Not quite a year yet...

It's not quite a year yet that husband was dx with cirrhosis and quit drinking.  Just over 10 months.  But, we have come full circle.

Every summer we go up to a cabin in the mountains.  Our typical vacation is a "drink and float" vacation.  Drinking, swimming, golfing, grilling, drinking some more.  We always have lots of fun. 

Last summer I knew something was wrong with husband's liver.  His eyes were yellow.  I knew he was drinking alot...alot more than what was normal for him.  Drinking first thing in the morning.  Drinking in the middle of the night.  All the other symptoms that we now know were the liver disease were there, but at that time we didn't know what it was.  Only the yellow eyes.

Last weekend we went up to the mountains for the first time since then.  This is a place we have gone every summer since we were married.  Always look forward to it and it holds wonderful memories for us.  This time though, while looking forward to the trip I had an uncomforable feeling about it.  Was thinking about last summer and the dark cloud that was over us.  Remembering laying in bed in the morning and hearing the vodka bottle opening, then husband denying he was starting his day off with a slug.  Remembering two full days of last summer's trip where husband could not get out of bed, he was so completely tired/exhausted.  Hearing him gagging in the bathroom every morning.  He couldn't even do the drive home.  So tired he had to lay down for the 3 hour ride.

Of all the events (holidays, etc) that we have gone through being alcohol free, this time in the mountains was the event that I was most nervous about.  The partying was such a big part of our time at the cabin.

Anyway, the weekend was lovely.  We did all the things we usually do...just no alcohol.  And it was just as fun as it always is.  And actually more fun, because there was no dark cloud over us.  We have learned new ways of coping and behaving.  During a bit of shopping over the weekend I found a juice cocktail recipe book.  90% of the recipes are alcohol free.  Just a slim section at the back of the book with alcohol recipes.  (Usually it is the opposite).  We picked a fruit drink.  Mixed them up.  Served them up in beautiful glassware and enjoyed them. 

The interesting thing for me is that husband had his individual meeting with the chemical dependency counselor yesterday.  He told me that the bulk of their conversation centered around this trip to the mountains.  He was having the same concerns that I had had.  Usually he does not share much of what goes on in these meetings.  And, I hadn't told him about the apprehension I was having prior to us leaving for the weekend.  I thought it kinda cool how we were in sync on the feelings.  He also said that he enjoyed the weekend without the alcohol.  And that he thought this was the most challenging situation he has been in since he stopped drinking.  And we got through it.

We are feeling so good about it, we are going back this weekend.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to write it all out.  Cathartic.  Healing.

Emma

Yes!!!  We are enjoying life and we do enjoy being naughty! 

Just wish our wallets were fatter so we could have even more fun!

Emma

Emma, all the "firsts" post alcohol make one nervous.  Then you get through it and maybe even enjoy it, and wonder what you were so worried about.  It's been nearly a year...so the second Christmas and New Year's will be so much easier.  At the same time, there should always be a "healthy fear" present for the alcoholic.  It's when we become complacent that it's easy to slip back into old habits.  Funny thing...Mon. was my 25 years sobriety date....and it passed by without me even remembering it.  Because after awhile...especially when you are sober as long as or longer than you drank, sobriety is a way of life that permeates everything one does.

Hugs,

Connie

Healthynow - im on 1 year 3 months almost now (next week).

Not that im counting - I dont - but I do like it when I "look up" and another month or two has passed.

Its all positive - I didnt worry about these events - but rather "thought" about them coming up.

Mine are

Sisters Wedding

Christmas and new year (always were ULTRA MEGA TWO WEEK BINGES for me)

Next doors daughters 18th birthday party.

Holiday Away

My own birthday

Beer in Pub with mates (done this one lots now but with no beer - mates dont care anymore - and they get me to drive them home cheeky gits  :) )

A 40th birthday party

A leaving the country party

Friends garden BBQ party

Ive been embarrased by people a couple of times, not that they mean to embarras me I think - but I got embarrased by them saying things like "I bet you could do with a beer now" and I wasnt sure how to respond - so many people dont even know me well enough to know i stopped you see.  Telling them - well its non of their business anyway my health isnt.

Lifes good without beer - it was also good with beer but we cant do that anymore - no great loss.  Refreshing to come home from a party or event and just "stick the kettle on" and make a coffee and talk about the do.

Lifes good - I just hope it lasts.

 

ML and emma,
I think that if your guys have put in the time and effort to kick alcohol, you need to be taking much of the credit. Without your shoulder(s) to lean on, this might have been impossible for them to do it alone.

Thanks for the pep talk Connie.

I think the blue ribbon goes to Emma's hubby...as every single day he is that bar and abstaining!!!!! He has been put to a very difficult test...and continued to be put to that test daily!

Hats off to "dougie."

We'll just see how Mike does. Praying real hard!!!

And I have decided to follow Connie's advice. I'm find with one drink...but don't need to have a glass to wine. I'll cool it for now!

Carol

Thank you all for your well wishes.

Complacency---Connie I agree with your warning about this. I know that I haven't gotten there...probably never will. A day does not go by that I don't thank God for how this journey has been going. I know that it could have easily gone the other way. I am always mindful of the posts I have read on this forum. And that liver disease is individual and can turn at any time.

I am still a nervous nellie. I just have it a bit more under control and don't go on about it as I use to. There are times when life feels safe and "normal" and even a few moments from time to time when I forget that husband has cirrhosis, but those moments don't last long. But, we do have a new normal. And it is good.

I am always watchful. I don't harp on him about lifting the toilet seat, or flushing in the night as I use to...because I want to see and note the color of his urine. When I ask him to give me a naked model before bedtime, it is under the guise of romance (and it is), but it is also to have a look at his belly and ankles to looks for signs of edema and ascites or any bruising. If he cuts himself, I watch to see how quickly the bleeding stops. If he If he takes a nap I try to recall if we were up extra late the night before, or is it "liver fatigue". I pop into the bar unannounced, just to give him a kiss...and to check if he decided to sample the wares. I am always looking for ways to add more veggies to our diet and I make more things from scratch than I ever use to, and we have always been big foodies. We check weight and blood pressure weekly. (This is a reduction from every other day.)

He attends weekly group meetings and meets with his counselor individually about every 6 weeks or so now...it was more frequently, but he is cutting back a bit. She is also the leader of the group, so he sees her every week. I am hoping that he keeps attending the group for...ever? Take it one day at a time.

Emma

Mr E-

I would make mental lists of the various events that we would be attending...and think about the alcohol issue too.  Now we tote our own beverages wherever we go.  We choose now to only socialize with closer friends, so they know husband's health issues.  And us drinking soda/juice instead of whatever is no big deal.  At a couple of parties we had to hide our soft drinks...because the kids were drinking them!  And I didn't want hubby to run out!

If anyone asks, husband just says no more drinking, doctor's orders!  And that stops any discussion about why he isn't drinking.  You can use this line too...even though you haven't been to the doctor...yet.

Congrats on your many months of sobriety.

Emma

Emma if I said "doctors orders" to my mates - they wouldnt stop mithering me until I told them how I am (half asleep, red hands, spiders etc) (doctor told me to stop about 5 years ago - I thought she meant stop for a while and see how my stomach problem worked itself out) actually she may have meant that (stop for a while) - we werent looking at my liver at the time - something else. Too late to go over though now - I will never know.

I tend to say things like the kids are too much hard work hungover, or that I will drink again when they are grown up and im 70.

The problem with this is they (sometimes - when it suits) think its very commendable of me to stop - whilst of course I know otherwise. Dam it.

Soda and Juice is your tipple - I like orange but its a bit pricey on a night out having little bottles of the fresh stuff. So I go for coke a cola.

I bet you are in a similar boat pricewise - I can spend only $5 your money on a whole night out with the lads - they spend about $40 :)

Naturally there are big savings for anyone giving up due to not boozing at home aswell.

Where did all the money go though? Any idea? :)

Vacations and parties are definitely the hardest part for me. I have a wedding next weekend and actually was thinking about skipping it as I usually drink eat drink dance drink and have a great time. Then I thought I am still going to do all those things but drink. I'm sure it will be very difficult and maybe I won't dance as much but hey life isn't over. Let's try to enjoy it while we're here and healthy.