Father ill, need support

Hello everyone, I am new here and just need some advice. Two years ago, I took my father to the hospital to have an umbilical hernia repaired. It was supposed to be a simple outpatient procedure. The surgeon came out and informed me that they would need to keep him overnight for observation because they had to drain a few liters of fluid off his abdomen. I was confused and the surgeon flipped through his chart and said, "it's probably a complication from his diabetes and liver disease." Well, needless to say I was shocked, mainly because I had no idea that he had either of the diseases. Later, while in his room, some Dr.'s from Internal Medicine came in to talk with him, and he made me leave the room! So, I have no idea what went on in there. This was very upsetting to me to be left in the dark. I am my fathers only child and he is no longer married to my mother. I was very distressed and scared, but I decided not to say anything to him because I wanted him to have a stress-free recovery from his surgery. He recovered and really seemed to be doing well, and I have never asked him about the diseases that he has been hiding from me.
It is now two years later, and I can tell that he is ill. I know he goes to the VA often. When I was visiting him last weekend, I sneaked a peak into his medicine cabinet and was amazed at the array of prescriptions that he takes. He takes high blood pressure medicine, but I knew that. He had medicine for diabetes, beta-blockers, medicine for cholesterol, diuretics, prescription vitamins, and anti-biotics that said they were for "fluid in the abdomen." There were others, I just cannot remember them all.
Needless to say, he has never discussed his health with me so I have no clue what the deal is. All of he research I have done on his symptoms leads me to Liver disease. My father is tough as nails and I know that he does not want me to worry or fret over him. He is the best dad in the world and I know he is just trying to protect me. My question is this: Do I continue to pretend that I am clueless to his health problems or should I confront him with this? I am scared that it would break his heart to find out that I know of his illnesses, as he is only trying to protect me. Are there anyone out there who has been in a situation like this that can help me?
Thanks.

Hi Lucy,

Sorry to hear of your dad's illnesses.  You'll find a lot of support here.  I would recommend sitting down to talk with him about how very important he is and how you will be there for him if he needs your support.

Sorry this is brief but I need to run...will touch back shortly...I'm sure some others will chime in soon.

DGinSd and Pink Grandma- Thank you so much for your quick responses. To answer your question PG, I don't think there was any Lactulose in with his meds, there was not any liquid medication there.
I'm really glad that I found this site, it makes me feel some relief just to be able to write all this down. I try to talk to my fiancé about my fears, but I just don't think he quite understands.
My dad lives a few hours away and I've decided that I'm just going to have to make arrangements to visit him every weekend that I can in order to get a better grasp on what is going on. This is all very difficult to absorb. I've been reading posts on this forum all day and I am very frightened. My heart goes out to all the people struggling with this illness and to the family members and caregivers.

Lucy I think that is a good idea.  You need to find out where he is at with this disease.    Good luck........thoughts and prayers.......

Connie-My parents divorced when I was 5, I am 33 now. My father lived 4 hours away, I can only assume that if he was a heavy drinker that he kept it well hidden from me. He was always a social drinker, a glass of wine at dinner or some beer while fishing. It's just hard for me to fathom him being a secret alcoholic or something. He was always present in my life driving 4 hours every other weekend to be with me, never missing a holiday or birthday. He was a career man respected at his company until he retired. He worked overtime when I needed braces or college tuition. If he had a serious drinking problem, he was the most functional, well behaved alcoholic in the world.
He has struggled with his blood pressure for 40 years or so, he has always, (my whole life) taken medications to control his blood pressure. And when he got into his 50's he had to start taking meds to control his cholesterol. I always thought it would be his heart, as heart disease runs in our family.
I am trying to prepare myself to have a talk with him. I don't know where I will find the strength. I am glad that I can talk openly and honestly in this forum, your kind words and advice do help.

Dear Lucy
Welcome to the forum, and thank God you are here.Lot of people will help you and you are not alone.I am also a ne comer here, but the way i m getting informations from connie, pinl grandma, arneeb you will find it more helpful you ever guessed.

I myself is a liver cirrhosis patient, just hatched in one week, I am trying to get most from this forum,and these remarkble peoples.
Lucy you are adult enough to take care and share of your father's responsibility, take it well. Definitely he will let you do so.

Talk to him calmy, gently with kind and tender that we most human want for. definitely he will help you, once you can talk to him everything will be clear.Let us know of your advancements.

Good Luck
Rupok

whatever your choice Lucy... my thoughts and prayers are with you in these tough times... Sandi

Lucy, As a parent I was thinking about this dillema you have, I remember how difficult it was to talk to my girls about women stuff, sex etc.....! I caused myself so much stress to get to that point and it really wasnt as bad as I thought it would be!! Now you have to take a deep breath, dont stress about THE TALK.... remind him that he would be worried if it was you that was sick and not telling him. Parents can be a stubborn bunch, take all the learning from here and use it to help him to help himself, you to help him. Good Luck
Sue