End-stage liver failure.... please help me

smiley, God bless you in every possible way.  It feels like you are me a few years older!  I am 36 with Hep C and have been trying recovery with AA and NA and Women for Sobriety and alone for YEARS!  I am an alcoholic but prefer to attend NA because they more focus on "addiction" than "alcoholism" (I feel that I have an "addictive personality" not just with alcohol.)  My father is basically dying with end stage liver disease right now and caring for him and trying to understand has caused great stress.  After a period of really strong recovery, i am drinking each evening when i get home from caring for him.  I know that it is the worst thing for my life in general and for my HepC, but I've been reaching to it for the past few days.  When i read your posts, i see a woman so full of creativity and life and i am so very very sorry for all you are going thru.  I am on disability for depression (major - with many lethal suicide attemps in the past) and it is so bad for my illness worrying and taking care of Dad.  Thank GOD that i have not been suicidal in over 2 years.  Why we drink when we are overwhelmed and scared is because we have this DISEASE.  It is so very insane for us to drink when we are dying from a disease that drinking will progess, but it is our true nature.  Only other addicts / alcoholics can understand that.  As of tomorrow, i plan to put it away as I get so very sick in the morning and its extra hard to care for Dad.  How stupid and ironic is it that I watch a man die from something and am inflicting the same upon myself?!  Its hard to understand, but I know I'm a good person and i fight the shame (like you) of giving in.  Please keep your unbelievably great attitude dear!  You are an inspiration.  God bless you!!  Oh, by the way, I contracted the HepC from a ONE WEEKEND USE of intravenious drugs.  Never before, never again and I got it!!!  Wreckage of the past.

Thank you for this. My sister has sipsis and is still in the hospital after 3 weeks. She was addmitted with severe pain after laying in bed with a vodka bottle cradled between her legs for a year. She now has Alcoholic Hepatitis, anemia, parotinitis, hypotention, and now sipsis which I believe is a blood infection. She is in Atlanta and the nurses say it is under Goverment control. A CDC issue. She is sleeping more and more now. We had hope and still do. However we are given the impression that she will simply go to sleep and never wake up. If she does recover., she does not want to drink again. However, the AA programs she has always been in before have just enabled her to meet other alcoholics and she sets up anouther party group. I agree that AA does influence how to live without drinking, as I was a member for 10 years. The living life on lifes terms part of it was the best therepy I could ever receive for a meer $1 a day. My problem now is living with her lingering in the hospital and the waiting is tearing my Mother to shreads. I am going to see her tomarrow, per my Dad's request because she is not sleeping, not eating and has now lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks. The doctor put her on librium and she still will not take it. I am going down there tomarrow to help. It is so important now to take care of ourselves and be strong for others who are innocent victims of this disease. Your letter was such an inspiration to me. I wanted to thank you.
Mary

Thanks Connie~ I appreciate it. I used to be a great speller, now I think I rely too heavily on spell check and have gotten lazy. Sepsis makes more sence. Sort of like a septic tank. Word association works for me. Hope you are feeling well today.
Mary