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Posted 2/13/2019 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all. I am new to this website and I hope I am in the right spot. My ex husband is currently in the final stages of liver failure due to alcoholism. His kidneys have also failed him. Although this is absolutely heart breaking to see, my main concern is for our daughter. She is 11 and understands a bit about what is going on, but I'm at a loss for how to help her. We have her in counseling, we talk about it when she wants to, she is prepared as much as she can be, but I am so worried about her. Is there anyone who has been through this and can give some advice? I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

Kelli
Posted 2/13/2019 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kelli and welcome,
So sorry to hear this news..

My wife was diagnosed with cancer in 2012.. she had surgery to remove the tumor. on her 6 month follow up, she had a recurrence. She started radiation, and she had severe complications. her small intestines were burned.. We have 2 daughters, about a year apart..They were seniors in high school.. I talked with their school counselor, so they would understand our situation.. We lived as normal as possible, and had palliative care/ hospice nurses and social workers visit us regularly. We talked about life, and how we would go on after death..I also wondered how the girls would handle her passing.. We saw mom on new years eve 2014, and went home around 7:30.. At 10:30 the hospitaled called with news...Their friends were there for them, as well as family.. Our school helped with the transition, while they were there, and were helpful getting them to graduation..When getting ready for college, one girl wanted to take a semester off. She had become depressed..The other girl started college right away..4 years later they are both successfully completing their majors..my younger daughter still deals with depression, but is getting all"A"s in her classes.

I think you are handling the situation very well. You have prepared your daughter for the passing.. My only advice would be, to talk with her school staff, about help with her days at school..Your hospice team can also be of help getting you two any resources and grief counseling..

My twin brother is also dealing with end of life liver disease. He couldn't stop drinking, until he needed a transplant..he has developed liver cancer while waiting.. We are just now accepting his fate, and his social worker has been absolutely great..

My best to you at this very difficult time..
Posted 2/20/2019 4:47 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Kelli, My child is a adult she handled my diagnosis of E.S.L.D (due to alcoholism) pretty much as well as can be expected. She was super interested in making me well. "South America has donor livers" She said to me as I reeled in horror. I would never get involved in benefiting some else's misfortunes. I explained that body organs are available in other countries but are mostly from illegal sources. We neither have the money or lack of lack of integrity to involve ourselves with that mess.
I currently am remarried and my wife has a daughter via her previous marriage.My step child was around 5 when I was diagnosed. She is 17 now, She knew I was sick to the point of death, It was painfully obvious. We are somewhat religious folk and she was raised with that instilled in her. We never know when our time is up. I'm still here and look as if nothing ever happened. I was told I had a maximum of 3 months to live my final days by my doctors. Liver, Kidneys just quit working. My kidneys came back from the damage after a week or so in a coma. The cheapest and best counseling we tried for stepdaughter was our religious family or church (as we call it.)
Lots of experience in dealing with death and how to cope comes from religious perspectives. What ever faith you have. We aren't promised tomorrow, We will die. It's part of the cycle of life. The same as with birth a exquisite flower
eventually concedes to withering away. Question is will she (or any of us) remember the beautiful rose, Or will it's thorny branches be yours or hers final memory of our loved ones.

A.Ziffle
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