Surviving the losses.... One day at a time

Connie, what do you say to a person as precious as you at a time like this... the world will spin.. take a deep breath... don't lose focus of your physical needs sweetie.. remember we are here and those that you have close contact and friendships with... please talk to them.. we love you. my thoughts and prayers are with you.. Sandia

Connie,
So sorry to hear about the loss of your guy. Numb is normal. Will light candles for his memory tonight...Glad you have wonderful memories and pictures.

Will be thinking of you tonight.
Angie1953

Connie,
I am so so sorry to learn of your guys passing. Sending big big and many many hugs to you.
Emma

Dear Connie,
I have found this past year mourning the loss of my mom that the sadness feels like I am wearing a very heavy (maybe even water soaked) cape. It is almost like I can feel my shoulders sagging under the weight of it. You are so right when you have told members that time will heal. As each month has gone by, I have felt the weight of that cape lightening. As time heals you, I hope that you will experience the lightening of your sadness too.
Hugs,
Emma

Connie.. eat a truffle.. and smile... He'd like that...

Sandia

Angie, Mac is being very comforting. And I'm glad I have him during this difficult time.

Hugs,
Connie

David, I made that very clear and the TP surgeon is attempting to find other ways to help me, by referring me to Plastic Surgery and Wound Care Clinic. PS will be on the 30th.

Hugs,
Connie

Glad to see this back thread at the top today. It has been about 3 months ago I lost my husband to ESDL. Thought I was doing pretty well, then this morning I was getting ready for work and a song came on the radio....

and wham... the loss of my husband jumped up from deep inside and slammed by heart against a wall. It was hard to get to work and was weepy all the way there. Then a really hard day at work..had to call 911 and deal with incident reports all day. Was looking forward to getting home...kind of hesitant to turn on the radio. Just felt like a hard day...Then I read what the caregivers are going through here ...and those with ESLD and feel like my problems are small. Painful...but small. Take care all. My heart just hurts for the man I married and today I feel like I can't reach back and remember who he was before he was ill...and that hurts.

I feel like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland and want to go down the rabbit hole and pull it in after me. I know it's temporary, .....and I'll feel better tomorrow. Take care all. I am going to light some candles.
Angie1953

Yesterday must have just been "one of those days". I had missed a call from my son the previous evening and got the message yesterday, he was crying, "Mom, answer the phone.... It just hit me that Dad is not coming home....." I felt it hit me again like a frieght train. It has been 10 months and I was back on the floor in the fetal position. Feeling guilty for not hearing the phone, and knowing exactly what he was going through. It just all came flooding back. Took most of the day to recover.

Even last night I was a bit weepy and touchy over stupid things, but I knew where it was coming from. I spoke with my son a few times during the day, and he was better. He didn't live with us, hadn't for several years, so he hasn't really had to deal with it on a day to day basis. I am not surprised he is feeling this way now, thinking about the times we get together to go up to camp this time of year.....

Keep the candles going. Thinking of all of you...

Marie

Sandia and Marie,
Can't image how hard it would be to console young adults when you are grieving yourself. Thinking of you both. Today I'm doing a little better, but our wedding was on Mother's Day, so I need a plan for tomorrow. My Mom was supposed to be back from AZ, but the weather held her up until next week, so will be going the day alone.
Don't know if it's best to watch wedding video of our Circus wedding and watch my hubby ride down the aisle on his elephant, or do something totally different. Does make me smile to think of the memory of him riding in and down the aisle and jumping off the elephant at the alter. :) (Did I mention he was quite a character?)
What have others of you done on wedding anniversary...and how did it go? Some feedback and other's experiences would be good here. Thanks
Angie1953

Sandia and Marie,
It has been just over a year since my mom passed. Mother's Day was easier this year than last. I did find myself in a very angry mood on Saturday. My husband was asking me what my problem was, and then it dawned on me that I am still very angry that my mom is gone. Last night I had a very late night text from my younger brother...talking about a time probably over 20 years ago when he took mom to see Frank Sinatra...and how much she loved the show...how much he misses her. I am sure he had the Mother's Day blues too.

My heart has felt so heavy losing my mom. But it is the natural order of things. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to lose your spouse/partner.

Hugs to you.

Emma

Just feel like complaining today, I guess. 23 year old son is having a tough time and doing some distructive things. He is bi-polar and not taking his meds, self medicating and making lousy choices. None of which I can do anything about, but I have a low back ache that I am sure is stress related.

Supposed to take a 3 hour drive up to camp tonight. Uggh. How to ruin a perfectly good weekend. Part of the stress is coming up on a year. Its only weeks away, and I am just not ready. My plan (yes, plan, I can hear God laughing at that ) was to disperse the cremains on the anniversary the way he wanted me to. He didn't say when, though. I thought I would be ready at a year. Now I am not so sure.  How can it possibly be a year anyway? Did n't this just all happen the other day?

Just when you think you are gaining a little ground, it comes crashing in again.

Okay, I'm done now  

Marie,
Sorry things feel tough right now. If you don't want to take the 3 hour drive to camp, just call and cancel and say you aren't feeling "up to it". That covers alot and it's not a fib.

Just because a year is almost over, doesn't mean you have to go back to doing what everyone else wants/needs. Look after you. Maybe you need more time healing from the caregiving....giving...giving...giving. Hard to quit that habit, if you have been doing it for a long time...even if was out of love.

If you are dreading a 3 hour drive, back out and do what you want to do, even if it's staying in bed all weekend, or working in the garden, or watching birds. You really don't owe an explaination.

I find that I rarely want to be around people yet. 7 hours of people at work is about all I can handle. I don't think time (one year coming up) has anything to do with when you are ready. Hope you do what YOU want to do.
Take care
Angie1953