liver disease/failure

hello all. thought i would give an update.... mom still fluctuating between good and bad days.. today started out good but slowly went downhill.... i am so thankful to have yall to vent upon.... i say a prayer for all every day.

you are in the same position as me. my mum is killing herself slowly with alcohol and had esld. she too misses her doctors appointments and it can be very frustrating knowing what to do. lately she had a spell in hosp (over 10 weeks) she fell and broke her hip then contracted mrsa. she did not drink for approx 3 months but she is back on it.i know how you feel as it is so heartbreaking. a vicious circle that is never ending and if she does not stop death is inevitable. I too pray for god to take her quickly and put her out of her misery,but he has decided to wait.I Have detached myself a good bit, still need to do it some more. my thoughts are with you and others that are going through the same,its torture.
truth is no one but your mum can only help herself, you know that.drinking will make her more unreasonable.it will make her tell you anything to get an easy life without hassle, she wont remember she doe not realise how much she is hurting you.she is trapped in her own world.
if you get some good times make the most of them, enjoy her when you can create some more good memories. your mum might fight back,but that will be her choice, my thoughts are with you....

NC, the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us that "the alcoholic is like a tornado roaring through the lives of others."  And, of course, leaving destruction in their path.  An alcoholic is selfish and self-centered, dishonest and fearful.  It is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit.  Your mom has given up.  All she wants is to be left alone to drink undisturbed.  You have to handle it in the way that is best for you.  I personally had to cut off all ties with my mother.  I had only lived with her for 6 yrs. of my life, so we were never close.  At some point, your mom will probably have ruptured varices or some other medical emergency that will either end her life or land her in the hospital in critical condition.  Does she have a Living Will?  Could you get Power of Attorney or Medical Surrogacy, if you haven't already?  These things could make the end easier.

Hugs,

Connie

 well its another day.. mom didnt drink as much yesterday so that made for an almost pleasant day...Allie, it breaks my heart to know that you and so many others go through the same thing as me.. its hard to explain to people that my mom is still enough in her right mind to make her own decisions. no, she cant tell you what day,month or year it is but she can tell you where the nearest liquor store is. the yellow tint to her skin is becoming more apparent every day. until she just cannot do for herself at all our hands are tied. until she shows harm to herself or others we cant do anything.. i guess drinking yourself to death is not considered harm to yourself..i have a wonderful husband of 28 years who is very un derstanding. he says that your mom,do what you have to do.. she says she does not have a problem,she is not sick, and she is complete denial. i have always believed that everything that happens happens for a reason..... so im sure Gods plan is in place...at this point i just pray she finds salvation before she dies... i will hold you all in my prayers...

my mom was tired today.. and very quiet. it is so easy for someone else to say "walk away, just let em handle it themselves.. my mom is an alcoholic who is tormenting all of us,herself and killing herself in the process, but she is my mom.. that is not easy to walk away from.. she doesnt want help. we have come to realize that. so we shall just wait til she cant make decisions on her own.. she still has very lucid moments, so now we just go day by day and pray for those very infrequent good moments....few and far between but they do come. so i am thankful for those. i am going to try very hard to focus on the good times and realize to try to live for the day. and walk away when shes angry....

who knows what goes on in the mind of an alcoholic. my mums house is usually warm she wears long sleeved jumpers and still lies on the couch with a knitted blanket over her.maybe today she is reflecting, trying to get rhough her own pain. i would not say this means she is getting worse, it might just be she is a little depressed and does not want to talk. remember deep down she will be unhappy with herself..

DeeDee, is the drug you mentioned Nevia (naltrexone?)

Hugs,

Connie

The list is endless when i think of all the changes in my mum caused through her drinking. Just before all her hospital visits she looked as if she had put on loads of weight, but it was swelling, her face blew up three times the size and her legs wer so swollen the fluid was oozing through the tissue, the skin so tight it must have been so painful to watch. apart from her stomach which is always swollen she looks really thin, no muscles evident and a very noticeable stoop in her back.Her face is gaunt, a real shadow of her former self.
i Cannot remember the last time i got a xmas or birthday card even the kids she forgets them. I went out with her beginning of december first time in a long time, she wanted to buy her xmas pressies, she was exhausted we went into two shops, she got something for my daughter, son and husband. that made me happy i did not bother about myself. They have not got the presents yet,nothing was mentioned about them, i have not brought it up to her, sp they are still in her wardrobe, and they will stay there.
Today i feel in a better place, my mumis back in hospital after yet another alcoholic seizuire. the hospital are doing the routine tests, again i spoke to them about my worries of her being at home. but her partner is taking her home again, so i will stay out of it. This time i went to see her, she is looking ok, does not know why she is there, but i have had enough running to and from hospitals. she does not want to stop drinking, i am done asking her to. i will visit when i can, but no more listening to doctors and her going on about her health. I know i cannot stay away completely, but i feel a little relieved as i always leave her feeling inadequateas a daughter, and i feel that has to stop.
NC there will be times when you can cope better than others, be strong for your own sake and hers. My heart aches when i hear people going through the same or even worse than me. it is so frightening because it is so common.
my mum is precribed a drink called forty sips, i think it is an extra vitamin,supplement drink which helpsto build you up,if you are not eating enough. Maybe ther is something similar you can ge for your mum.

 hello all. well just needing to vent a little today. my mom just seems to get meaner by the minute. i am just wondering does this disease worsen a already bad mood. her arms are black and blue. feet still swollen, belly still not too bad. her face is a mixture of yellow and gray. she has been drinking. and smoking those horrible cigarettes. she just does not care anymore. she can still get around somewhat. but well on her way to a complete shutdown. she had an appt with kidney dr 4 months ago. and she went, must not of liked what she heard, refuses to go back for follow up appt. my sister and her 10 mth old lived in a  house behind mom and in one of her horrible moods, my mom kicked them out...  but she always turns stuff around so its not her fault.it is so hard to love somebody that evil. if i were in her shoes, i would be cherishing every moment with everyone.  i would be living for each moment and thanking God for one more day. but she will die the way she has lived her life. in complete denial about her drinking, in complete denial about the way she has treated others, and in complete denial she has ever did anything wrong..... i feel pity for her. i love her, but i really dont like her. i will care for her if and when the time comes she is completely unable to care for herself, but that still doesnt mean i have to like her. they say you always hurt the ones you love, well i would just as soon she hate me. im sorry im so down today, but i just feel hopeless when it comes to her. she can make you feel that way...thanks. im praying for everyone.

 Connie, sorry I didn't see your med question until now, It's called Campral  DR 333MG tablet, he takes 2 tabs 3 times a day. He says it does help with the craving for alcohol.

Dee Dee

Sorry to hear about your mom :( The mean-spiritedness may be the alcohol, the liver disease, or even the depression of being near the end. If she gives it up she may have a chance but if not what can you do... It is sad to watch though. I hope the best for both of you. Take some time for yourself too, and hang in there.

learning to detach with love is very hard.I have been proud of myself until yesterday when i went to see her in hospital. Nurse came over had that look on her face, that look of so her daughter has finally turned up again, but what do they really know? I have not been since Tues so that really was the longest. she was quite confused, nurse wanted to go into it all again asking if she meant it that she wants to quit. my mum as usual told the nurse what she wanted to hear. I am tired of the same story, i am tired of tests, results making appointments with the same outcome, so I am refusing to be sucked in again. Sometimes she acts as if I do not really exist her world revolves around keeping her partner happy, after all he is her carer he is responsible, what do i do???Just sit and watch...I ended up getting myself upset she was upset and the cycle starts. But this time I will not speak to the medical staff, I have stated time after time what my opinion and thoughts are, i am sorry that I cannot rise above it all to sit there all the time and feel compassionate and agree on everything, I cannot do that. But I have had so many years, I was worried what if this time is the last time she is in, I cannot desert her. But the years pass and she is in a worse state saying the same things and my family are getting older so am I , I am 45 this year none of us is getting any younger. So I say to you born and bred you like me can be in this same position in years to come, think how you want your life to go. the alcohol has affected me in these past years, I have been short tempered on adge a lot, with my kids getting the brunt of it. My daughter has spent half her weekends over the last 5 years visiting old folks homes and hospitals one after another. We are only here once, so we have to make the best of it. By all means be there for your mum but try and find a way to distance yourself from the hurt and pain she is causing you.Be honest in yourself in what you are prepared to do, and try and stick to it. You can give her reason after reason why she should change, but she has to want to and has to do it for herself and no one else.

I am pretty sure my own mum will die from this terrible disease. occasionally i think about how it could be, how it should be but I know that is not reality. They always hurt the ones they love most think of that when your mum is being mean, she will want to push you away she does not want to take responsibility of what has or what is happeing to her, she does not want you staring at her, she like my own mum probably wants to be left to get on with it. Hopefully we will find the strength to get through this.....