Took a step away, but now I am back

Hi everyone. I hope everyone is doing ok, or as well to be expected. I had to take a break from here for a while, I got so caught up in liver disease that it became my life. I was living, eating, sleeping, drinking it so to speak. Of course my life is all about it with my mother in law, but I got too emotionally involved with everyone else's stories too.

Since I was last on, we took a good family day and went to a local amusement park, the kids went back to school and I got sick with pneumonia. I think I just got so tired it wore me down.

Anna has been with Hospice going on 2 months now, and I love it. I feel much safer knowing they are here for us. Her health is declining really bad. As sadwife described her husband, that is now Anna. They have on her on O2 at all times now, she is having trouble breathing, says it hurts and feels like someone is standing on her chest. She has that gurgling sound often too. Her feet have the mottled color to them now as well. The nurse told me today, that this is the beginning of the end, it could be days, weeks, or months, but no more than a couple.

Just an update

Natalie

Thanks Connie, I am coping as good as possible and trying to take care of everyone, although I am still weak. One day at a time, for all of us right now

Natalie,

I too am glad Hospice is there for you. And you are right, it is a relief to know they are coming and that they are available if we need them for anything. I was surprised at how much stress it seemed to lift off of me once the nurse and I talked. We now have the hospital bed in place and ready to use when he is no longer able to get in and out of our bed. That too is a relief.

I pray your MIL has a peacful passing and that you will have strength to get through it all. My thoughts and prayers are with you.........

Hi everyone. Yes, Hospice is wonderful and sadwife , you are right, it relieves so much stress almost instantly. We are really having a rough time with accepting all the news being thrown at us. Her nurse said today, all of her problems, of course is disease progression and it will do nothing but get worse. Her vitals were good today, but she is still sleeping most the time. The nurse is going to start coming twice a week to do her checkups and keep an eye out so we know when to get the kids out of here. She said she will come more if needed. I really love this nurse. She is so kind and understanding. She knows what to say to make you feel good about what you are doing and why. It is so much relief. She loves her hospital bed, she likes being able to sleep raised up because it helps with her breathing.

We got some really good news today, we are about 99% sure we are able to get a house we are looking at. Anna will have her own room and it is much bigger to accommodate the family, an acre of land for them to run and play on and a playhouse for an escape. So hopefully I will be doing some moving and packing here soon. Anna is really excited about having her own room. A plus is it has a handicap shower in it, brand new! The man we are buying from, Marks co worker, Tom's father passed away and he is settling his estate. He had health problems and had to have it, but passed before being able to enjoy it unfortunately. It will make bathing Anna so much easier though. As you can tell, I am excited, lol. It is a place where we can make our family memories and have room to breath. Our house now is so small.

I hope everyone id doing well. I think of you all often.

Nat

In a way I agree Connie, but she is so excited about it, I almost dont want to disappoint her. The only thing she would have to do in the move, would be to just get in the van and go. We still try to get her out about 1 time a week and drive her around, so hopefully we can make this transition. I know she would love having the room.

I agree about the fresh start, I just dont know how Mark would feel about waiting

I guess my point was that if you move with her and she has her own room, once she passes would the ghost of her still be there? For instance, if you plan to have it as a room for one of the children or a possible nursery one day, would you be able to do it and not think of her demise in that room? But do what feels right to you.

Hugs,
Connie

Connie and Blonde,

I completely understand what you are saying. I have talked to Mark about it and he still wants to move because of how excited she is. We dont close for 30 days and Hospice isnt sure she is going to make it that long anyway. If she doesnt we wont have that to worry about and the way she is going it looks that may be true. She woke up crying with chest pains last night and had been sleeping all day everyday for days. She will wake up every once in a while for a few minutes here and there but thats it.

If she does make til we move, then I guess we will cross that road when we get there. It is hard to really know what is right when it comes to her anymore. I am by no means living in a "dream world" I am trying to be as realistic as I can, but in the end, I have to support my husband as best I can.

Mer, the nurses and the rest of her team are amazing. They know what to say when you need to hear it and how to not only support her, but us too. The main supervisor came yesterday and talked to me about when her dad passed, in her bed! She told me ways she coped with it and how much it actually means to her now, to know she was there for him like that. They can all relate in one way or another, which is good. I know we are not alone in this, and sometimes it feels that way with this disease. People dont care why or how she got it, it is the stigma of liver disease. Her own family treats her and Mark like crap. I dont get it.

Hope everyone is well
Natalie

From what you say, Natalie, I doubt she will make it 30 days, but you just never know.  I understand your supporting your husband and also getting into a place you really like.  Our thoughts will be with you.

Hugs,

Connie

Oh Natalie, I am so sorry.  Prayers for you, your MIL, and your family.  If this is her time, I pray for a peaceful passing.  For all of you.

Emma

The nurse came this morning to put in her cath and told me she is beginning the process of dying. It depends on her willpower how long she lasts. She has prescribed liquid morphine and liquid ativan because she is losing the ability to swallow now. Please continue to pray for us, I will update as I can

Hi Natalie I am very sad for you. Can she not have a morphine driver, we had one for my dad who died very peacefully without any interference from procedures or administration of drugs. This was set up by the hospice at home. You are in my thought[s. mandyalist]*[/list]

Natalie, people close to death often become agitated.  Ask the Hospice nurse if she can get a mild anti-anxiety med, like Atavan.   Mark may also need to tell her that if she's tired she doesn't have to fight--that it's okay to let go.  Some terminal patients need to hear this.

Hugs,

Connie

Natalie,
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
If hospice thinks that it is getting close to her time, you and Mark may want to think about saying good-bye...telling her you love her, etc. When my MIL was dying 15 years ago, cancer, I had a friend give me that same advice. She told me to say whatever I had to say. I took her words to heart. I told my MIL that I loved her, and that I would always love her son and our children. It was hard to do and there were lots of tears, but I have never had any regrets. There have been many times that I have looked back and feel happy that I told her.

Thoughts and prayers.

Emma