End stage liver disease

Hi everyone

I'm new to all this and don't really think there is alot of help, but it could help to share the problem

My brother has been a heavy drinker for many years.  He has been to AA, but didn't stay long as he didn't agree with them.  He had 3 months in re-hab 18 months ago and did really well, but since then his drinking has gone back to it's old levels.  He has to go into hospital every 2 weeks to have his stomach drained as he looks about 12 months pregnant.  His ankles are swollen, he can't walk far, gets breathless, he doesn't eat properly and is very depressed.  He's had a cold for about 2 months now and things look very bleak.  He didn't turn up for his last stomach drain so his consultant has said he will have to be re referred by his GP.  He is married, but lives on his own as his wife can't cope with his mood swings and drinking any more. 

He's had a major bleed in the past and his 13 year old daughter had to witness her father vomitting up blood.

I don't really know what to do anymore and wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience.  I'm very scared that one day I will find him in a comma or dead in his flat.

Best wishes to everyone

any ideas?

Hey there AI....watching someone vomit blood is awful.... I experienced that many times... and watching and cleaning is horrible.... I agree with Rick... your niece needs to be a priority as is yourself.... I don't know who is helping your brother with the coordination of his medical services... but would be helpful to have someone in the family connect and get a Power of Attorney for legal and medical decisions... sounds like he maybe didn't go because of depression...or feelings of hopelessness which he compounds by drinking... and of course every day... he looks into the mirror and doesn't see himself.. and wonders who that person staring back is... and his body image is changing..this intensifies the fear... low self esteem... etc...and he turns inward with the drinking...waiting for the end...which drags on and on...it's tough as a family member or caretaker to look in... to try and help and realize when a person does not want help... until they are in that situation which makes them get help or which scares them enough to reach out for help... the best one can do is stand back.... prepare... give suggestions... and maintain your own mental health...and other family members...he did respond for a brief time in rehab...but until he asks for help... and that could come too late... he's on a self destructive pathway.. this forum is helpful...informative...and caring... take care.... Sandi

It is not easy when you stand by and watch someone close to you destroy themselves in front of you. You feel helpless, you feel alone in this nightmare. Sometimes you have to take a big step backards to truelly see what is in front of you.

He will not want to admit what is happening to him, he knows fine well the damage he is causing to himself and others but is oblivious to it ,as the need to take another drink takes over everything. In order for you to survive you must detach yourself if you can. Do what you can, make sure his daughter is ok. The effects of alcohol can make your brother very sick, you will think he might have reached the end, but this nightmare could go on for years. If he does not want any help there is not much you can do apart from looking out for his daughter and possibly being his power of attorney...good luck with that one ...as it took me at least 4 years to persuade my own mum, she still has not signed the forms. You will find out from reading older posts that each situation is different with a lot of common factors. It is never too late....

Connie-don't you mean "soul" not "sole"? You're a stickler for spelling...I couldn't resist asking.

Emma

Rick, thanks, it's like you've turned a light bulb on. I've never looked at my brothers behaviour as an attention thing. I've always felt very sad for him and wondered what more I could do. when there is no answer I feel as though I have failed him.
Everyone's comments have made me realise that I must not blame myself, of course I will continue to be there for him and my niece, but in the end the real desire to get better can only come from him.
What a great site this is, wish I'd found it a few years ago.
Any ideas?

Notsotuff you brought me back to when I was diagnosed with Hep B at age 23 or 24. I remember it was around Thanksgiving and all I did for a couple of days was sleep. A freind told me I looked yellow and that a few people I got high with came down with Hep B. I went to the doctor and he told me to not drink or no alcohol for a year. I lasted about 6 or 7 weeks and drank on the day of the Superbowl and did not stop after that for a very long time. Same thing when I was diagnosed with Hep C in the early 1990,s, every doctor since then that I have seen said the same, " The worse thing you can do is drink alcohol or do drugs, but mostly alcohol not even a beer".  I keep hearing that over and over in my mind. Worse thing you can do is drink. Alcohol and narcotics are the reason I am in this predicament. I was introduced to the AA program after my bout with HEP B at age 24 and could of avoided this situation, but no, I wanted to party. I have alot of sober & clean time over the last 27 years, but did a lot of damage to my liver through the relapses. My last drink was in Las Vegas 01/31/2009 and my last bag of dope was 2002.