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Posted 7/20/2009 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
I'm leaving tomorrow to be with my dad who has liver cancer.  This will probably be my last trip and I am terrified of that.  He's back at hospice and they don't give him much longer.  I just want to wake up and realize that this has all just been a bad dream.  I wonder how I even have any more tears to cry.  I hope he knows who we are when we get there.  i only spoke to him 3 days ago and now he is not talking and we don't know if he even understands.  He asked for my sisters and I and we are rushing to get there. I need him to hang on.  I don't know if I am more afraid of seeing him like this or not.  I am terrified of watching him die and I'm terrified that he will go before we fufill his wish, that just may be too much for me.

This is the worst time of my life

Posted 7/21/2009 12:01 AM (GMT 0)
Cat510, I am so sorry that you are facing this difficult time. I understand completely how you feel. I went through almost the same thing with my mom. It is not going to be easy so brace yourself. PLEASE remember that even though he can't speak (probably from hospice medicating him) he can still hear you. Say all the loving things that you want to say, hold him. tell him you love him. Let him know that it is OK to let go. They ned to know that you will be OK after they are gone. If you or he is spiritual don't be afraid to pray with him. I have tears in my eyes even writing this because I remember the pain I felt at losing my wonderful mom. It's OK to cry and OK to grieve. The one thing I am so grateful for is that she is not suffering anymore. GOD Bless.
Posted 7/21/2009 2:04 AM (GMT 0)

Cat, he will try to hold on until you get there.  I believe that.  As Shelly said, he will hear you and know that you are there.  I pray that he can hang on until you can see him and say goodbye.

Big hugs,

Connie

Posted 7/29/2009 4:17 AM (GMT 0)

1shelly1

I didnt get to read your post until after I returned and I feel better because I did everything you said.  My Dad died on Thursday 7/23.  My sisters and I did 90 mph to get there and he hung on for two more days.  It was agony like I have never known.  He was in a semi coma like state but I do believe he heard and understood us.  We told him we were there and how much we loved him.  And that we would be o.k. The wonderful doctors and nurses at hospice thought he would "let go" after we arrived but he hung on.  They were surprised and we wondered what else there was we could do and then it came to me.  He wanted us to leave.  My dad was the type to always protect and shield his "girls" from any harm or pain.  And he knew this was killing us.  So we whispered in his ear that we were going out for a bit and would return soon.  The last thing I whispered was that I loved him and that it would be ok to go if he wanted that we would all be ok and take care of each other.  He left us a little while after we left.  I know the suffering (for him) is over.  We know he is in abetter place and we will one day be together again.

Thank you for your post.  It is very comforting talking to people who understand our pain.

Cat

Posted 7/29/2009 4:21 AM (GMT 0)

Connie,

Thank you.  My dad did hold on for us.  He died two days later.  We are grateful that we made it and believe he heard us tell him how much we loved him and that it would be ok to leave us and that we would be ok.  The pain of seeing him like that will never leave me and I know now he is a a better place.  I will miss him forever.

Thank you for your kind post

Cat

Posted 7/29/2009 8:45 PM (GMT 0)

Cat, I'm so sorry for your loss, but very glad that you were able to tell your dad you loved him and that you all would be okay.

You are welcome to post here any time you want to, even though your dad has passed on.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 7/30/2009 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Cat, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I know exactly how horrible it is to watch your loved one slip away from you. Plesae be assured that he knew you all loved him and you were there with him. The words you whispered in in ears gave him comfort and peace. How fortunate he was to have you all at his side and saying all the things you wanted to say and he certainly wanted to hear. Bless you and your family. Take the time to refect and enjoy the memories of your good times with him. Have no regrets. Time is what will heal you.
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