Church and fibro

I've been in search of a church in my new location and I found one that is comfortable for me. The biggest plus is I don't have to wear my glasses or hold a hymnal at this church. The hymns' words are up on a screen.

My question has to do with socializing. When my husband and I attended a dinner at the church a few months ago, several of the women asked for my phone number and they invited me to attend the monthly women's meeting. One woman wondered if I would do some volunteering. And another asked if I would be interested in attending a small get together of women at her home. I told her that yes I would be interested.

Perhaps they were doing this to get my husband and I to join the church? Since we aren't in a big hurry to do this just yet, I never did get a phone call from any of these women.

To add to this story, I did mention at this dinner that I was somewhat limited in what I could do. One of these women had asked me if I could cook a meal for the youth group now and then (20 to 30). I had to tell her that I couldn't do it on my own and I gave a few reasons why.

It's difficult to know how far to go explaining my situation and it's also sometimes difficult feeling left behind.

I would appreciate your thoughts.

Sometimes church ladies (I know; I am one ) tend to go a bit overboard with the welcome wagon. They don't want to be perceived as unwelcoming, so new faces often get a full court press. I would assume that the intentions are good, an attempt to make you feel welcome, but the execution can be overwhelming.

Having said that, it is perfectly acceptable, and probably wise to take your time and feel things out. The invitations have been extended, it's up to you to pick and choose what, where, and when you decide to participate, if at all. Sit back and watch and wait and see what areas of socialization might appeal to you. It might be wiser, if you decide to participate, to join something that is just purely socialization or study focused, at least at first. That way, you won't be expected to have to "do" anything.

It took me a long time to learn how to say no to things I knew would be difficult for me to do. I have learned to either say, "Thanks. I'll think about it" or just come right out and say that my health issues won't allow me to do _______ (fill in the blank), but I try not to elaborate. I will just use the generic "I have some health issues." If my inability to do something offends someone else, I just consider it their problem.

If you DO decide to socialize or participate, you could always talk to the pastor. He/she might be able to help you decide what things might be most suitable for you. I had to cut way back on my volunteering, and now, I just do some clerical things at home. It's a once a year event, and I take care of the registration process. It's plenty for me, but I still feel like I am participating. I am also planning to start attending a Bible study, which will just require my presence and nothing else, but will allow me to connect with others. I have a friend, who also has many health issues, who mails cards to people. She basically started a card ministry for the church and sends cards to new moms, new members, people who have lost a loved one, newly married folks, etc.

There are tons of ways to get involved and participate at your own pace, but only if YOU want to do so. Take you time, and try not to feel pressured.

I used to be more active in church social activities, but have had to scale back.

Maybe you could look for "behind the scenes" activities, such as belonging to a prayer chain (you could even volunteer to do the phoning), helping with the church bulletin regularly or occasionally, donating cookies, bars, etc. to activities, hosting a donation box in church for a good cause (obviously, check with your pastor first), or something like that.

I used to help with making salads for our Fall festival, several years ago. The lady who was head of it was great at it, but aging, and would tease me that I should take over. But as you likely know, with fibro, trying to plan for hundreds of meals of salad could easily get messed up and become a disaster (I speak for myself here), so I explained that I couldn't be more helpful and wouldn't be a good choice to take of the job.

I think we just do what we can, and shouldn't feel the need to justify why we can't always be more active in activities. Don't feel guilty.

Sometimes, it takes time to get to know people in church or elsewhere. That's why I enjoy phoning our church prayer chain's members. It's a nice way to keep in touch, even from home.

Best wishes!

I get a little worried when any group's first questions and direction seem to be about what you can do for them. That's the feeling I'm getting here (especially since no one bothered to call you after asking for your info and you telling them that you couldn't do a lot of the things they asked you about). As others said don't let them guilt you into doing more than you can. But, it really is important to try to find a place you fit that can provide you support while allowing you to give back in the ways you are able. If that means all you can do is pray then that's all you can do. If you can be support for others they do that, there are many things that don't involve physical activity.

It sounds like such a warm and loving group of ladies. What a blessing.

My husband and I have always been involved in church until he became disabled. We loved serving. But, both our lives have changed. He is not able to serve the way He used to and neither am I.

I am his caregiver so I am very careful how involved I become outside the home. I also have Fibro so I'm cautious about over doing it because it will effect how I take care of my husband and home.

We both decided that I could be involved in the women's Wed. night bible study without over doing it.This is a perfect fit for me. I look forward to it. There is great support with the women. I help teach every other week.

I had someone ask me this past week if I was attending the Spring Outreach Fashion Show. I know they need help and it's very hard to not volunteer. I've struggled back and forth whether I should go and help. But, I had to tell this sweet lady 'no, I'm not attending'. It's hard to say 'no', especially if we struggle with being a people pleaser (I do!!!) ... but it becomes easier when I keep my goals in mind and not allow others opinions (or what I fear their opinions may be) to be my guide. I was able to help them by making phone calls from my home to invite people... which I did.

We are commanded to serve but serving comes in many ways. Praying for others is a wonderful way to serve. Loving your neighbors. Loving those God has placed in your life. I like to send cards to those who are housebound or sick. A phone call to encourage someone is so appreciated and you don't have to leave your home. There are many ways to serve without overdoing it physically.

The Lord gives wisdom to His sheep when they ask.

Thanks, everyone, again for your wise, caring words. Maybe I should try attending the women's monthly meeting for a start and see how it goes.

It's nice to come into this website and get the support we need when it comes to fibromyalgia and our limitations then also to be guided, to be reminded that it is better to see a glass half full rather than empty. I do often take the time to tell myself how very blessed I am.

Sherrine and Austen are right. We have attended our church for 3 years and are not members. The pastor would like us to 'join' but we believe that it's not a commandment in scripture so we're free to either join or not. My husband has decided 'not' to join for now. The church is very loving and doesn't have a problem with it.