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Posted 6/13/2011 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
We have noticed a lot of behavior changes in my MIL as you all know, increased anger, crying a lot, yelling, ect. She has gotten to the point nothing makes her happy, and she cries about everything. So, this morning she started crying because she didnt feel good. I just straightforward asked if she was depressed. She said yes, because she is so sick, and never feels good. She also said because the kids dont treat her nice. Well with that, I told her you have to give respect to get it, so if she wanted to be treated good, she has to treat them good.

I know it is normal to go through all the stages of grief when you find out you are dying, nothing can be done, but is there a safe form of treatment when your liver is so bad? I really think she needs something to help her, it will also help us too. Dealing with her emotional roller coaster has made life H*ll on us. I told Mark he needs to talk to her doctor, something needs to be done.

Thanks for any input,
Natalie
Posted 6/13/2011 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
Might I suggest anti depressants and a retired male stripper from your local nursing home ? Worked wonders for my granny , Afterwards she requested we bury her in whip creme for some odd reason . No need to thank me for the advice , I read it on the internet and just repeated it to you .


A. Ziffle
Posted 6/13/2011 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry Nattie, that must be awful having to deal with that and not knowing how to help her....I don't have the answer but I'm sure somebody here does. I hope there is something they can give her to help. You really hate to see someone you care about depressed...

Wishing you the best!!

Posted 6/13/2011 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Ziffle(rick) can she take anti depressants with her liver in the shape it is in? It is a good idea about the stripper, lol.

Sadwife, Thanks, it is hard, especially, when you have no clue as to what can be done. I talk to her, but it doesnt really help.
Posted 6/13/2011 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Natalie,

This has got to be so hard on everyone. Can you speak to the Dr ? does she she a therapist? I hope you are able to get her some help.

Take care
Rose
Posted 6/13/2011 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
I see Arnie is looking to hog the spotlight, with his extracurricular hoofing. Remember, you can't make a silk G string out of pigs ear.

If your mil is terminal, what's the harm in helping her feel good at this point in her life?
Posted 6/13/2011 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
lol, good one David. She is terminal, and thats exactly what I thought. I dont think it is going to harm her much more than she already is.

Rose, no she doesnt see a therapist, she is only just now talking to me about it. We have had a feeling that is what is going on, but honestly, Mark isnt too good when it comes to dealing with emotions, especially his moms. She cries, he cries and caves in to what ever she wants. In the long run, it only hurts her and him, and makes everyone else miserable, because as long as she keeps getting her way with everything, she will keep doing it. She can get pretty nasty at times, I have wanted to throw the towel in so many times with her. I dont though, because I know that a lot of times she isnt in her right mind.

Not to sound really mean, but I think she is spoiled rotten. She married a man 30 years older than her and he gave into her all the time. He did the cleaning, cooking and laundry and she didnt have to raise a finger. She raised Mark to be the same way as his dad. So he caves, and gets her way. It isnt helping her at all

Natalie
Posted 6/13/2011 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
If there is a chance of her coming back from the damage she may try Lexapro for non damaging liver anti-depressant and Trazodone for a sleeping aid if she needs it . Who is this Rick character you are referring to ? I do know a Rick but he is far too course for such a lovely crowd like yourselves .


Mr. Ziffle
Posted 6/13/2011 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
A swine in a corset...doesn't sound kosher to me (or moi, as Miss Piggy says).
Posted 6/13/2011 10:31 PM (GMT 0)
Well I like Rick just the way he is, fyi. Anyway, there is no coming back for her, she is at the end of a long fight.
Posted 6/14/2011 12:04 AM (GMT 0)

Natty, Mark should absolutely talk to her doctor about antidepressants.  I don't think it matters if it damages her liver or not at this point.  She may also need a tranquilizer to calm her down when she is going ballistic.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 6/14/2011 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
Not sure where you are - but have you thought about getting Hospice involved?  Also, what about a death and dying counselor - someone who will help ease her through this time, and give you the tools you need to deal with her anger.  I would highly suggest talking to the doctor about something to help when she's aggitated (Xanex or Ativan), also an anti-depressant and a sleeping pill. 

My husband dealt with a lot of depression before his liver transplant (I honestly didn't think he would make it to transplant) - he was taking Lexapro for depression and Ambien for sleep. 

Best wishes to you.

Pam

Posted 6/14/2011 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
RC, we are in Ky. Her doctor says that he is not sure hospice would do anything because with liver disease it is so hard to judge the life expectancy, although he is sure it is less than a year. I think Mark should call and talk to them himself. I also told him tonight to call her pc about the depression. It is a good idea about a counselor, although I am not sure if she would go for it, I may try to talk to her. Her sleeping isnt really a problem unless it is that she always wants to sleep and gripes cause she cant. Hopefully he will call tomorrow. I will update as soon as I know something.

Natalie
Posted 6/15/2011 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
I wasd very depressed going through the whole diagnosis process and was prescribed lexapro. Helped me a lot and dr said it is easy on the liver.
Posted 6/17/2011 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
I will keep that in mind. I am not actually sure that I will stick around as a caregiver for much longer. Things around here have gotten pretty rough and my kids are first, so I may have to pull a Natasha and make the hard decision of leaving. I dont want to, but I cant take it any more!

Natalie
Posted 6/17/2011 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
Natty , I cant say I blame you if that's your decision . Some things in life you can't get back and one is precious time with your children . They are your responsibility first and foremost , It may suck having to do what you have to do . When we marry we accept certain obligations and going solely by what I have read so far you have more than complied , It's wrong for your husband to be caught in this position and my heart truly goes out to him . I often wonder what will become of my own mother should my father pass away , She is so dependent on my father . Hell she's never pumped her own gas much less paid the bills , She is " old school " and is very much a southern lady and likewise dad is a true southern gentleman a dieing breed nowadays .

I pray when the time comes my brothers and I face this situation that we will find the strength and compassion you both have displayed . There is nothing wrong with finding your MIL a good home close by and you and husband can visit as much as you like . Take care and godspeed .

A. Ziffle
Posted 6/17/2011 2:52 AM (GMT 0)

Natasha, you have done your best.  If I'm correct, you haven't yet married...just set a date to get married by the JoP, right?  Even if you were already married, you cannot be expected to put up with the continuing abuse from your MIL, especially towards your children.

My heart goes out to you.  You have our support in whatever you do.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 6/17/2011 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
natalie, i am so sorry things have got bad for you again. it was much easier to make my decision as it was my own hubby being unreasonable and horrid. for you it is so complicated. i think you have done so much for your m.i.l. and more than would ever be expected or required. sounds like your hubby is going to have to make a very hard decision also but ultimately it is not fair to have that pressure on you and your children. like connie said, a carehome would be ideal then you can still keep relationships in tact all the way round. i hope you dont have to suffer any more heartache than you have already and pray you get through this, together. thoughts are with you.xxnatasha.xx
Posted 6/17/2011 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
You know, I had really hoped it wouldnt come to this. I held on and on to what little respect I had for her until the other night, and now it is gone. Once my respect is gone it is almost impossible to get back. My rule of thumb has always been you have to give respect to get it, well she doesnt give it, so now neither do I.

I wont get into everything that has taken place over the last 2 days, there is too much, but I will say I am done with her. As to what Mark chooses to do, I have no idea. I have told him that I am done, and now what he does, is on him. However, what he does will impact whether we get married or not. I hate putting him in this position, but he put me in it. I will not stand for another person to hit my kids, to yell at them and call them names. I will not tolerate the names I have been called and the things done to me either. HE is not an excuse for everything she does. Quite frankly, hearing that anymore come out of his mouth P*ss*S me off!

I have turned into a mean, angry person, who is never happy. That is not the real me! I am always happy and always postive, with never a bad thing to say. I dont like myself anymore, because of her. So, that is what helped me come to this. I love Mark, but now is the test on whether he loves me enough to stand up and fight.

Regardless if what happens, I will always check in here and pray for all of you. You have all become distant family to me.

Much love
Natalie
Posted 6/17/2011 11:02 PM (GMT 0)

Natalie, best of luck and please do keep posting.  As you say, we've gotten to know you and now are concerned about you. 

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 6/18/2011 7:34 AM (GMT 0)
hi natalie, just checking to see how you are doing?? xxnatasha.xx
Posted 6/18/2011 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, I am doing ok, I guess. I am still here. I am trying to figure out what to do. I love Mark and find it hard to even contemplate leaving him, and he is torn. He feels like if he does right by me, he loses her, and vice versa. I dont talk to her unless I have to and dont lift a finger to help. Her sister came and stayed with her yesterday and I took the kids and had a fun day. Tonight Mark and I are going out to dinner and hopefully we can figure something out.

Thanks for the concern. I am hanging in there.
Natalie
Posted 6/18/2011 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
aww, good luck natalie, its good you are both going out tonight, make some time just for you two. the hard fact is, he is losing his mum, practically already has, he cannot base a future around her, around you, he can base a future. a care home is the best way then she will get over her angst with you all and you can visit. i hope it goes okay for you and that things turn out well.xxnatasha.xx
Posted 6/18/2011 8:50 PM (GMT 0)

I agree with Natasha:  A care home is the best solution to this dilemma, if at all possible.  Otherwise, you and your kids will be uprooted and your relationship with Mark might be broken beyond repair.  I also agree that he is already losing her--or has lost the person she was and will soon be losing her physically.  So I hope you guys can work something out.  What makes it difficult is that he will not stand up to her, which puts you in the position of taking a stand.

Hugs,

Connie

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