Caregivers Sharing Thread # 13

You will be okay, Alisa. So will your nephew, with your love and care. Not so sure about your brother, but it's his decision.

Hugs,
Connie

Well I made it through my first day after everyone has gone home and back to work. I spent the entire day changing the beneficiary on my life insurance and settled my account with the funeral home. I mowed the lawn later this afternoon, now I'm too tired to do anything else. I've got to get started on thank you cards, but will wait until this weekend to get help from my daughter.

A couple of years ago, Janie moved into another bedroom so she could stay warm, as she was always freezing and I am hot natured. Out of habit I got up this morning and went to her bedroom as I have been doing for the past several years. I would always check on her during the night if I happened to wake up, and always the first thing in the morning, just to make sure she was still breathing. Only after walking in half asleep, did I realize she would never be there again......I miss her so much already

 

Charlie,

I am glad that you have made it through the first day with everyone gone home, and that your daughter will be there to help you with thank yous.

I have been watching my dad redefine his life since my mom passed (liver and kidney failure due to treatment for nectrotic pancreatitis) in early April. He tries to have something to do every day. At first he cleaned each room in the house. He works in the yard. He chuckles that he goes to the grocery store each day, maybe to only buy one potato for the evening meal. He golfs once a week. Dougie and I have him to dinner every Sunday. I try to stop by his house once a week after work to have a cup of coffee.  My brother that lives locally stops by one night a week to, to watch a ball game or share a beer together.  Both my brothers and I try to be sure that we call him several times during the week.  I have also found it important to ask him if he is getting enough time with us...the phone calls and visits...checking if he needs more or if we are smothering him.  He takes care of all my mom's plants, she had a wonderful green thumb. He keeps filling her hummingbird feeders...she loved those little birds. I have encouraged him to get out and walk, that the exercise is good, relieves stress. Plus I think it is good for him to get outside everyday, and to see people out and about. So, he walks every morning except for the days that he is golfing.

He has done the bank account changes, insurance changes. He had to learn how to pay bills, balance the check book, since Mom did all that.  He had the very tough task of going through all the insurance paper work and doctor/hospital bills from my mom's lengthly illness, hospitalization and surgeries.  Next week I will start to help him with filing his 2011 taxes, since Mom always did that, and he had filed an extension. He still hasn't gone through her clothes, although he did launder everything. I told him whenever he is ready, if he would like my help, I will be there. He hasn't gone through her other things either...other than giving me her wedding band.

It must be such an adjustment to get use to the new reality of your loved one not being there. My folks were married for 55 years. Mom was suppose to come home from the hospital...and Dad was gearing up for caring for her. Sadly, that was not to be.  Total paradigm shift. 

Keep strong. Lean on your family. Post here often and let us know how you are doing.

Thinking about you tonight.

Emma

Post Edited (healthynow) : 8/22/2012 10:00:13 PM (GMT-6)

Unfortunately, this is not my first time to go through this ordeal, as I lost my first wife to cancer years before I met and fell in love with Janie. Having traveled this journey before I believe I am able to cope with Janie's loss a little better. I know that both are in a better place and are no longer suffering. With my first wife I had to make the decision to stop life support, with Janie I had to tell the medical staff to stop CPR, as it was to no avail. I can rest easier knowing that both had directives to physicians to stop life support if the situation was hopeless.

If you don't have a living will or directive to physicians, please consider doing this as you never know when it might be too late.

I am staying busy with plenty of chores to do around the house to keep me occupied. I will be 68 yrs old in a few days and have no desire to go back to work. I just trust in God to help me get through this time in my life. I know that with time my grief will get a little better, but it will never go away completely...........

Charlie

This caregiver doesn't have much to say today other than that the outer bands of this Storm that Continues Forever have been pounding my area for hours. I think we have had a thunder storm now for 5 hours with one tiny break.


The pond behind my house is creeping up and up and up. A few years ago it came to the patio edge but not up to the house. It is a good bit away from the patio yet, but... And I just had word from our neighborhood manager that the ponds are backing into the streets....so it will be 3 days before we can get out of here. They dropped the weir on the closest canal, but only so much water can drain into the estuary an hour...like a teacup emptying through a tiny hole in the bottom!



I keep peeking out. Scarey. The water at the garage door to the side yard has a brick pad and a metal sill. There are about 3 inches from the pad to the top of the sill...one more inch and the water gets into the garage.



Mike isn't having a good week...on the couch, leg cramps, sleeping on and off, wretching after eating, and only eating ensure or fruit. Don't like this very much...but he did bloods this morning in the middle of the storm and so we'll see if there is something awful by Wednesday or Thursday. I am encouraging him to drink as his Creatinine was 1.71 this week. They won't start his Hep C treatment with Creatinine over 1.5. He is feeling discouraged, as am I.



Carol

Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 8/27/2012 8:42:17 PM (GMT-6)

Mama Lama,
Wish you didn't have that darn weather right out your door. I can relate to the feelings of being discouraged. I am also. I thought hubby's friend's talk might change things....but no....a week later he is back to just sleeping all the time and expecting me to wait on him for things I now know he could do. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he gets mad and says, "well, I'll just leave and get a job." I say OK, and he goes back to bed and does nothing but sleep.

Nothing gets solved....he does nothing, not even the simple things I know he can do. I have called his sisters and asked them to take him for a month or so, but they are 1200 miles away and I haven't heard back in a week. I need to go back to work fulltime, but it's hard to imagine with him doing so little at home (read: Nothing) For about a week, he was a least bathing himself...getting himself something to eat...Now Back to nothing but sleeping. :(
I really miss having a partner!!

Any suggestions? Those of you with ESLD, is it possible that one can sleep 23 hours and still be too tired to do anything (like brush cats, do dishes, make a sandwich, etc). Am I just being manipulated into doing everything? Can he be this sick?

Sorry ...it's just been a hard day, I guess. But no water at my door, so I am grateful for that.
Angie1953

I agree with Carol. But I think you need to ask him to do small things--or tell him. Because I live alone and nobody else is going to do anything for me, I am basically forced to do laundry, meals, dishes, take out garbage, etc. I set the alarm to get up and get things done. My housekeeping standards I've had to lower. I do have a cleaning gal come in once a month for a couple of hours to do the vacuuming of wall-to-wall carpeting and thoroughly clean the bathroom. I pay a little extra for additional things I need her to do occasionally.

Carol, that's very worrisome about Mike. Does it seem like he has given up or that he's depressed? When does he go back to Jackson for f/u? Tell him through all the difficulties I've had since transplant, that he has been my inspiration and to please not crap out on me now!!

We are supposed to have more heavy rain here during the night. Fortunately, my newly adopted cat does not have HCV or feline AIDS.

Hugs,
Connie

ML,
It's tough, coming so far and now a setback. That stinks. Hep C never seems to be far off. Now if Mike can just get well enough to do the treatment. A new liver makes it easier.

Well I made it for a week after Janie's funeral without cracking up, although I have been having trouble sleeping as I have been staying awake until 1 or 2 in the morning, and then waking up at 5:30 or 6. I went to my doctor yesterday, explained my problems, and was given 14 days (physician samples) of a sleeping aid. Last night I slept really well and didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning when my phone dinged with my grand daughter sending me a text. She is in her second year of nursing school and is taking it harder than any of us. She was extremely close to Janie and said she broke down her first day in class yesterday listening to a lecture regarding medical issues her "Mamo" just went through.

I gave most of Janie's clothes to her sister, who just happens to be her size. She is the care-giver of her husband who is partially paralyzed from a stroke and they only have their SS income. Janie was an avid shopper before she got sick and had a lot of quality clothing.  I know she would have wanted a family member to have them rather than donate or sell them at a garage sale.

If I didn't have our four legged doggies to keep me company I don't know what I would do, as it is really lonely without her. I know it will get better with time, but darn it sure is hard as everything I see around the house reminds me of her.

Well gotta go for now as I have  a lot on my plate today. I hope everyone affected by the storm makes it through okay.

May God bless each of you...........

My heart goes outto both of you. This time just after a loss is horrible. My sis lost her partner to colon cancer 2 years ago and still isn't herself. Fortunately she realized she needed help and reached out for therapy.

She is coming to see us this week

Best to all widows and widowers... You are so brave

Carol

Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 8/28/2012 3:07:44 PM (GMT-6)

I am glad to see you here, Charlie. Thanks for keeping us updated. Please continue to do so, and don't forget to take care of yourself as well.

Hugs,
Connie

It's good to hear your input, Moniesol. Thanks for your input and don't be a stranger.

Hugs,
Connie