mom

This is why I posted about Mike still taking the blood pressure pills.. the doctor at the Mayo warned about it.. but the specialist here in Fargo never caught it... and that's what started the episode that killed him was his blood pressure crashing.. then kidney failure.. etc... but he was maintaining the fight until then.. lost some valuable time.. and I too feel so guilty that I didn't follow up better than that... Sandi

Does anyone at times just wish they had their lives back. I was a 14 year old mother of twins and my youngest was born with spina bifda with mylo. and then went to work in a nursing home then a hospital now I am taking care of my mother. I think I see a pattern and today I just want my house and life to be peaceful and a taste of freedom. No caregiving. Now I get why people ask how long it is going to take. I just had a busy day at work and I want to have be able not to have to watch what I say all the time and decided I would say hello again.

Pug, it made sense.  It sounds like you have been a caregiver for a very long time and you are getting burned out.  Do take time for yourself and try to get sufficient rest.

Hugs,

Connie

Mom is having some back pain but I think thats is her arthritsis. I do have to say I am getting tired of taking care of people and at times I just want to run and get crazy myself. Of course even when I had the chance to do that I didn't do it which sooooo ticked me off. I have a natural do the right thing gene. And my sensible side kicks in when I think about running. My daughter with spinda bifda will always need some help but does good and mom has been doing so good if I didnt have the liver doctors report I would wonder she just didnt want to move in. She really doesn't have much for signs right now. But something I guess I should mention is me and mother never was really close nor got along well. But my caregiver side says take care of her she is my mom. So I did and moved her in I am worndering if I moved a little fast in moving her in ? She has not much signs of cirrhosis and when I read something I feel like maybe I acted To quickly.

Mom just doesn't seem to have any signs of any kind right now. She was tapped once and has lost wieght and now she hasn't had any signs of the cirrhosis. In my work I only have seen the end when they were about to pass not really leading up to it. And what I have read she is doing great by most standards. How long is it before the signs start again like the fluild builds. She has lost about 40lbs. She says she is feeling fine and she doesn't look bad. I guess I just want to talk and I find you guys a blessing so I can say what I think and I don't have to feel alone. I realized I am not the only one to feel this way. I really wish we could get a play by play so we knew we were doing the right things. I want her to be able to do the things she wants but I also wonder  if I should have waited. The doctor said 1 to 3 years but after reading the diffrent things I decided to have her live with me thinking she would need help right now. I am anylizing this to much I know but at least I am getting it out and caring for myself. When I tried to talk to someone else I think I can sound rough do to working with the elder folks since 1992 and all I really said was I dont want her to feel any pain. Which I didn't think was that bad due to I gathered from reading this can be very painful. And seeing the elderly be alone I just can do that even though she has hurt me I just can't do that. My this feels soooo good to say these things. My husband is a good person but doesn't want to know everything. He has always been close to my family. I am sure a person can get down with just the waiting and worndering whats next. It's kinda wierd being on the other end of things and seeing the other side of what families go though with their aging family members. I feel liike it will make me have a better understanding of things.

Post Edited (pug5) : 6/1/2010 1:47:12 PM (GMT-6)

Even with all of her other medical problems and she really is a tough old bird. I guess I will need to figure out how to deal with it I dont think moving her out than in again at her age is good either. It could make things harder for her she is 73 years old. And she really does have alot of other medical issuses. I believe that is why the doctor gave her the 1 to 3 years. I should mention that I do work with this doctor so he feels comfortable talking to me straight. And he has been good contact with the liver doctor. So I feel he did good with his diagnosis. I wish I good felt more positive about some of my choices but going but second guessing myself is not helping either. 

Post Edited (pug5) : 6/1/2010 2:19:25 PM (GMT-6)

Must of not sounded right .Not just at my job. But a better and more understanding person in general. I at times can not very understanding about other peoples choices so I believe that is why I am wondering about my own choices.

Post Edited (pug5) : 6/1/2010 2:39:13 PM (GMT-6)

A lot of the time, people with a devastating illness are in denial.  They just don't want to know about the signs and symptoms or what they may be in for down the road.  By not exploring these things in depth, they can pretend that nothing is wrong with them.

Hugs,

Connie

Well checking in mom has been doing pretty good. She sure has lost alot of weight over 40 lbs. She also smells funny I read somewhere on here about that but can't remember what it said. What's wierd she has things going on with her eyes almost seems to have gotten allergy eyes but she doesn't have allergies like that. She is pretty mobile and happy. I have come mostly to terms with it I still have some things to work through. But I didnt realize how much I was in a fog too.

Pug, I'm glad your mom seems to be doing oikay.  The odor you mentioned is likely fetor hepaticus caused by her liver disease.

If she seems to want to get closer to you, let that be your gift to her.

Hugs,

Connie

I am getting to know mom a little better. She is looking so small and mom was never a small person and she has lost so much weight and I swear is shorter. Its just weird seeing her like this and it happens so fast. But she also seems so good she is happy to be losing weight and she tries excrising I dont see it hurting anything so I just keep an eye on her. I still at times would like to have my old life back but at other times I am glad I am getting to know her and I think she is glad she is getting to know me.

I agree with PG.  I've lost almost 3 inches, partly due to aging and partly due to hip replacements and revisions, where a little bone is taken each time.  As for your mom's weight, 207 isn't exactly skinny.  The weight loss might actually make her healthier, in terms of BP, heart, etc.

Hugs,

Connie

I have 5 mixed breed dogs. I do know 207 isnt skinny but so much weight in a short time.