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Posted 6/15/2006 2:22 PM (GMT 0)
my son, who has end stage liver disease has had a cold/cough for about a year.  he also has congestive heart failure.  lately his glands in his throat are very swollen, making it difficult to swallow.  he continues to drink despite all that is wrong with him.  does anyone know about the swollen glands.  any help would be welcome. 

haven;t heard much from lerie lately.  i hope she is alright.

                         chris

Posted 6/15/2006 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Chris! If your son has had this "cold/cough" for about a year, what does his doctor say? Is he seeing one at all? I remember months ago when you talked about him still drinking and not wanting treatment. Has he seen any medical professional at all since then? Swollen glands are usually an indication of infection of some kind. It could just be a sinus infection or allergy. Alcohol impedes the body's ability to fight off infection, as do cigarettes. I'll bet he doesn't have a good diet, either. Would he take vitamin C? I take 500 mg daily, and up it to 1000 mg a day when I feel like I'm coming down with a "bug" of some kind.

I've e-mailed Lerie several times and received no answer. I also hope she is okay, but we may never know.

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 6/16/2006 3:43 AM (GMT 0)
I don't know much about end stage liver disease, though I don't like the name. Does that mean doctors just give up on treating you for anything? Have you taken him to the emergency room? My lymph nodes in my neck swelled up like that and weeks later I ended up having to have them removed. Fortunately, they were not cancerous but were a sign of another, treatable problem(Sjogren's syndrome caused by hep C) and in part, to fighting infection (hepatitis) or from tx(interferon) for so long they just burnt out. At first they thought it was due to tooth decay, but at any rate, once they started slowly swelling, first it was swallowing, then drooling, then wheezing, and eventually probably death if untreated since I wouldn't be able to breathe. Funny thing was, my neck didn't seem that swollen, but they removed like ten glands. By the way, I've read that Sjogren's syndrome is supposed to increase my chances for lymphoma up to 44x the average person.

Usually, if something swells and doesn't go away and interferes with my ability to swallow (I'm a real baby) I figure it's not going to get any better on it's own. In fact, my son's lymph nodes swelled up so bad due to an allergic reaction that he ended up in intensive care intubated and nearly died--due to penicillin allergy that they couldn't seem to diagnose. They thought it was mono and kept giving him penicillin and nearly killed him and now he had epilepsy.

I think everyone deserves to be comfortable, I mean comfortable, whatever their state of health, and in control of their own destiny. Your son must not enjoy choking. It must affect his drinking somewhat. My grandmother died of ruptured esophageal varices due to cirrhosis of the liver, which made her choke too.

Also, to quote my own ill-fated words as a teenager, looking around at all the old rockers I knew, "Wow, it takes a long time to go from burned out to dead." And the way there is neither glamourous nor necessarily something to be proud of. The way you live on the other hand can be a source of pride and can provide enjoyment. I hope your son can realize this and quit his bad habits, even though things look bleak for him, because things can always become worse, suffering can become greater, and you can spread your unhappiness, bad mental hygiene, etc. I know a little what you're going through, I struggle with my teenage son to take his medicine and not to take drugs. I hate it.

I hope you both are ok and he gets better and that maybe this email will help.
Posted 6/16/2006 11:47 AM (GMT 0)
"Wow, it takes a long time to go from burned out to dead."

True. Just look at Keith Richards, who has reportedly been dead for 20 years. :0

Supposedly, of all the human emotions, the will to live is the strongest.

Connie
Posted 6/16/2006 2:53 PM (GMT 0)

hi cured 4 real,  you have much insight into so much of these problems it astounds me.

thank you for your reply.  i am just an old lady who has had this son of mine drink for 30 yrs.

after a while you get complacent about the whole situation but a son is of your blood and it is not as easy to just shove him off as it would be a distant relative.  Usually when he says he has a new affliction I read as much as i can about it on the net.  this is a waste of time as he cares not one bit about his situation.  when he had the edema so bad he had to be pumped out twice he was worried, but now that it is not coming back he thinks he is cured.  he forgets half of what is told him and continues to tell me he is fine.  i say no more.  what happens to him happens.  what angers me is the people on this forum who do everything possible to stay as healthy as they can.  I pray for them and hope God willl listen. 

thanks for your reply. i appreciate it.

                                          Chris

Posted 6/17/2006 4:17 AM (GMT 0)

I hope I didn't sound know it all, I didn't mean to.  Most of my friends have died.  I'm middle aged but was abandoned at 13 and grewup homeless on the street.  I have two substance abusing sons, one barely escaped a long prison sentence and the other has wolff parkinson white and grand mal seizures that can kill him by triggering sudden cardiac death, and he continues to abuse.  I have to check his room every night to make sure he is not dead, tonight was a bad night.  He is so young and beautiful not to care and I swore that when he reached 18 I was going to turn him out on his own, but when I did, he went through all his money on crack in three days and was having miniseizures when I found him. What could I do but bring him home.  He begged me to. 

You're right about the blood thing.  I was abandoned by my parents for something beyond my control, I never did the things my sons do.  To care so little.  I give you a lot of credit for finding a way to hang in there but keep your own sanity.  I'm struggling but am getting to the point where if he screams and yells for me not to call an ambulance or take him to the doctor, I just don't, unless he goes completely out or something.  I need to break free, as my youngest son is really draining me of my social security and not pulling his weight.  If they don't care, how can we?  I give you a lot of credit for being there, it's more than my parents ever were for me.  They wouldn't even visit me during interferon therapy though my husband and I pleaded with them to, even though they didn't know if I would live through my acute infection.  Sometimes I wish I could not care like they did, just turn my back, but they have turned there backs on my sons and I'm all my sons have as far as family that would take them in or take care of them.  You sound like a really good mom.

I think Keith Richards may have acheived zombie status by now.  I get scared watching Days, they just never age.

Posted 6/17/2006 1:45 PM (GMT 0)

Hi cured4real.    WOW      you are climbing a mountain and i am on the downslope of a small hill in comparison.  I feel like a total idiot complaining about my troubles when I read yours.

The government does not help financially as it can take a whole year to get the SSI.  Tht you would continue to care for your boys is unbelievable but I understand,  I would not abandon my son either.  But as you say you get complacent about them, after a while what they do does not hurt as much.  it still hurts, but you too have a life to live and the more you say to your sons about changing the angrier they get.  If you were not there for them what would happen to them. 

Outside of giving them a place to live, it sounds like nothing you can do will change them.

You are a saint to yur boys and they don;t even appreciate it.  Hopefully they will hit rock bottom and change but that is up to them.  Thanks for telling your story as it will make people take a look at their situation and figure and isn;t too bad.  May the Good Lord look down on you and help you.

                                                Chris

Posted 6/17/2006 5:49 PM (GMT 0)
"Hopefully they will hit rock bottom and change but that is up to them."

Chris, unfortunately substance abusers rarely hit bottom if they are continually rescued, and have food, a warm bed, and a roof over their heads, and can continue drinking and drugging. Have you or Cured4 ever been to Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meetings? They could be a help to you in physically and emotionally removing yourselves from your sons, in order to give them the opportunity to find their bottoms, and to preserve your sanity. Co-Dependency meetings helped me even more in dealing with my grown daughter.

I was out of the home at 18 and never had anyone to help me. I made a lot of unwise choices, but my victories were my own, also. Cured4, I think you can relate to this--and it's obvious you are a survivor with a capital S. I got involved with hard drugs for a while in my late 20s, and then alcohol. I kicked the drugs 39 yrs. ago, and the alcohol 20 years ago. I don't know if I could have done it if I had someone rescuing me. As it happens, the hep C and liver cancer are a direct result of the IV drug use, and avascular necrosis/osteonecrosis/hip replacements are from heavy drinking years ago. It all comes back to haunt us at some point.

In the case of family, and especially our off-spring, it is very difficult NOT to jump in to rescue them. That's maternal instinct. In the case of your son with medical problems, Cured4, it would be really hard to turn your back. Have you or Chris checked on detox facilities, half-way houses, etc.? There IS help out there.

Lots to think about and discuss, but this isn't a substance abuse forum...so I'd best get off that subject. :)

Have a good weekend!

Hugs,
Connie
Posted 6/19/2006 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
chris and cured,
I feel your pain so much from your posts,,,,,,Ive had alcoholic hubbies,but so far my children have not given me too much trouble,for which I am so thankful,,,Im not sure how I would handle myself in your shoes. Please keep looking for help for them,but most of all,try to find your own inner peace,,,,for your OWN health,,,take care
trish
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