Surviving the Losses...One Day @ a Time, Pt. 2

Oh Angie I'm so glad you can find peace and so nice to have Mom there!

Happy happy days !

Hugs

Connie,
Barbie is a loner. He was raised with a duck lady. Dolly, and fell in love with her in a BIG way. She rejected the male duck, Daffy. Barbie courted her and they paired up for 4 years. He stood at the pond while she swam. But when she was "taken" 2 winters ago, he gave up love...and currently he is the only chicken on my place. I've thought of getting him a lady duck, but am not sure she would like him, and rejection would not be good for such a proud rooster!!
(One of the many stories of the critters of Falcon Peak Farms).
Angie1953

Hello fellow survivors and everyone else who reads this thread. It is now over two months since my husband passed from ESLD. So much has changed. It's funny how the world keeps spinning and how the sun rises every morning when ones mind and heart seems stuck in a far away place, and can't quite grasp that time is moving forward.

I have to admit, when my husband passed, I was in a very dark place. The whole duration and severity of the disease was very stressful, and when the end came I felt traumatized. I had never had blood pressure problems before, but had to be put on blood pressure meds a couple of weeks before he passed away. My husband's last weeks were not easy. The hospice doctor told me it was one of the hardest cases he had ever managed. My husband had built up such a tolerance to pain meds that his end stage symptoms were almost impossible to manage. It was a difficult passing and I felt so helpless that I couldn't help him more with his struggle. All in all, he was such a trooper and I felt so very proud of him, and I told him so.

After his passing, I needed to just get away and try to recover and regroup. I had to return to work for a couple of weeks to wrap some things up, then I took off three weeks. I traveled to England to visit my daughter and her husband and kids. She is married to an Englishman and they live there. Then I flew to Florida to visit my son, his wife and their two kids. It was so nice just to be with family and love on my grand kids. Being with the little ones really helped draw me out of my low place. And I really just needed to rest and have others cater to me for awhile, which they all wanted to do.

I'm back at home, and my major goal right now is to get "me" healthier. I'm eating better, I've started exercising, and I've had a slew of blood tests. They all look within normal ranges, and I've tested negative for Hep C (my husband had that). I was very relieved, as there was plenty of bleeding from falls that I had to deal with and clean. I also had a mammogram which came back normal. Next step is to get the dreaded colonoscopy scheduled. I'm due.

I still pop on here and read the threads. It feels like this disease is still a part of my life. Indeed it is life changing, and the ripples continue to affect how I think, feel and act. I read on here of continuing struggles and victories. It saddens me to hear of other families still struggling to understand this horrible disease and to try and find a way to live with it. Hopefully there will be better drugs soon to deal with the Hep viruses.

This board has brought me hope and strength and I will forever appreciate that. My prayers are with you all. I am slowly rejoining the "real world". I thank God for understanding and supportive friends, family and co-workers. I really am so blessed.
Pam

Pam,

  Thanks so much for the update.  So glad to hear you were able travel, spend time with family, play with grandkids and let others take care of you. 

   So sorry that the last days were so hard on you and your guy, this disease just sucks.  It's been almost 6 months since my hubby passed away and I still am surprised at how everything moves on, sun comes up and world keeps turning.

   I had the same thing happen with high blood pressure and have also been having my health checked and working on taking care of myself.  This next month will get tested for Hep C (my hubby had that).

 

  Really am so thankful to have had this forum as I traveled this path.  Thanks again to all of you who helped support and inform me as I and my hubby struggled with this disease.  Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks.

Angie1953

Widow of Hubby had ESLD, Hep C, Diabetes and passed away Feb 15, 2013.

Alisa, thanks for checking in. It's such a sad burden you carry. But you can be so proud of your nephew and what a fine young man he is, in no small part due to the loving care you've given him, no matter what. You are amazing.

My prayers are with your husband. Is his pain being managed well?

Please do keep us updated when you have the chance.

Hugs,
Connie

Hope your trip to the mountains brought you some comfort Marie :)
Sounds like a nice peaceful place.

Alisa

I think you're an amazing woman, with all you've been through and all you have taken upon yourself first with your brother and with raising your nephew, and now caring for hubby, your selflessness is a true inspiration for others.

I have been meaning to email you but wanted to wait til I was on a real puter rather than this annoying phone. Just wanted to let you know I think of you often especially when I read where someone else thinks they have it really tough as a caregiver.

There's a special place in heaven for folks like you.
Hope hubby has better days coming :)

Hugs

I love all the support on here. It has been two weeks and one day since I lost my 29 year old brother to cirrhosis. I was holding his arm when he took his last breath. It was bittersweet. I was glad he is not suffering anymore, but so so sad that he was gone. I was just really glad that my sister k8t called me and told me I should be there. Two days later he was gone. I was so lucky that he woke up long enough for me to tell him I love him. I got to hear him say "I love you too". I had gotten my hair cut a few weeks before I went to his house and he told me I looked different two days before he died. The hospice nurse didn't think he was going to become responsive, but he proved her wrong. He was so funny, because I tried to leave the house twice. Even though he was unresponsive, he let us know he didn't want me to leave. That makes me feel so grateful that he cared enough that he wanted me there with him. Each day is a struggle to live without him. I think about him all the time. It doesn't help that I work at a video game store, and he loved video games. My other brother posted a video of Chris last night that made me laugh and cry at the same time. Chris was doing the "cinnamon challenge". He always had a distinct funny laugh. Even if the joke wasn't funny, we would always laugh when we heard his. I got to hear that laugh and his voice again last night. I know it will get easier (I lost my dad 5 1/2 years ago), but it is soooo difficult right now. I miss him so much!!!!
Melissa

Thanks, Michelle,

I do know that I have come a long way since last year. I had my first "Good Anniversary".

 Every year for the past several years, a few of us "girls" have gone to Countryfest. Mostly the same few people and we make a weekend of it. Last year I was only a couple of months out, not actually planning to go at all, but it happened to work out so that I could and so I did. There were only 4 of us, but each of the other 3 women had been very close to me through Craigs's illness and the only ones he would allow to help me care for him, especially toward the end, and it was perfect that it was just us. I smiled and laughed and cried that weekend and was just so thankful to have such great friends, who loved me and my husband, and continue to "get it".

So last weekend, we did it again, and it was a sunny music filled day and evening and some great fellowship.

With regards to the book you mentioned, please do not take this the wrong way, but it sounds like a book about healing from a divorce. While I realize that there certainly are some similarities, the last thing I am ever going to read right now is a book about divorce. It is one of those "hot button" topics with us widows of happy marriages. I am sure there are things that might be helpful, but we just have a problem with the comparison. Maybe I will be more open minded later on, but right now, when someone tells me "I know how you feel because my husband left me" it triggers some pretty intense feelings of "you don't get it.... he didn't leave me by choice. And he is not enjoying life across town with someone else. He is GONE. Neither of us wanted this."

That being said, there are some pretty wonderful books out there about healing from grief, and I do read them from time to time. Mostly I have found that this is my own journey, and it is something I will get through in my own way, in my own time. It helps to hear about others experiences, and it normalizes our feelings, but the bottom line is that I will never be the same person I was before. I just have to learn to live with the person I have become.

Peace,

Marie

 

Melissa,

Not having lost such a young brother, I can't speak to that part of your grieving, but I am sure his youth weighs on you. The only similar situation I have experienced is losing my in-laws. I was very close with them. My MIL passed from cancer, which was so hard on the family. My FIL lived 8 years. Even though everyone was closer to MIL, when FIL passed, it was so much harder. I have always thought that part of that was because in addition to grieving for him, we were reliving the loss of MIL.

Hope that might help you, even the tiniest bit.

Remember to be gentle with yourself, grief has no time table.

Hugs,
Emma

Melissa,

My greatest fear and sadness was that I would always picture my husband laying in that despicable hospital bed, too weak to fight with me about climbing out of it. He was always such a strong and beautiful man.

I won't say that I don't ever see him that way now, but I think of him more often the way he was before he got sick. It has taken a long time, though.

Everything you are feeling is normal. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Don't be afraid to reach out for support though, if you are having a tough time coping. Sometimes it helps to know what others have experienced.

Peace,

Marie

No offense intended to any of you great people. I so didn't want to come back here. I just seem unable to get away and stay away.

First and update on my nephew, my gift. He is doing well and has progressed much. Got himself into trouble due to my getting him into Taekwondo. Foot and hand techniques were first and foremost in his learning of all the attributes Martial Arts teach. Good intentions are not always the best intervention.

Still grieving for the loss of my Brother but this has been pushed to the side. An Ilesostomy has been placed on my Husband. A prognosis of 4-6 months given by the surgeon. Chemo has taken it's toll and now this.

I refuse to give up!!!! I refuse to let him. No one knows as with LJ. He was given 6 months and lived 14. The ostomy buys us more battle time. I have assured him I am not ashamed and cheering him on through this battle. My Ounce Of Hope is heavy when weighed.

Trying hard to grasp it all, trying hard not to just go out side and scream. I tried screaming and driving when I had to leave him one late night to come home to tend to the house. Screaming and driving is not an easy task!!!

Holding on while on unstable ground but Grateful and Thankful for each day given with him. I didn't know there was an ostomy topic so here I am again. Knowing I am among many that can help!!!


Many, Many Prayers,
Alisa

Thanks Ziff!!

Life goes on, and it's not always easy but on it is. Don't want to think past today but reality is what it is. Can't stop when hardship comes knocking. Makes me madder and even more determined to fight a battle I may not win but a good fight I will indeed pursue.

What I learn is too little too late. Having to watch others endure what they must and so hard trying to change the things I can't. Acceptance is all that is left. Easier said than done of course. And who knows, Miracles do Happen!!

I am so very Proud of my nephew, my gift. I never ask why but I think now I know possibly the reason he is here with me. Maybe in a few years he will be able to do better with Martial Arts. He too has so much anger to work through.

Maybe basketball , he has asked since Taekwondo has been halted, will teach him it takes more than one to be a team. I just see him throwing someone to the floor when he gets mad though I hope not. We will see.

It's not funny but I can't help but chuckle as I picture this learning event. And then me on the side line when he gets tossed to the floor for fouling another angry boy. Oh My!!! More gray hair.

Thanks Ziff again and hope you are doing well as well as all here!!!

Many, Many Prayers