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how to deal with the stubborn issues

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Posted 10/9/2010 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
hi everybody thought i would post a new thred,the other was getting kind of long.The problem is my dad has now started to get really stubborn,he insists on driving,an my sister followed him in her car,an he was all over the road.However he insists he has been driving 50 years an is ok.He was taken to the emergency room last week as he had a bad fall,which he blamed on wrong footwear he was wearing,we know this wasnt true,an he will insist he is ok.He is becoming very agressive with my mum.an she rings us in tears an says she wants to leave him.Ihave tried to point out that they have had a good marriage an she cant give up now when the going gets tough.Ijust dont know where to turn.The doc at the hospital asked my mum if she could cope with him in this state,as he wont eat ,is falling,tired an all the other typical symptoms,mum said she could cope as dad was in the room when the doctor asked this.she seems afraid of him,she has always been the submissive one.They are actually going to a seaside resort to a hotel this week,an he insists he is driving there even though my sister has said she will take them,it will take 2 hours to get there an we wont rest,but when we tried to have a word with dad today about how he would be tired,an not to drive,he got agressive with us all an in the end went to his bedroomn an would not come out.We feel helpless,mum dare not upset him an refuse to get in the car,i am just so frustrated.He is certainly not drinking we know this,an the ascites is gone after been drained for the third time,so he thinks he is fine now.   take care all of you   spooky
Posted 10/9/2010 6:03 PM (GMT 0)

Jan, it certainly sounds like the disease is progressing.  His ammonia is probably high.  Is he taking Lactulose?  If not, he should be.  If he is, it probably needs to be increased.  Also, it sounds like someone needs to take his car keys.  The doctor may have to tell him he can't drive.  He cannot see the changes in himself, or he doesn't want to believe them.  Your mom needs to stand up to him.  This is no time to cave in.

Perhaps others will have more input.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 10/9/2010 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
hi hep hope you are well at the moment...Dad is not on lactolose,i cant understand why not but i know his blood pressure is low thats why i think he is falling,he also has the low blood sodium.I do realise what you are saying now as in dad wont be aware that he is changing will he?I can just imagine taking the keys off him or "losing them" a good idea as he is losing things all the time at the moment. Thanks for been a continuing support to me. spooky x
Posted 10/9/2010 7:19 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, Spooky, I'm fine, thanks!  Someone needs to contact his doctor and request an ammonia level be done at his next blood work.  Although the falls may be due to low BP, the issue of losing things and being belligerent and antagonistic do sound like high ammonia issues to me.  Of course, your mom can tell the doctor in confidence (perhaps by phone) that she can't cope with your dad, and have him placed in a nursing home.  However, I don't think he's at that point quite yet, from what you've said.  Your mom needs to know that the situation is likely to gradually worsen.

Hugs,

Connie


Posted 10/13/2010 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all.

Hubbyand I have a going argument about the driving. when ammonia highest, he lets me drive. when it is in between, he wants to drive.  And sometimes he should not!  This is my new plan.  If he is having a good day, fine.  Ammonia under control. I'll even drive with him.  Ammonia high, I drive.  he even knows it is the right thing. In between but he is on the loopy side of things, I won't drive with him. so if he drives, I take a second car.  He is starting to see my point.  We have had to leave his car places and he comes home with me.

I agree, get the doc to talk to him.  BUT, keep your Mom safe in the meantime. 

Posted 10/15/2010 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, my mother is end-stage liver failure, and she has not accepted the fact that she is dying. She is suppose to be on fluid restictions, but she isn't complying with it. She has to go once, sometimes twice a week to be tapped. Her diease from doing drugs, which she no longer does them, but it has really messed her up. The doctors keep telling me that she may only have less than a year. She is mentally wearing me down, and don't know how to deal with this. Any answers? 
Posted 10/15/2010 2:28 AM (GMT 0)
Cynthia, welcome to the forum.  You might want to copy and past your post into a new thread, so you don't fall between the cracks.  Just hit New Topic instead of Reply.  You could also copy and paste it into the Caregiver's thread.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 10/15/2010 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
Day 17...I think. When you lose track of the day and can say mid Week 3, that is an accomplishment.

Hubby has been alcohol free for almost 3 weeks!

Never thought I could say that.

His ammonia levels were down today. Woo Woo.

But edema is worse. They added 2 diuretics today...he'll be up all night peeing.

He is encouraged.

Now he is on me. If he can go 17 days alcohol free, I should be able to lose a lot of wt...it just takes his newfound willpower.

He has a point.

Night from MamaLama land.
Posted 10/15/2010 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hey ML-congrats on mid week #3.  I am in line with you!  Glad to hear the ammonia is down.  How long until the fluid will go down too?  Mine hasn't got on me about my weight yet...but that will probably come.  I've lost 12 pounds with all this worry.  Plus I stopped drinking one day before him.  So I'm not having those empty calories anymore.  I am trying to cook better for us too...doctor said good nutrition will help heal his liver.  So I make sure we have at least one veggie every night.  When I am really on I go for one cooked veggie and a salad.  Glad that he is encouraged.  Mine is feeling badly...his difficulty with simple math and the slowness of his body and fine motor skills is really bothering him.  But it is so much better than it was just a week ago.

Anyway, good night all. 

ML-congrats again on almost 3 weeks.

Emma

Posted 10/15/2010 4:25 AM (GMT 0)

I'm happy for both of you and hope your guys continue on this path.

Emma, fruit counts, too...fresh or frozen.  Apples are in season (I like them baked.)  My dinner tonight was a big avocado salad with butter lettuce, tomatoes, green onions, and 1/2 strip of bacon...with a low-cal vinagrette.  I also had a pear and a peach.  I'm going to make 3-Bean Chili over the weekend, which I like even better than regular chili.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 10/16/2010 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
spookyjan,
the encephalopathy makes everything so much harder for the caretakers. for most of the past month, mom refused to eat because her ascites was so bad and she felt so crappy. we literally had to force feed her most of the days and bribe her with little treats (yes, like a child), i.e. "if you finish this nepro, maybe i'll go get you an iced coffee later". sometimes she'd shut her lips real tight and not let the spoon get in, but i'd stick it in anyways if I thought she could tolerate it. the dr. told us she had to drink 3 nepro a day since she was getting malnourished - and a straw seemed to help the process a lot. i know at times it seems impossible, but you can do it and it will help! just tell your mom to hang in there - and it is very important she take away this keys so he's not a danger to himself or others - i know it's hard to take away the things they want to do, but it's worth it in this case.
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