Took a step away, but now I am back

I got as much sleep last night as I could. I sleep better when I know Mark is awake and watching her. I slept in til about 9 this morning but didnt really get good sleep til about 5 or 6, before that it was with one eye open.

Her B/P is slowly dropping and her breathing labored. Her resp per minute an hour ago was 7, I am getting ready to go do vitals again. Her hands are getting drawn under and have a bluish tint to them now. I have a feeling it wont be a whole lot longer. Her urine output was at 600 between 10 am yesterday and today. From 10 to now it is less than 100. I know that is to be expected with her drinking less, but I also know they told me to watch it closely. Anything under 400 in 24 hours is a sign of death approaching fastly.

Only in Gods time, but I wish her suffering was over.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I am the one who give the doctor permission to quit working on my dad. I guess watching it drag out for months and then how bad it is now. I worry so much about Mark. He said he is prepared and knows it will be best for her, but when it happens he will fall to pieces and I have to figure out how to put him back together again. That is what I am most scared of, not doing right by him. All I can do is love him and be me.

Updates to come as I have them. Please continue to pray for us.

Natalie

Her urine is almost a red color now, and she is losing a little blood through her bottom as well. I called hospice and they said this is it, it wont be long. Nothing else can be done. The raised her Morphine and said leave her be and to quit checking vitals. It will do nothing but agitate her and drive us crazy because it will vary so much. She is struggling for every breath she takes and shakes the bed. Her eyes are glassy and fixed and she hasnt woke up since early this afternoon and that was only for a second. All her family has came in and we think she is satisfied now. We think she has drifted into a coma because she feels no pain when the nurse asked us to pinch her toes.

Mark is holding up as well as possible and so am I. One minute at a time.

Will be back tomorrow.

Natalie

praying for you all natalie.
xxnatasha.xx

So sorry that she is so ill , I will keep you and your family in my prayers during this very hard time .

Thanks everyone. Havent been on because really not a lot has changed. She is still barely hanging on and her nurse didnt think she would last through yesterday and was very surprised when she came back today. She said there is hardly any oxygen exchange in her lungs and it shouldnt be too much longer. She is very swollen and unless completely knocked out with meds uncomfortable and restless. I will be glad for her sake when this is over.

Natalie