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Posted 10/30/2013 10:15 PM (GMT 0)
<span style='font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>I am alone in this. Everyone else has given up on her. My best friends have custody of her 2 children. I have been praying for her for a year or so... that is about all I can do because I have learned one can't reason with a severe drug addict and I just can't keep my mouth shut when she lies which is all the time. I can't date anyone since she left on a drug binge starting in January because I feel like I am failing her and the children when I get close to thinking about seeing someone. I was devastated when she turned herself out and moved to another state to be closer to those who seemed to have better access to drugs. That was in February this year. I could not function for the pain for her and the children. I broke when seeing my Dr and he put me on something to help me start to function. It has worked some and gradually, I was able to perform my daily duties.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> <span style='font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>She showed back up 10 days ago, emailing me and telling me how she loves me and wants to see me. I of course love her, in the real sense of the word... so because I know there is no change, I can't bring myself to see her, and I don't want to be used again or enable her. I got a call from my best friend (the one that has the children), that she is in intensive care with apparent kidney and liver failure. She is missing lots of blood and they don't know where it is going etc. I of course had to drive to the hospital to be there for her. I try not to be selfish about it... just wanted to show that she is still loved and be there. <span style='font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>I'm there, she looks terrible, they won't give her any pain medicine because they know about the drug use but she is groggy and talks like she is in lala land. Then it happens, she has a cell phone ring and she struggles to grab it and it is her druggie sister.. making plans to come see her. <span style='font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>I had to leave. The pain is fresh again. There is no official prognosis yet, but it really does not look good. The term Hep C keeps being tossed around. I see I am as helpless in the flesh as I was before. I could not talk to her, just told her I love her and want to be there for her - which she was grateful until the phone call from the druggie sister. I walked off the floor and out to the car. I am now back at work and am a bumbling mess. <span style='font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";'>Thanks for... well, letting me get this much out. Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 11/5/2013 11:36:29 AM (GMT-7)
Posted 10/30/2013 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
sorry to hear about all this.. You seem to have a handle on what is going on. I'm glad you found a place to come. Not sure what else can do but listen.


Sandia
Posted 10/31/2013 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
I wish there was something I could add to what Arneeb said to ease the heartache. As a loved one you can't do much but watch or walk away. Either way it's gonna be unpleasant. Look in the resource section of this forum or use the search function at the top of this page. Not much can or will be done without first tackling her addiction problem. Encephalopathy occurs when the liver can no longer function and toxins like ammonia back up into a person system, This could be the odd behavior she is having or there again it could be from drugs or withdrawls. Let us know if you can verify she has liver disease and possibly whats her plans for treatment.

Ziff
Posted 10/31/2013 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
POP, I am sorry your friend is in this self destructive cycle. You have to be well for you.

Has someone called social services about those children?

Best to you, and to your friend...who has to get clean and want to live...or else.

So sad.

Mama Lama
Posted 10/31/2013 12:21 PM (GMT 0)
PowerOfPain,

You need not be ALONE in this, not with all of us here. Come back and update us.

Hugs,
Posted 11/4/2013 10:11 PM (GMT 0)
I went Sunday morning about 4 a.m. to see her again... can't be there when her family is there. She did tell me they diagnosed her with hepatitis C. They have also discovered 2 heart valves that are damaged and need replaced. She now has stents in for dialysis. I was there for her, not me... this is what I kept telling myself. I sat in the lobby until the aid came and told me she was awake.. that was at about 4:30. I stayed till about 6:20 because she said her mother was due in at 7. There is no change at the core of her personality.. but I can only judge what I see. Yes, social services has been involved. My friend has full custody. I called again and the family answers. Her mother, the biggest drug dealer I know of (we are talking owning a recording company for laundering money - size) answered the phone last and asked who I was. I asked who she was and when I told her who I was, she said "please don't call anymore, she doesn't need people like you in her life." I responded with, "I am probably the best influence she has and YOU are a nut case". Sorry folks, I couldn't hold my tongue. She doesn't look good. I am broken. Thank you for listening and responding.
Posted 11/5/2013 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
Power... deep breaths. It's not going to be easy. You know that. You got to see her. You know the family situation and you know that you are right in setting boundaries around the chaos so it doesn't drag you down into the pits. I'm sorry to hear how hurt this all makes you. It does help to have a place to talk and know that people care. We do. I wish I could help more. I do pray daily for our people on the forum. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Come back. We do care.

Sandia
Posted 11/5/2013 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Power, welcome to the forum. From a former druggie (late 60s), I can tell you that you cannot help her (is this a friend, ex-wife, or what?) nor can her family (enablers/fellow abusers) help. The desire to change has to come from her, with help from detox/treatment center and ongoing support groups or more intensive therapy. She has to be willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean. When I was in ICU from an overdose, my first conscious thought was to get to a phone to have someone bring me drugs. I kicked cold turkey and the hosp. would give me nothing whatsoever...not even an aspirin. Her logical thinking is completely gone right now, as was mine then.

Couple that with her apparent hepatic encephalopathy from her damaged liver/hep C. There is medication for that: Lactulose, sometimes combined with Xifaxan. Ask the charge nurse about these meds for the HE and she can get a doctor's order for it.

If you can see her without getting caught up in the present drama and family issues, okay. But you sound like this is more than you can handle. Otherwise, you would be better off not seeing her, or not seeing her as often. You didn't cause her problems and you can't fix them. Do NOT let her manipulate you in any way.

You might want to check out the Caregivers Sharing thread on this forum, where you will find a listening ear and great support for yourself. As mentioned, there is a wealth of material about liver disease and Hep C in the Hepatitis Resources thread at the top of the page.

I tell it like it is and don't sugar-coat things, so as not to waste anyone's time. So I'm sorry if this seems a bit harsh.

You could do something for me: Show me how to enlarge my font size on here. I can barely read what I post anymore.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 11/5/2013 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Connie, I'm just testing to see if I can change the font. Never tried to do that either.
Posted 11/5/2013 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
Didn't work for me either

Ziff
Posted 11/5/2013 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
As you've seen, I can do it in e-mail, but not here, except post by post...where you see size above you can change the font size.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 11/5/2013 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Connie, Look at mCode Help in the message box above. If you play with those settings I believe you can get it to work.

Ziff
Posted 11/5/2013 9:45 PM (GMT 0)
Testing 123


pretty easy actually
Posted 11/20/2013 8:41 AM (GMT 0)

I didn't intentionally change font size. What I did was copy my post to my word processor for spell checking because I can't spell a lick. When I pasted it back here, it was so small I could barely read it for the small size so I changed the font size in my word processor and pasted it back in here and it was larger.

Update:

If I could bypass feeling sorry for myself I suppose I would be just fine. I don’t want to be selfish, I work hard at absorbing the blows from others without firing back. My best friend... well, somehow got offended at me and I really don't know why. Something about the Skype message I left him asking him for an update if he had one on her. It seems he thought I was nagging him. He flat said I offended him (which I respect so it can be properly taken care of) over the text then said,"I bet you want an update on (her name), well, I can't give you one (he almost looked pleased that he hurt me), (her name) asked that we not tell you anything because she does not need you in her life right now". confused He walked out of my store and I fell apart. It feels like my heart is in a clamp. I didn't get offended, I got destroyed as if I was not heart damaged already. I can't sleep so I started drinking till I pass out. Yeah, I know...

I end up calling my Dr. He sends me to the ER because of the passing of blood clots. It's one of the things my body does when I get stressed. When my 9 year old daughter died I went gray and developed other problems that flair when my heart gets badly wounded. They want me to see the mental health Dr about getting me something for the stress, but I will not.

I finally got a message from her uncle's girlfriend. She left a message on my answering machine that she had heart surgery to replace 2 valves, She had a stroke, paralyzed on the right side, had brain surgery and is on long term dialysis.

To answer one of your questions, I was once engaged to her. I met her in a church meeting. She was professing to be a recovered drug addict and I was proud of her.

I am going to confess, the pain has been so great that I gave in and found comfort in the arms of another... which I know is wrong but...

I have been able to call the girlfriend of the uncle and get updates. The latest is that she is off of life support and says a few things but does not seem to know what is going on. She asks for ice often. She seems somewhat stabilized, but I am told the prognosis is up in the air. She may live/she may yet die.

Thanks again. I have no one else to unload on.

Posted 11/20/2013 12:44 PM (GMT 0)
PoP,

I am very sorry for all your friend and you have gone through. Seems like you can take comfort in knowing that you did all you could and now she is in the hands of a higher power. I hope you find peace in your heart and don't forget that we are here for you whenever you need to unload again.

Hugs,
Mae
Posted 11/20/2013 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry for complaining. I read what I posted and am ashamed I made it about me. My friend has the stress of seeing and assisting her children through this.
Posted 11/20/2013 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
That's what we are here for. The fact that your friend has a heart-wrenching job on her hands doesn't diminish the pain that you yourself experience. So no apologies necessary. Come back often. This is a great site.

Peace,
Mae

Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 11/20/2013 10:15:05 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/20/2013 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Pop, there is no shame in seeking and getting help for your stress when you desperately need it. I am very opposed to antidepressants, but when I was overwhelmed with medical problems I did go to a psychiatric doc at Mayo. (I did not want to, but knew I was in trouble.) He put me on a low daily dose of Celexa and it has lifted that weight from my shoulders, with no side effects at all. In fact, I will see him later this month. It's a much better alternative than alcohol...which, with your other problems, can cause you great damage. And YOU may end up in the hospital.

Ziff, I don't see a message button. I did go into "Help" and got an explanation of how to change the size, but I don't really understand it. I will play with it when I have time and feel up to it.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 11/21/2013 7:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for praying for me. For those who pray, please remember her. I am praying that she comes to know her maker in this life and will choose to be drug free and responsible. I finally sent a skype text to my offended friend and asked if he was still offended, and if he was to please forgive me.

I found I was pretty wrong about having no one. Though I have no family but my son, whom I have custody of, There have been people who know me that have looked at me and could tell something is wrong and I witnessed several people make efforts to console me and/or distract me from pain. One of my customers gave me 2 whole deer which is keeping me busy as I process them myself. He found out I couldn't make the time to hunt. Another customer brought me 5 pints of Apple Pie shine. I have not drank a drop of alcohol since the ER visit, due to the medicine I am taking. I have been on 100 mg of Zoloft a day since Feb this year. I can not sleep. It still feels like my heart is in a vise.

There are some pretty considerate and thoughtful people here as well. Thank you. (spell check skipped this time).
I spent much of the night last night reading other posts and viewing resources in here.

Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 11/21/2013 10:32:43 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/21/2013 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
You definitely should not drink with the Zoloft. Ask your doctor about adding Celexa to Zoloft. It should be more effective.

Also, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, which you definitely don't need, being already depressed.

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 11/22/2013 4:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hang in there. You are not unloading. We are great listeners. Hang in there. Praying for you and her!!

Sandia
Posted 11/24/2013 11:22 PM (GMT 0)
I saw her "on" on skype. I typed her name. She responded with a skype call. I GOT TO TALK TO HER. Her every word was labored with a breath and her voice was more air than tone. She didn't make much sense but I am releaved that she may mentally be ok if she can remember her skype login info. I think she understands me, just cant put the words together and/or talking is hard. I know judgment isn't mine, but even in this condition, I seen no change. It seems if she could get off the bed and get access to something, she would use.
Posted 11/24/2013 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
Run Toto Run!!! Not to make light of your situation. You are hobbled by your affection or illusion of affection towards someone who can not respond to you fully. The object of your affection as you see that person does not exist today. I would say try to move on, seek counseling, and stay in the information loop if needed. You are harming yourself more by continually chasing this person. I pray things get better for you and that she finds peace.

Sandia
Posted 11/25/2013 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah, I am told to run and have been for about a year. I am one who will do what I feel is right though it may kill me. I tried several times (then deleted what I wrote) to explain my love for her. I can't see anyone understanding with potential for more mis-understanding.
Sandia, "I Am" pursued/pursues. I am thinking you know what I mean after reading your signature. This is the type of "chasing" mine is patterned after though I will fail and have failed often.
I am currently caring for 3 others that struggle with life skills and adiction. It is what I do and even more so since my ex fell back into drugs. I suppose you are only hearing from me because I have no one else to spill my heart pains to. Again, thank you for listning and responding.
Posted 11/25/2013 11:05 AM (GMT 0)
I hear your voice. It sounds like you have your hands full and need a place to talk. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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