Hubby Update, Nearing the End I Fear

CreativeSoul,

  Thinking of you this morning after reading about your husband passing.  So so sorry things were so difficult and hope you have a peaceful day today knowing that he is on his way to the next phase of his journey, and that he is out of pain.

  Hope you and you daughter can find comfort today.   Breath deep often...it really does help to just sit and take deep breaths often.  Don't look back at the should'a, could'a, would'a s.  There is no textbook or lessons on how to travel this path and it seems like everyone's journey to the next world (whatever one believes that to be) is different.

  I am lighting candles at work today for you and your family.  They are to help light your way through these hard times.  Will be sending you thoughts of support today.

Angie1953

Dear Creative Soul,
Each time I read of another passing from this disease, I weep. My heart hurts for your pain and loss. Be well, take care of you during this difficult time. themiz

CS, I also want to add my condolences for your loss. We are here, as "virtual listeners." We are the folks who know first and second hand how difficult liver disease can be, a killer for sure, that breaks your heart along the way. I'm glad you have family with you. And that hubby's struggle is over. Hugs, Carol

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, and candle lightings! I really appreciate all your support. It's been two and a half days since my husbands passing. I feel like I'm in a fog. Everything seems unreal. Just stating that he has passed seems unreal. The first day I spent with my daughter and her kids. It was a nice distraction, but I tired easily and needed to spend some time alone to try and process and gain my energy back.

Last night was the first night alone in my house. It was difficult and I had a hard time falling asleep. Today I was alone all day, by choice, and did some bill paying, picking up the house and organizing.

Because the last two weeks were very stressful and time consuming, the master bedroom, where the hospital bed was, was left in a mess. I am slowly picking up, cleaning and re organizing, but in the meantime I'm camping out in the spare bedroom. I think I need a little time before I sleep in our bedroom.

There's a big hole here, in our home and in my heart. And even though I thought many times that I wish the stresses of this horrible disease were over, I now look back and wish I knew then how to live more in the moment and appreciate the time we did have together, even the times that were hard and challenging.

The paradigm of my life has completely changed. It will take awhile to get used to. It will take even longer to want to get used to it. Tomorrow, I'm going to church for the first time in months. Because my husband was so ill, I stayed home with him on Sundays and did not go to church. But now I feel like I need to reconnect with my friends and church. Slow baby steps.

I've started making arrangements for my husbands "Celebration of Life". It's an emotional struggle to do this. It has made me face the fact that this has really happened. I can't really just ignore the fact and hope the reality just goes away. Even small chores seem to take so much energy right now.

Blessings to everyone. May your weekend be peaceful.

CreativeSoul,
Thinking of you this morning and hoping that you are finding peace with what has occurred in your life. I recall how tired...just physically tired I was after my hubby passed away, but still oftentimes couldn't sleep and how the daily chores helped get me through the day. Hope you find what works for you. It took a good month to sleep decently...hope it goes quicker for you.

Baby steps are good. Join us in the "surviving the losses...one day at a time" thread. Perhaps you can let your Creative Soul began to express itself again...paint, write, garden...whatever it is you create. Keep in touch ... and thanks for sharing your life with all of us.
Angie1953