Jan,
As the years go by, more and more of the senior members of my family and circle of friends have died -- plus some young ones from war, tragedies or cancer.
It is always a sad and difficult time.
But cannot be avoided...this is the natural course of things...we live and then we die...the spiritual among us look to a greater beyond and they are blessed with that comfort. Regardless of the Higher Power in your family's tradition, the end comes eventually.
My thinking over time is that we do all we can do to cure that which ails our loved ones, seek all remedies, and then, when there are no more alternatives, move to pallative care, and give our loved ones the most comfortable, peaceful, tranquil passing we can. But there is more! Sometimes we need to give our loved ones permission to pass. They may be hanging on because we have told them we cannot live without them. Would it not be gentler to let them know we'll be sad, but we'll be okay...?
I have felt bad for 35 years that I didn't give my Mom that peace...crying and carrying on when she passed too soon. But I did better with Dad, gave him all I could at home til the last, but let him go, quietly in his sleep with no 911 call, no heroic measures at the end. It was his time. Amen.
That's how I feel this time. Hubby is very ill. He may or may not pull it together this time. He may or many not last until a transplant. It will be sad and this transition will be horrible for HIM, for me, his daughter, my kids, the grandkids...we all feel helpless as his journey is not under our control. But if it is his time, we will be sad, but we will be okay. We will have each other to redifine our lives. He will be with us in the happy memories we have gathered though his life, especially in the years since his disgnosis.
I hope your Dad has a comfortable "transition". I hope your Mom can bear her own paid. And I wish she could give him peace.
I am sorry it is your Dad's "time." Don't feel guilty. Hug everyone.
MamaLama