Fibro is not my friend today!

I am standing on a battlefield. There is a huge long dragon wrapped around my body and extending out in front of me. Its head is in front of mine, face to face with me, eyeing me in a challenging way. It's blowing fire in my face. I am mad at it, and I am desperately swinging my sword at it, trying to kill it - but all I seem to be able to do is nick it every now and then. It just laughs at me and strikes me again. I am enraged - it makes me feel like a fool, like I'm hopeless and totally unskilled. The rage clouds my thinking and I don't even notice the dragon's thorny tail whipping around and striking the back of my head - I feel dizzy and out of control, and I start to fall down, but as soon as I fall, I land on the spiky tail of this nasty beast. It is so painful that I have to get up again. I am so exhausted from fighting that I want to fall down again - but if I do, I will only land on the spikes again and the pain will only get worse, and my body is already burning, bruised and in agony. How long can I stand and fight? My strength is ebbing away. The pain feels so bad that I can't believe I'm still alive.

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My best dream has come true. A wonderful new life is developing inside me :) But I am so tired all the time. Every morning I wake up and vomit, vomit, vomit. My back hurts, my leg hurts, my head hurts. I keep going through these crazy mood swings and my hormones are just going berserk. And I'm scared. What happens when I go into labour? Oh, the horror stories I've heard of extremely painful, drawn-out labours. But... I'm excited and delighted! Something wonderful is going to be produced at the end of this, and it will all be SO worth it!! I can't wait to meet this beautiful new life! :) This baby is part of me, and I accept it, with the bad things and the good things it will bring - I choose to believe that how I deal with this child will make a big difference in how he/she develops and affects my life. There will be ups and downs, but the ups will make up for the downs - I will see to that myself.

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Fibromyalgia: are you battling it like it's a dragon out to get you or accepting it as a new part of your life, with both the good and the bad?

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Just rest and take it easy for a day or two, then you can get back up again. Don't fight fibromyalgia, just work with it and adapt to it. It's harder to do at first, but in the long run, it's actually easier. It's part of your body now, and it will change who you are, I won't lie. But you can choose how it will change you. You alone have that power.

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I do understand that it's easier to say these things than to do them. Life is a learning journey; it just happens that for us, fibromyalgia is one of our teachers.

Oh, I'm relieved - I wasn't sure what you'd think

No, I am not pregnant, although I long to have a child. These are stories, illustrations only.

Thank you anyways :)

This is not the time in my life to have a child, for several reasons:
•I don't have a husband; I don't even have a boyfriend.
•the doctor said it's very unlikely I will ever get pregnant; although I'm hoping that now I'm gluten free, my hormonal problems will clear up. (By the way, the only person who knows this is my best friend because it's just too painful to talk about.)
•I am a bit concerned that I may have Lyme disease, which can be passed on to babies in the uterus. I'm still awaiting my Lyme test results.
•I am not yet properly in control of my health.
•I am not in a financial position to support a child yet.

One day, when I am healthy enough, managing my health conditions really well, have some savings, a steady income and a good husband, I would like to adopt a child (or maybe a few, but one at a time). I have always wanted to adopt, even before I knew that it was unlikely that I could ever get pregnant. My father was adopted, and I will always be grateful to his parents for that. I have had several friends in foster care, and it has convinced me that I want to provide a stable, loving home to at least one child whose parents cannot provide that. The emotional and behavioural issues that foster children have are heart wrenching and preventable.

Post Edited (Jasmine Grace) : 4/5/2014 1:29:37 AM (GMT-6)

ak angel, fibro is not your friend, but make sure you are friendly to yourself. :)

Good luck with your tests. I understand your frustration. I hate questioning my diagnosis because it makes me question whether I am doing the right things to take care of myself. Just today someone asked me "Are you sure it isn't Lyme?" I said yes, I think so, but I think there's another (uber-expensive) test they may not have run.

Ah, the cleaning part - is it worse for our fibro if we do the physical activity, like cleaning, or worse for us to experience the negative emotions that come from not cleaning (frustration, self-loathing)? I'd love to see a study done on that!

Ah, do I ever know what you mean, Angel. I carried a few piles of papers that I'm trying to sort through (ridiculously light) up the stairs yesterday. It fleetingly crossed my mind that I might pay for it later...sure enough, towards the end of today I started getting pretty bad pain in my upper-mid back. Had to use a cold pack on it for awhile, and it's still not gone.

It's so hard (hear hear, Melissa!) to see everything around you get messier and dustier all the time, and have to push down the impulse to Move it, Clean it, Change it!! I swear, that's what sends me out of the house most of the time....to walk around parks, or stores, where things look good, and I'm not responsible for them ;)

Anyway, Angel, let us know the results of your MRI, ok? It's always better after you find out.

Debbie