Caregivers Caring Thread-Renewed=#5

Natasha,

You may want to check around at some of the children's hospitals, etc so see if there is a Child Life Specialist that can work with him to help him understand. Child Life Specialists work with kids to help them cope in situations such as this!

I am in school right now, trying to get a BS degree in Child Life and Family Services, with the ultimate goal of being a Child Life Specialist. What got me started on this path was that I specifically asked at our transplant center if there were any Child Life staff that could help me explain to our son, who was REALLY young when hubby was evaluated and they did not, even though they are a VERY large hospital!!!

His autism will certainly be a bit of a challenge to explain all this to, as children coping with austism do think in black and white, and don't always understand there is a "grey". I would do some checking into that, hoping this helps!!! Hope your visit is not too stressful!

Mer

thank you mer, my son has two key workers that we use, one for school and one for home on the odd occassion. we see her around once every two months but so far the only thing they have been able to come up with is that i attend parenting classes for parents of children with autism, these are only held in the evening though so i cannot attend! i have asked about other resources to help all the children through this but they can only offer grief counselling for after the death of a parent. same old story here, lack of funds not enough specialists, waiting lists that go on forever!!. thank you for the advice though, maybe as you learn, you can pass on some tips to me!!.
thanks for the good vibes connie, heres hoping it works. hes back tonight.
xxnatasha.xx

hi emma, thank you for thinking of me. yes, hubby returned last night.
unfortunatly it was not a very nice evening. he managed to pick a fight within the first hour of him being in and upset my eldest. he went to sleep on the sofa shortly after that. when we woke this morning he was in the garden, well, in the dog kennel to be precise, he had a stash of beer in there. my worst fears were confirmed. i threw the remainder of the beer in the bin, took the kids to school, did the shopping, came back,,, more beer. i threw that away. went to the local shops told them he had no intention of paying them for the beer and not to give him anymore.
he slept from 4pm to 6.30pm. i came out of the shower to find him standing in my hallway, soaking wet with urine, told him to clean himself and the floor up and he denied that anything was happening. bearing in mind, i was watching him wet himself.
he had a good few weeks sober. enough to have seen through clear eyes what the world could be, what his life could be if only he stayed sober. why oh why would he choose to become this living dead horrid person when he could have so much more??? i feel, sick, angry, hurt, guilty, all these different emotions and i applaud those of you that stuck by your loved ones to the bitter end because i cannot do it. again, i am sorry to those of you who would give anything to have your loved ones back under any circumstances but i cannot accept this choice he has made, i sure cannot understand it and i definatly will not support it while he is upsetting our children so much.
i am making some calls first thing in the morning to try and get some sort of help with this as i do not know which way to turn. sorry for rambling, you guys are so great.
xxnatasha.xx

mr e, thats not the strangest place i have found hidden booze but i truly hoped that he may of realised now what this is doing. i was wrong. so far i have made a few inquiries but as we are married he has a right to property and untill he beats one of us or sets the house alight i have no way of removing him. i guess its going to be a long week. i will make calls tomorrow but i doubt there is much anyone can do.
i will speak with his g.p also and see if there is a point that they will admit him. who knows. i just feel like im doing something by finding out what i can, even if no one can help.
just now he told me the automatic air freshener i have is his mother, (she passed 10 years ago). he seems to think she is putting money in the meter due to the sound it makes. (the old electric coin meters)!.
he also keeps telling the children to eat their breakfast and they are all in bed.
i am going to my room to read before i go crazy.
tomorrow is another day.
xxnatasha.xx

Natasha..

  I know it feels like crazyland.....Please don't feel bad about having him removed if you can find a way to do it.  You nor the children should have to be subjected this...it's hard enough to bear if he were not drinking, it would be impossible for me to put up with if they are still drinking.

  We are thinking of you and send you strength and courage to find a workable solution.   

  Angie1953

hi all, thank you all for your kind words and advice.
hubby seems to be on planet earth today?!. a little vague at times but none of yesterdays nonsense. i have spent all morning making calls and it seems untill he needs to be hospitalised (emergency) there is not a thing anyone will do. i tried to find out about connies suggestion regarding the court order for forced admission to a centre but they wont do that here, he has to committed under the mental health act first and as they cannot distinguish between his usual mental health problems and the h.e. they wont proceed down that road!. there is no other family that will take him so i guess im going to have to deal with him untill sunday.
i have glimpsed about an hour today of hubby how he used to be. these appearances are getting further apart these days. makes me sad, for my kids. how does someone put three beautiful children on the earth and then quite willingly cause them so much upset? i cant understand.
tried to get hubby an appointment with g.p. but they have nothing for two weeks!!! they probably wont do anything anyway. if he has anymore crazy turns like last night i might chance my luck and take him straight to the hospital. oh what a mess is all is. ggrrr.

hope everyone else getting through as best they can. thoughts and prayers for you all.
xxnatasha.xx

Natasha,

I am so sorry for you and your kids....I know this is hard on you and you are doing the right thing by making your kids your priority. I hope you can hang in there til Sunday! I'll be praying for you!

 

natasha-thinking about you today.

sadwife-been thinking about you and hope you are holding up.

thinking about elle today too.

and everyone else that is struggling with liver disease...as patient or caregiver.

and all those that have lost loved ones.

makes me humble with the issues with my husband. very small compared to these.

best to you all.

emma

thank you emma, you are such a lovely person. however small or large the problems are with our loved ones, they still had to be dealt with and have an impact on our lives, thats what brought us here. i am truly grateful i found this site and all you guys, you have all helped me more than words can say and emma you truly are a wonderful person and every night when i pray for you all here, i thank god for my new virtual friends for without you all i really dont know where i would be now.

thoughts to every single one of you and prayers for making it through all of your troubles no matter the size.
xxnatasha.xx

SW, you make a very good point about filling the time once a loved one has passed on, after spending so much time as a caregiver focusing on that person.  Your life completely changes and it takes some time to adjust to that.

Hugs to all,

Connie

There is actually a lot to do once they've moved on....more than I realized. Most of my "time" as been spent just getting things in order, giving some things away to special people, filing paperwork, and of course back to work full time. I did drop out of school this semester because I just can't seem to focus. I read somewhere that when people are going through bereavement they lose 20% of their brain power. I believe it! I threw my scissors in the trash can, and when I was walking to my car (with a co-worker) I went to the passenger side (I was driving). And don't even realize I'm doing it....I'm lucky because my boss is very supportive and I have asked her to watch me so I don't make any "huge" mistakes at work.  I actually work in the finance dept so you can see where that could be a nightmare! :) When I get a little more time in the upcoming weeks, I'm still going to log on and post something about his final days and hours. I really think it would help others..and I think it would help me too....There's a lot but I'll try to keep it condensed and short for the sake of the site, and the reading time involved.

Hope you are all having a good week!

Love you all!

Natasha
Thinking of you today. Hope the visit stays on this planet and the kids can glimpse the person he was so they will have some of those memories. I so admire you for having strength to go through this with children. I can't imagine how hard that would be. Am lighting a calmness candle tonight for you and your family. Smells of pumpkin and spice. Mmmmm. Best to you
Angie1953

Natasha, does hubby go back to his sister's today? Has he continued to drink?

Hope you are doing well.

Emma, I'm thinking of you, also.

Hugs,
Connie