pain and I was sent to Physical therapist and learned to do core exercises and they corrected my posture. Really big for me. Just a suggestion but I was very tense and they worked to educate me and relieve some of that pain. They also said never bend your back but hinge from the waist. It really helped me. Don't know if that is applicable here or not.
Would your wife read these posts with you? She would see that you are trying to get her help! I didn't want to admit to this disease either. After many doctor visits I have come to accept and now I am working to sort it all out. I had reached my limit this spring when my depression was so high I almost lost my marriage over it. Whew! I turned to a friend who is a counselor and she has helped me so much. Just talking about it helps. We women need an emotional outlet.
Good luck to you and I hope she can find the help she needs

My wife visited Today a psychiatrist and he informed her that she has anxiety disorder and depression. He gave her some meds to work on her sleep first ...I don't know yet the meds names ..will know when at home ...how is this related to FM as doc said all are relevant ..also she is still in life take this med or not... The doc said for her if she doesn't she might get to bibolar ...can you give me more insights given this context ....thanks for all

Mo
Welcome
Wonderful that you are supportive of your wife.

Researched online years ago & found documentation linking neck injuries to fibromyalgia. This may be helpful in discussions w/your wife & family.

I too resisted pain meds for a long time but my quality of life was really poor - exhausted despite spending so much time in bed leaves little time for anything else..

Searches on this forum will provide threads discussing the difference between addiction & dependency for pain control - once I got THAT straight in my head I could not feel guilty about seeking pain relief

Take care & thank you for your patience.

Much free info online re: devin starlany

Csmams - I am so sorry your having to go down this road. My husband went through this road with me. I can remember those days where he was at his ends wits with me. I guess I would tell her you are very concerned for her well being. So concerned I wanted to undertand all about fibromyalgia. How it effects a person. So I decided to do some homework on it. Tell her you found some great things about it. Explain to her that her depression is very common with fibro. Ordering that fibro book will show her how all this plays apart in fibro. I know you love her because what your doing, so tell her you care enough that it hurt you to watch her go through this. Tell her we can work through this together. We can take this step by step. Ask her to trust you on this. These are some things you could say to her.

I am not sure how depressed she is. Sometimes people get so low that they can't make safe choices for themselves. I have been there before. I was hospitalized for my chronic depression. Is she able to do daily chores and her hygiene? Does she take care of the children?
The reason I am asking this is because it can kind of tell me how depressed she is.

You might also find some good help on the depression forum. They might can give you some ideas how to approach this to. Do you know the med that they ordered for depression?

Csmams- I am glad your wife is able to take care of chores and kids. This means she hasn't given up yet. She got some strength on there. At least she is trying the sleep med. I hope the nutrition person is not leading her away from the treatment she needs to receive.

Depression can be heredity. Women tend to have a higher rate of it. When suffering chronic pain, it can set you up for depression. After hitting rock bottom for myself I now know how to put safety nets around me to prevent a deep depression. Many of us see a therapist for the chronic pain.

I know you had a long day, so you get some rest. You can only do so much to help someone. Hang in there!

Csmams- all those diagnoses you mention due follow under fibro. I feel if you suffer from deep depression seeing a therapist does help. I feel it's part of a having a great treatment for fibro. Therapist are good to teach ways to reduce anxiety other then meds. I was able to go to a free class on anxiety. It taught me many ways to reduce it. It gave me some great coping skills. If you decide your wife is going to see a therapist find one that works with chronic pain and illnesses. As I said before in the US our psychiatrist do very little therapy work. They mostly do the diagnoses and meds.

Try not to get overwhelm by all this info I am giving you. What I did when I first came here was I listed all my symptoms. As you know it can be a page full. I put the worse of the symtoms at the top and followed with the least issues. I tried to have some kind of treatment for the ones I had on top. I worked on those for weeks to perfect something that might work well for those symptoms. As I got those undercontrolled I would move down the list. As I said before it does take time to figure what is going to work for you.

Pain and fatigue are probably on the highest of most of our list. The pain is most likely causing your wife depression. Getting proper sleep is another factor in this. The vitamin supplements really makes a difference in the pain. Exercise is on top of my list to reduce the pain.

Once you start reading the book you ordered. You will probably Be amazed on what your reading. I was so happy to read it because it was like the missing puzzle has been found all these years. I knew I wasn't crazy and here the answers are in that book. This info your learning here is never taught from the Dr's.

I dont have skype. I have first generation I pad. I get a new one this Christmas. I do have email at [email protected]. Maybe I can continue to answer your questions there. I am so excited you ordered the book.

Post Edited (ak angel) : 10/10/2013 1:13:07 AM (GMT-6)