hi guys(my moms story inside too)

hey im sorry it has been so long since i been on. i have been so busy and life is hectic. its a different sort of hectic than before, as now i dont have to worry bout doctors and appointments or anything(i would do it again in heartbeat if it meant having my mom). the pain of losing my mom is lessening slightly but the missing her is as strong as ever. i will sometimes pull up my phone contact list to look at her number, or get the sudden urge to call and pick up the phone to do so but then i remember that i cant call heaven(Lol). i recently celebrated her birthday without her but i did sing to her urn(stupid eh). i feel so much better now that i have some of her remains with me but now im waiting on social security. i signed everything necessary now just waiting on the hearing.

HCAP covered 25 grand at one hospital and now i am waiting for them to cover them at the last hospital so from her social security will hopefully not have to pay any doctor bills with it. i am actually hearing more from my sister now that mom has died, funny how that works out but i am not complaining. i am no longer worried bout the guilt i know i did everything i could to help her. as dtm said though its hard knowing there is nothing you can do to fix your loved ones.

the main reason i am writing is for the caretakers of this disease and to say hi to all my friends. for the caretakers: this disease is a horrible disease but it also teaches you alot. listen for what it is trying to say. enjoy life to the fullest. dont let it over run your life. dont take anything for granted. tell your loved ones you love them. hug them and kiss them. try to let them know how you feel. if you are stressed out take a walk or a break. dance and laugh as much as you can. do your research on the disease and you can control the disease slightly(if it wasnt for this site my mom would have died a year ago cause her bloodwork was so bad but because of the advice from here i was able to get the doctors to give her the right meds). never give up and fight for what you believe in.

for the kids of alcoholics or addicts. that is not your fault. you didnt put them in the situation. dont let anyone put you down because you stick by them despite the addiction. do what is right. alcoholism is a disease in itself. no one knows what the kids of alcoholic parents go through unless they been through it themselves. know you cant fix them they have to want to get clean or have the willpower. sometimes they want to quit but dont know how. i know we blame ourselves but we cant do that. dont let it make you  lose your esteem rise above and fight that feeling. it is not your fault. if you guys need anything i am never far away.

try not to think of what is to come and cherish every moment with him. if you think of what is to come you will miss out on cherished moments. does he have a power of attorney? if he doesnt get him on the way to one. all you have to do is go to human resource office in the  hospital. i got the paper but never filled them out and it was a nightmare. what are his wishes? does he want life support or does he not? does he have wishes for funeral, buried or cremated? this is all stuff you need to find out and do before his time comes, but dont let this stuff get in the way of spending quality time together. watch a movie, go to dinner, laugh and dont think about the disease. even people with t his need a break from thinking of it.

i have learned alot and even though the disease is horrible i feel that it also brought me and my mom closer together. maybe that was gods intentions all along(not a great way lol). i cant get over the missing her part. thats the only thing. i kinda feel an empty space. it angers me w hen i hear people say they hate their parents(esp. ones who have a good mom) or that they cant wait til they are gone because i know they will reqret it after wards. i want to shout at them at least you have your mom.

it is still weird not having her around yet i am grateful for the time we had when she was clean. i am glad we got closer together and glad for the chance to show her i love her and fight for her wishes. and it brought me and my sister closer together so that is a good thing. i hope that my story helps others out there and i think tomorrow i will post in one post my moms story and her complete struggle if it is ok with you guys. maybe in that i can help someone else who is struggling. i know i posted bits and pieces but i have a sudden urge to talk about my mom and i dont know anyone to do it with.

ok sorry got busy but here is her story. it may be long.

when i was born she was addicted to drugs,heroin i believe and it was hard but my grandparents raised me. my earliest memory is when i had a ear infection and my grandma was coming to get me from visitation with my mom and my mom gave me a choice to stay home from school or go with my grandma and go to doctor and go to school. well i loved school then so i chose school. well my mom was angry and the next day she called to talk to my grandma but she wasnt there and she hung up on me. she denied it but she did. when i was eight she cleaned up and i went to stay with her and my sister and things were great. we did things together and became a family. i started to trust her again even though i didnt want to. well when i was sixteen she started drinking but it was only a little at the time. by the time i was seventeen she was stealing money and things from me to pay for her crack and alcohol addiction but she blamed my cousins who were living with us and i believed her because they were trouble makers. well i went to florida with my hubby that year to meet his dad and when i came back my mom had fled with my sister to athens to get away from drug dealers. later on my mom fled back home to escape drug dealers from athens. then one day she did a hit and skip but no charges were filed but she lost her liscense. her jobs were off and on depending on how bad the drugs were. on new years eve her, my sister, and my sisters boyfriend came to stay the night at our house and while we were sleeping my mom stole my hubbys car. in the morning we realized it and we called the police. my hubby gave me the choice on whether to file charges on her but the police said since they didnt catch her in it there was nothing we can do to her which saved me from making that choice. to this day i dont know what my choice had been. Later that week my hubby found a crackpipe in his car. we banned her from the house. oh yeah she had previously stolen money, alcohol, and medicine from us to. when we got married she was at our reception where she stole cards that had money but we h ad no idea until people asked us if we got their cards later on. by then my mom had lost ties with most of our family. she had taken my grandmas car and gave it to drug dealers temporarily to pay for her drugs and my grandpa had to go get the car back. when my grandparents died she gave everyone hell so most my uncles cut her off. she became homeless for a while and got clean off of drugs but continued to drink. the shelter helped get her a apartment cause my mom was good at fooling people into believing she quit drinking and drugs. then that went to hell and she almost bled to death one day because of a old scar tissue coming loose from a hysterectomy when she was younger.
she lost the apartment and went to another apartment then moved in with a boyfriend. she kept drinking and almost cost me my promotion because she was drinking beer in my car without my knowledge. how did i not know, she put alcohol in a fast food cup and i didnt check it at that time. one more time she snuck it in the backseat and i had to make her throw it out w hen i caught her drinking. then one day she just seemed to stop drinking and then she had to have gallbladder surgery and then she told me about the cirrhosis. well a year later she tells me about the hep c diagnosis but by then her blood levels were really bad and she was jaundiced and was at the hospital every other day or week for almost a month until i found this site and stepped in with her care.
a year after finding out about the hep c my mom had a perforated ulcer and had to go in for surgery and when she woke up she was not there mentally didnt know people, was not coherent and kept asking for her parents. we had her transferred and then she started leaking fluid out of her eyes, nose, mouth, ears, and her incision so they had to do another surgery and she had only a fourty percent chance of survivng. she came ou t but never woke up. a few days before her surgery her urine output was low and the urine was extremely dark and i told the doctors her kidneys were gonna fail but they said that they werent. the next day after surgery she was fine but that night she developed another infection and her liver and kidneys failed and her heart was gonna fail so i had to go to the hospital to have them pull her off life support in which she died ten minutes later.

because of the alcohol and drugs my mom lost most her family, lost me in a way as i didnt trust her and never would even though i still helped her she lost out on some good times with me. with the hep c i started to regain some sort of a relationship but i lost out on a mother. i felt abandoned and in some ways i still do. but i do feel i learned alot from all t his and maybe my story will help someone here. i would love to hear comments if you so wish if not at least i got it out here.

your welcome. what kept me going is i seen who she could be and i know she also had a hard life. her dad was a alcoholic, her mom was always sick and i think she was bi polar but undiagnosed. when she was clean she was a wonderful person. she was fun and loving but the drugs corrupted t hat. and despite the drugs and alcohol she would have killed someone if they hurt us. she never married because she was afraid we would be hurt. so she was a good mom in some senses but it was the alcohol and the drugs that made her that way. i couldnt let her die alone and you cant help who your parents are.

WG I read your story and I have to say you are a better person than I! Both my parents were alcoholics and I had enough by the time I was 15.... tired of the mess, fights and also being the parent to 3 siblings. I ran but they found me and dragged me back to the states, they went west and alas I headed east. Been here since, my dad commited suicide when I was 21 six months after my first husband died when we were hit head on by a drunk driver. My mom passed 2 years ago she had early onset alzheimers but had been sober for 10 yrs she remarried of course another alcoholic and the cycle continues...

I lucked out though, I found an awesome family that finished raising me and I never looked back. I have outlived two husbands but have many good memories and belong to a family of 11 siblings that chose me and I them. Yet the cycle continues my oldest of three daughters is an alcoholic who doesnt want to admit she is yet........I worry about her everyday! I sometimes worry that someday I will be taking care of her and watch her go through all this... I just dont know if I could do it.

Sue

Worriedgirl, you are a very strong person! It is very hard to not give up especially when mostly all tell you from treatment facilities to let them hit rock bottom on their own and to leave. I think it's harder to stay and not give up. You are right that it's up to what feels right for you and some need to leave the situation and just hope for the best. I'm still dealing with my husband and his drinking its good for a couple of weeks and then he starts all over again.

I wish the best for everybody and my thoughts and prayers are with you all,

DeeDee