Krista,
I think you have put into words what many people feel when they have lost a loved one. They can go through the motions of their lives, feeding the kids, putting the trash to the curb, going to the market, but the feelings side of loss can be hard.
After a close friend lost her husband, she felt like she was silently screaming every single minute as she went about her days.
You described your feelings so clearly:
“I am just so scared and alone and everyday I am getting a bit worse and don't actually know how to pull myself out of it.”
My sister lost her partner to colon cancer in February 2010. She is still in the first stages of her grief even though it has been over a year and a half. She has gone to a counselor who tells her depression is a pretty typical side of grief. The counselor recommended some talk sessions and antidepressants to help my sister get through her grief.
Grieving is an individual thing, each person takes their own time in redefining their lives. With the children to care for, you know you have to keep it together. But when you feel you don’t know how to pull yourself out, then it is time to ask for help. I hope you are felling stronger soon.
Please post again soon. Hugs, Carol