Mom's personality worsened after being discharged from nursing home with ALD

Hello to everyone. I haven't posted about my parents progress for a long time. Both parents are alcoholics. In denial all of their lives. My first post was about my mom getting so bad off she couldn't walk. She spent a total of 8 months in 5 different places. The last being nursing home. She couldn't walk as her left foot is stuck in the drop foot position, pointed toe. She can walk now if she wears booties with a chunk 1.5" heel. There is nothing anyone can do about her ALD, CHF, COPD, respiratory failure, hernia in esophagus, and various other issues. It's a miracle she is alive. So that's Mom for now.

My Dad also went into the ER while Mom was in the nursing home. He passed out along at home from an HE episode. He spent about 6 weeks in hospital plus rehab for PT. He has Cirrhosis, Pancreatitis, Low platelets, and other issues. So he got home in January and did very well considering. He didn't drink. He ate well and followed doctors orders. We got very close during this time.

Sidebar: I am home bound and cannot drive out to their house. It's 1.5 hrs away.

So, Mom got discharged 3 weeks ago. My question right now is about how personalities change with an addict when sober. I am POA for her. She has been accusing me of stealing money, losing checks, keeping things from her. The list goes on. Everyday I was getting calls with questions. I left everything in order and checked off. She is trying to do their taxes. She is confused, agitated, angry. She's taking it out on me and most likely Dad.

I communicated my concerns with the nursing home about her discharge home to a caregiver who needs a caregiver himself to no avail.

I'm not handling her and this situation very well. I know I need to answer her questions and go on. But she immediately goes into a rant and yells at me. I'm letting her get to me. I don't know what to do.

My daughter wants to go see them on Sunday; however, I have my concerns if I go. This situation has gotten to me physically as well.

Is this a pattern someone who is very ill goes through? Anyone who has any info or experience out there I sure will take any advice you have. No better place than HW.

Hugs,
2W

Hi Themiz! Nice to hear from you! Thanks!

I understand what you're saying and you're right. They may be sober, I don't know. I spoke to the home nurse today and she said no changes except 2 lbs weight gain. I asked if it's from fluid, she said no. Mom only weighs 98lbs and only 5' tall.

Mom is stuck on her bank statements. She has the ones I got and when I get more I send them. She has changed back her address but that takes a little time. When they were both in the hospital we almost lost them both. Remember all that?! It was an awful time. I didn't want her paper stmts going to her house. I knew the banks would not forward. They change the address. There's some info for those who didn't know that. Now is when we are inbetween address changes. She calls about a certain month but I can't tell her which one I got and am sending as I do not open her mail. She doesn't want me to.

Like you said, what she's going through is normal for being gone so long. I don't know how much of this has to deal with her mental capacity from ESLD. HE could possible be the culprit. She won't tell me what the doctor says. At least I was able to get some blood word resuts while she was at the hospitals and nursing home. I plan to call her doctor after her visit next week. Maybe I can find out something.

Dad has changed too since she came home. He's back to the "I'm fine and so is your Mom" answers. He doesn't pay attention to what the nurse does or PT does for her. So I call them as well. His voice sounds different for some odd reason. I tell him he needs to help Mom and not leave her alone when she's upset, but he still has excuses for that. :-(

Only time will tell I suppose. I only got to get this close to anything about their life b/c of this long stint in the hospital. Otherwise, I wouldn't know anything. She refuses to talk about planning long term life situations such as her funeral. So I don't ask anymore.

They have been given a second chance at life. Not too many people get that. They do say they are grateful I am grateful! I hope I have a long time left with them.

Let me know if I overlooked an area or you have more advice. I appreciate what you told me. I'll not give up helping her. Keep advising me!

Big Hugs

This is 2Worried. I changed my profile name as I cannot allow my parents alcoholism to continue to affect me physically and emotionally. I am now RVSP578.

I hope everyone has a great day as best as possible. Hug to all.

- I came home from the hospital, 3 years ago in about the same state as your parents. I also refused, at times, to take the medication that seemed like it only made me sick. Even though it was explained to me what it was for, I was convinced (in my head) that there was some master plan that everyone was conjuring up to keep me sick and the meds were part of their "plan". That is what HE and lack of (alcohol) help did to me. It also made me, for a period of time, act like the most awful and nasty person in the world to my Mom. I didn't want to..tried to stop when it was happening.. I just couldn't.

Taking the meds and a 12 step program helped to end that part of ESLD for me. Al Anon was what helped my Mom deal with some of the same emotions that you're expressing.

One more thought - online banking? To help you view statements anywhere..

Take care,
Eyes