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at home detox - advice please

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Posted 9/13/2011 12:15 PM (GMT 0)
hi everyone,

i posted earlier about my mother (heavy drinker with esld) she has told me today that she is detoxing. The last time she did this (june this year) she ended up in hospital with heavy blood loss and nearly passed. I am extremely worried, she won't see the doctor to help her with this, and told me today she is very cold and isnt hungry. Is there anything i can do to help? she's extremely stubborn, to be honest i'm surprised she told me this today. Should i be worried?

Thank you in advance,
Posted 9/13/2011 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
Fairy Dust,

Welcome to the forum. One of our moderators will be along soon to welcome you and offer good advice.

From my perspective, someone with chronic bleeding episodes, end stage liver disease ,with news from the doc that she might not make it through another episode, AND who has been actively drinking, is in a lot of trouble.

On the site, if you go back and read the stories over time, you will see that those who continue to drink greatly shorten their own lives.

Others, quit drinking (as she may have this time), take their meds, and continue with productive lives. Some get transplants, as my Mike did on May 1st. He has been sober almost a year now and in the fall a year ago, we did not think he would see Christmas! So, cleaning up your act, if done in time, can add time to your life.

I am sorry your Mother is not communicating with the family. That must be terrible for you. With the hepatic encephalopathy that goes along with End Stage Liver Disease, I think it is more that she cannot keep the medicine and appointments organized than that she is intentionally doing so. Mike was all but derranged for months. If we didn't do all his meds and organize his appointments he wouldn't have handled it well. I can tell, even now, when he is having high ammonia level, he starts with the negativity and becomes argumentative. If I listened to his nonsense, we'd get nowhere. I put on my caregiver hat and ignore it!

My best to you. Keep coming and explore the site. There is a lot of good information. Bring yourself up to speed on liver disease and it will help you see the stages your mother is going through.

Hugs,

Mama Lama from Florida
Posted 9/13/2011 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
hi, fairy dust, sorry to hear you are going through this with your mum. when you say home detox, do you mean she has tablets to help her come off the alcohol or that she is going cold turkey?. my husband was told that can be quite dangerous and ought to have some medical proffessional overseeing any detox. there are those here that will be able to offer you lots of advice and support. i am no expert but will try to help where i can. i have learnt so much since joining here.
xxnatasha.xx
Posted 9/13/2011 3:59 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Fairydust,

Welcome to HW!  Sorry you find yourself here.  As you can already see, you'll find a lot of support here from others who have been where you are so you are definitely not alone.  I'd be honest with her and let her know you want to help her through this.  Maybe this time she would like some support and that's why she reached out and told you?  Maybe she'd be willing to try Ensure shakes or some other type of drinkable meal?

Posted 9/13/2011 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
Fairydust, it is dangerous for an alcoholic to detox cold turkey. Those who do it at home are generally given a mild tranquilizer to prevent DTs and other side effects of withdrawal. Since she won't go to a doctor, she can't get a prescription. You need to keep a close eye on her in case she starts to crash like she did previously. Dany also had a good idea about trying to get her to drink Ensure or another type of liquid meal that will ensure she is getting the nutrients she needs.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 9/15/2011 8:23 AM (GMT 0)
thank you for your helpful replies. Means a lot.

She is going cold turkey, she won't speak to the doctor at all. She lies and says she has everything she needs and doesnt need any help. (she won't ever go to the doctors or attend any of her appointments) the only time she will go to hospital is when her esophageal varices are bleeding, and even then she leaves it so long before going in, that she gets resuscitated and has several blood transfusions. she can be a very difficult person to deal with. she will also send ambulances away if you call one for her.

She told me that she was going cold turkey because she wants everyone to leave her alone, she sits in a dark room and shouts and goes mad if anyone goes near her. She has also admitted that she will eat on the day of a hospital appointment so they are unable to do her examination. (that's if we are aware of her appointment and physically take her there) other than that she will hide all her letters and medicine and deny she has to take stuff. The doctors will not tell us anything due to her confidentiality so it's difficult to help her. She's been a alcoholic for 15 years and is very deceitful.

However these last couple of days she seems to be fine, she has been sober and is doing quite well. Am i naive to think she hasn't had a drink and is coping well on her own during her detox? Last time she did this (in june) she was very ill and jaundiced for 3 days before she was rushed to hospital and almost died as she lost so much blood. She had to have 7 varices banded and over 7 litres of fluid drained from her stomach, but she still looked huge and hasn't been back since.

sorry if i'm rambling a bit, i thought it would be best to let you know what she is really like.

Many thanks for all your help
Posted 9/15/2011 12:37 PM (GMT 0)
Fairy dust , As a non practicing alcoholic with liver disease and it's safe to say that this wont end good for you or your mom . The best thing you could do is prepare for the worse now . Have you asked yourself what will become of your sibling ? Does mom have a Will ? Does she have a living Will ? Some sort of health care facility ( Nursing home or in-house care ) may be needed at some point . Cover every available base you can while she's alive to make the path ahead a little less stressful if possible . Do the one thing that you may have control over , Be prepared . She may be difficult now but trying to get info from a dead person is much harder . I understand your desire to get mom back but until she really quits the alcohol and deals with the real issues , you are fighting a losing battle .
Be prepared to let go if needed otherwise you will get taken down with her . You know , She has a fighting chance to dig herself outta this whole , Problem is she doesn't . If you placed yourself at the bottom of the pit she's in you might attempt to claw your way out , She on the other hand has given up obviously . Alcohol takes that fight away , It brings her comfort in a very bad way . She is enslaved by the very thing she thinks is helping her . No medical advice will help her until she , Not you , Starts thinking clearly . Don't misconstrue my bluntness for lack of concern . I have been where she's at and the facts are she may not survive even if she wakes up from this alcohol induced hell tomorrow . Sad , She may never know if she even has a fighting chance .


A. Ziffle
Posted 9/15/2011 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
Excellent post Mr. Ziffle! You hit it on the head. C
Posted 9/15/2011 7:40 PM (GMT 0)

Fairydust, I have to agree with Mr. Ziffle.  She may not be having such bad symptoms now since her varices were banded.  However, even if she is sober now, it's not going to last.  How can it?  She's not doing anything about the underlying problems that cause her to drink in the first place.  Not getting medical intervention is like putting nails in her coffin.  This is what she has chosen and you cannot do a thing about it.  So do what you can:  Find out what her wishes are regarding a Living Will, DNR, etc.  Get all these legalities taken care of while she can still talk.  Most important, take care of yourself in all this.  Let go.  Try not to get caught up in the drama.

If you need to vent or need support from others in your position, be sure to check out the Caregivers thread.

Hugs,

Connie

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