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Posted 4/2/2010 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
so true allie... we give and give. and get absolutely nothing in return,except maybe feeling good within our hearts and knowing we tried to help. i dont expect a loving relationship with my mom. because i gave up on that years ago. but if i can at least have a civil one and make her a lil more comfortable without losing my sanity, im gonna try. and it takes a big burden off my stepdad, who is a great guy and doesnt drink, for me to help. he too is caught up in this,and he is 72 years old. i do live right next door, so if something goes wrong, he calls me. as the saying goes,she made her bed,so let her lay in it. but if i can help the ones around it who are suffering too, i will. i refuse to feel sorry for myself over the whole situation. whats the point. wallowing in self pity wont change a thing. and that just brings back memories i dont care to remember. i still cry. a lot. but im determined to see this through and be a stronger person because of it... she makes me mad as crap one day and feeling so much pity for her the next.... just another day in the life of an alcoholics family...
Posted 4/3/2010 7:58 AM (GMT 0)
Every situation is different and how someone copes with it. I got a phonecall to say that my mum has been taken back in hopsital, but at least i know she is safe there. One of my problems is that she does not want to know me when i am out but when she is in she acts as if all these years have not happened and i should tell her everything that is going on in my life. apart from my husband and two kids I have no other family. I do feel a little sorry for myself from time to time I get on with it and do not wallow in self pity.I do what i am allowed to do as she definately keeps me at arms length. I do see the pain her partner goes through but he also has that choice although it is a difficult choice.although he gets the really bad times he also gets good times with her. I suppose it is natural instict to want your mum to be a mum.I suppose we all have to find a way to live comfortably in our decisions, but sometimes there is no easy way out is there
Posted 4/3/2010 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
yes it is such a life of an alcoholics family, i so share your pain. i remember wanting my moms love and for the longest i didnt get it. when she quit she did give it and it was great but i couldnt forget the past and i found myself waiting for the next screwup, the next slip. towards the end it didnt happen but i didnt trust her. i think of all the times i missed with her, things that a mother and daughter should do. i long for the relationship we should have and could have had. it hurts dearly. many have asked my why i did so much for her when she didnt do for me. well the reason why is because i loved her and i knew walking away would be wrong in her case. in my moms case she had no one else and she would have died if i didnt help. do i regret sticking by her side? no i dont because when she took her last breath i was right there holding her hand telling her i loved her and forgave her. she got to go in peace and known that she was loved. she had no family, no husband, her parents were dead, and her brothers had given up on her and one tried to kill her in a drunken rage. i think we do what we do hoping for a change and for some of us it does come while others are still waiting. it takes a strong person to stick by an alcoholic and you guys are all strong. i hope i am making sense.
Posted 4/9/2010 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
just giving a lil update. hoping everyone is doing ok. my mom has been having up and down days...... no anger for 3 or 4 days. but im not holding my breath expecting that to last. i finally got written permission to the dr from her to give me all details from now on. and now i have more say so in what is going on. im glad of that. wish i had gotten it sooner. take care and bless you all.

Allie-hope all is well.

Connie- hope you are sleeping better.

Arneeb- i have been thinking and praying for yall daily.

Posted 4/9/2010 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
I am so glad that your mum gave you permission, it will make getting information easier and at least medically you will know where you stand. Take the good days (or quiet days) when you can get them, maybe then will be a good chance to sort of bond with your mum, create some good memories if you can. You are doing as well as you can, remember look after yourself if you can.

Posted 4/9/2010 10:50 PM (GMT 0)

I agree...be grateful for the quiet days.  Glad you got your mum's permission in writing to get medical info.  That should make things easier for you.

Remember to be good to yourself.

Hugs,

Connie


Posted 4/10/2010 8:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thank u... and for u too.. prayers!! Sandi

Posted 4/10/2010 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
just need to put into words how im feeling today... yesterday was a bad day..we truly thought it was the end. she was totally out of it. couldnt hardly talk,didnt even try to walk did make it to bathroom, b ut couldnt get back up and needed help.. in a sleep like daze all day. not much better today. is this normal? i mean as normal as normal can be in a situation like this? it was like a semi coma. does that make sense? how much longer can this go on.. she says she is not in pain but how do i know she is telling the truth? is this toxins building up in her, i have read numerous things about this but i still feel like i know so little... are we looking at days,weeks, months, this is like a bad dream. i know there is nothing that can be done,they have told her that, so now we just wait. and she gets worse every day.and i sit by and watch. wishing there was more i could do. she isnt eating, claims she is not hungry. i think that is part of this... i know that no one knows when the end is near,but i feel it is getting close...i hate that. i wish she had lived her life different. then i would feel more at peace about her dying.
Posted 4/10/2010 9:49 PM (GMT 0)

NC, it does sound like she is nearing the end.  As you know, nobody can tell you exactly how long she has left.  However, when they stop eating it almost aways signals that the end is near.  The body starts shutting down and will not want sustenance.  When she urinates, ask her not to flush.  If it is very dark, it means the kidneys are shutting down.  I know this is very hard for you and of course you wish things could have been different.  I think we mourn what WASN'T the most.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 4/11/2010 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
nc what is the doctors saying about her condition right now, ask them for their opinion. in my experience of the toxins building up they have made my mum very confused, memory hopeless quite distressed. at other times she does not eat much apart from sweet things, she is sick alot cannot keep things down. Your mum is totally exhausted she may have some sort of infection, remember she will have little or no immune system her body will react to differently that ours.You definately should not be going through this alone without professional help.

Post Edited (allie2631) : 4/11/2010 5:21:59 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/12/2010 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
hi nc born i am so sorry you are going through t his. is everything all set up for her, all her last wishes taken care of? now is the time to let go of all the hurt she has caused you and try to forgive her, if you can do that. let her go with your love and forgiveness, trust me you will feel much better for that. she loves you despite all of the alcohol she has drank and all the times she has let you down she just didnt know how to show it. i forgave my mom and held her hand until she took her last breath(i was the only one in the room when she did even though i lied and told my sister otherwise, i know that is bad but it was for the good) and i wouldnt change anything about that.
Posted 4/12/2010 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
 im not angry at my mom anymore.. even when she was really drunk and mean i didnt hate her. i still dont like the things she has done, but i have forgave her,and i will always love her..i know that being an alcoholic is a disease, i firmly believe that... it was a disease she could have fought if she had tried harder, but she chose not too. now instead of watching her great grandchildren grow up she is missing out. i  do feel cheated out of things but now i feel so much pity for her. even being an alcoholic, she used to be the toughest lady i know...she is my mom, and i woulnt change that, but i would change some things that happened...she doesnt want to talk about anything being wrong with her. i have been making some arrangements for when the time comes. i dont want to think about it but my siblings dont even want to talk about it... i have always had to be the strong one, and sometimes that sucksconfused  i guess they think i handle things better. if they only knew. im not really all that strong. i just look out for everyone else. my lil sister took a lot of crap from my mom,and when she became a teen, it was even worse. it was always me  being 13 years older that had to step in between them. so now i guess when something does happen,i will once again be the strong one,at least in front of everybody else.
Posted 4/12/2010 3:29 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry you are going through this.. it is a horrible thing to go through--- Just take the time you have left and forget about the bad times, and love her until she passes--- Its hard to forget the things that an Alcoholic does to thier family, but forgiving and forgeting are two different things--- I had a very long and hard ten years with my husband and his disease of  Alcoholism --- but I put that aside his last two months on earth and I am very glad that I did---- take this time to talk to her and love her because once they are gone they are gone, and you really need this time---- God Bless you and keep you in his arms during this struggle!

 

Alcoholism is a disease, I firmly believe it myself-- It takes total control of them and it is so hard for us to understand why they choose to drink over thier family or over thier life-- I try to think of my husband being free now, free of the horrible disease and having to fight daily to not take that drink!... and that he is at peace now, and doesnt have that struggle any more!

Posted 4/12/2010 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry you are having to g through this. Yeh it is tough with an alcoholic in the family. You NC are like me in so many ways. If my mum really needed me i would be there in a shot. I just got a phonecall ther to say she is back in hospital fell drunk again splitting her head open. This time she has a large heamatoma (sorry do not know how to spell it) on her leg, hospital banadaged in on Sunday. Anyone any ideas on that!!!
I hope one day to understand this disease better, too many bad things to forget, But i do still love her. NC you be strong like you always are, you are a credit to your mum. I am thinking of you through this difficult time you are having
Posted 4/12/2010 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
well yesterday her blood pressure held steady at 127/65. pulse rate 66. today its 194/101.  i dont understand this blood pressure stuff. she is taking her bp med every day... took it this morning and 2 min later said she was going to bed. she is sleeping an excessive amount. out of a 24 hour period yesterday she probably slept 20 of them. as for the doctors, even if there was treatment to be had, she is adamant that she is done with all drs. they have made it plain they really cant do anything,but make her kind of comfortable. she doesnt seem to be hurting, just tired and completely wore out... she ate a lil broccoli yesterday and hasnt ate anything today. am i doing the right things? just keeping an eye on her and being there to make sure she takes her meds is all i can really do...is it normal for bp to keep fluctuating like this?????? the nurse doesnt seem to concerned.. but i am stressing..

Aliie--im sorry about your mom. i will continue to pray .

Posted 4/12/2010 6:35 PM (GMT 0)

Nc, you are doing all that you can.  She is nearing the end, which is why the nurses aren't concerned. 

Hugs,

Connie


Posted 4/14/2010 10:43 AM (GMT 0)
NC how are you coping, are you ok??? and how is your mum doing??
Posted 4/14/2010 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
hello. everything is pretty much the same. moms bp today was  187/100. she is sleeping a lot. very gray pallor for the last couple days.. im going to clean her house later today. as for me, im just here. i feel like this is a nightmare i will soon wake up from. i know that there is nothing to help her. i cant make a miracle happen, but that doesnt make it any easier.cry  sometimes i feel like life is a cruel joke, like when she was feeling half way good,and cleaning her house. i was thinking hey this might not be as bad as they say , moms cleaning house, eating a little,maybe them docs are wrong.but then reality sets in, she stops eating, bp on the rise again, wont eat, and sleeping again.... life sucks sometimes..

these are the main things going on with mom right now.

wont eat.

swelling in feet and ankles. some in stomach.

sleeping probably 16-18 hours out of a 24 hr day

weighs 89 pounds

always cold.

bruises everywhere.

short term memory gone but long term still good.

bp extremely high..

are these normal things that are going on?

Posted 4/14/2010 4:48 PM (GMT 0)

Normal for someone with end-stage liver disease, NC.  As I said before, she is showing signs of being near the end.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 4/15/2010 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
hope everyone is doing well... i just wanted to ask a question today..is jaundice always present with liver failure? my mom is more of a gray skin tone color now.

and i noticed today that even though the ac wasnt on in the house, she was complaining of being cold, but she was sweating. what is happening there? thanks..

Allie.-Sandi i hold you both in my thoughts and prayers..

Connie- how are you?tongue

Posted 4/15/2010 10:01 PM (GMT 0)
jaundice is very normal with liver failure. at one point my mom was so jaundiced she was almost green, though i wo uld have her looked at by the doctor. and when i say she was jaundiced it was all over her body. my mom was always cold too.
Posted 4/15/2010 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
nc born, I was never jaundiced, at least wasn't yellow. After the transplant, everyone keeps telling me how pink I look. They say I was grey before. As to feeling cold, it goes with your liver not doing its job. I was cold, even when the temps were warm, especially when there was a breeze. **David**
Posted 4/15/2010 10:54 PM (GMT 0)

NC, not all end-stage patients are jaundiced.  Some are gray or pasty.  The yellow tone comes from a high level of bilirubin and not everyone has that.  Even with liver cancer, I was never jaundiced.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 4/16/2010 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
My mum has periods when she is very jaundiced usually noticeable in the eyes. But not had it for a while, she too sleeps a lot, is cold constantly lies with a knitted cover all thee time. she gets bloated from time to time, her legs swell badly, her arms are covered in large bruises now she has a hematoma on her leg been told it is because of her liver not functioning properly
Posted 4/17/2010 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
it helps so much and is comforting to be able to talk to others who have been through or are going through the same thing...i thank you all for that.....pretty decent day for mom today,i guess. blood pressure out the roof, ate a little, slept a lot...   and my mom has a small space behind the house where she has always had a garden. my brother walked her down today and she was talking bout getting the garden ready....i wish my mom had the energy to do her garden... i guess we will do it this year..

 i did get to a

 ballgame tonite that my grandson was in. relaxing. well kinda. the other 2 grandsons are 2 and 4 and not very patient bout watching a baseball game.turn

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