Surviving the losses.... One day at a time

Well I went up to camp. I am glad I did. Son managed to get a grip on himself and I did not hear from him other than a text that everything was fine from him and from his room-mate. Miraculously my backache subsided after that.

Feel a little more settled about the anniversary, but who knows, some days you are fine and then - bam - back to the pit. But I think I have cobbled together a plan that will work for me and the kids, and do what he wanted. I think I will be a little relieved that it is done, but I have decided to keep back part of the remains in the bottle where I have put some of him. It is a clear bottle that is the torso of a woman that we got in Amsterdam a few years ago. I have it up on a beam that makes up a truss in the cabin and it overlooks the mountains. His picture is next to it, and I feel like it belongs there for now. For as long as I have the place, anyway.

The rest we will disperse on July 6th. There will have to be a few people around for that, but I am keeping it as small as I can, and then we will have a gathering back at the cabin for everyone who wants to be there. I think it will be one of those days that you have to go through and in the end it is not nearly as hard as you thought it would be. The anticipation is worse.

Hope you all are doing okay, in your various challenges and triumphs. I can't tell you what it means to me to have this place to come and spill my heart sometimes. I think of you all, every day.

Love,

Marie

Take the time you need. I am finding now, at almost a year, I need more time. I have never been one to call in sick to work. But now I have to take a "mental health" day once in a while and stop the world for a little bit. I have been marching forward as best I can, but it takes it's toll and I am more tired than anything else.

Connie, I do feel his is there in spirit. I am always so sad to leave... hope you are doing okay with your recuperation and with your recent loss. (( )) here are some of your hugs back.

Marie