update

NC, I hope she will be out of her misery soon and stop causing you so much pain.  The person my mother became as a result of her alcoholism is what made me stop drinking.  I saw myself becoming her and that was a very scary thing.

Big hugs,

Connie

here we go again...how many times have i said that. I really do feel for you, I also know inside that loss you feel, the empiness inside and that horrible gut feeling inside of you when your mum is being nasty and generally not caring about you and what you are going through. My mum also has the habit of making me feel the lowest of the low. it does not matter when others say that is the drink talking, they do not mean it....because the harm is done. One of the hardest things i think about alcoholism and liver disease is not just the physical deterioration but the way it makes people so self centred and selfish. They want to blame everyone but themselves for their problems
You are anything but a fool, you are a good person who has had a lot to deal with, but you will come through the other end. some days you will be stronger than others. Like you ifeel pity when i look at the woman my mum has become, but I know i am not responsible for that she is, life is not always easy, we have to go on the best way we know how.
Its terrible but i pray for this nightmare to end for my mum and for me. (I would like nothing better for a miracle and for her to stop drinking, get better and then see if we can salvage any of our relationship). i know you wish for the same, it seems never ending, the suffering for everyone goes on. My thought are with you going through this, yes we will come through the other side, when i do not know...

NC, I am sooo sorry.  However, it's good that it was fast and he didn't suffer for a prolonged period.  Your feelings are entirely normal.  Have you tried writing them down in a journal?  Or getting some counseling?  I have been exactly where you are.  I eventually was able to let go of all the bitter feelings and the anger and disappointment.  Those were replaced by sadness and later on gratitude for the things she had taught me--even just by being a horrible example.

WG, it may be hard to believe but some parents really are incapable of loving.

Big hugs,

Connie

NC, you are right--the years of drinking have affected her brain.     t's called "wet brain" syndrome.     Same thing happened to my mom.  They make no sense at all at times.  But she doesn't love herself...she loves the bottle.  It is her "all."  You have to find a way to let go of the anger...and you will.  It may not be time yet.

Hugs,

Connie

kMy thoughts are with you... and prayers too.. sandi

Sandi get your frustration out, you have every right to be angry at your mum, I feel your pain i was in your shoes when my gran died my mother mourned her and I was so angry with her because she was never there for her, even when she was she made her life a misery. Sadly it falls on deaf ears, cause your mum will not take it in. I have lost count in the times I have raged at her, got myself sooo upset and for what....
you have the memories of your stepfather, you mourn him try and ignore her. It is strange that sometimes we can control the anger and other times we just gotta let it out. So let it out...
its hard to take when all they care about is their next drink, please do not be too hard on yourself.

    made it through another day...   didnt cry as much today. so i guess thats good. shes drinking but not drunk... guess i should be grateful.

Sandi you really need to take a step back, get sometime for yourself and to mourn your step dad. Its not easy when your mum lives so close to you, my mum is about 20 min drive away, that makes it a little easier. Just take one day at a time, like you said.

As with your mum, she will do what she has always done regardless, she will probably make your step dad passing the excuse although we know she does not need any excuse. Nothing we can do will change what they do. That is so hard being helpless, being able to do nothing. They have a one track mind, so you must be strong like you are and pick up the pieces and try and get on with your life.

Take care of yourselfx