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Posted 10/26/2007 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi...my name is Dave...I was diagnosed in Jan. 2006 with varices after going in hospital to have a gallstone blasted...have had numerous banding of varices since, with a major rupture Mar. 2007...ICU and 2 weeks later another...diagnosed with ascites April 2007...have tried 5 different antidepressants for depression..all with bad side effects...now using marijuana which works and helps greatly...living in a state without medical marijuana makes it illicit...Dr. will not put on transplant list because here it is illicit...chances of receiving liver if all criteria met 5 in 10...expectancy of living 2 yrs. after developing ascites, 50%...after developing varices 5 yrs...my dilemma, suffer with depression, aches, and pain, on chance of transplant, or have better quality of life for 2 or 3 yrs. I might have left...zero alcohol use since Dec. 2005, or other illicit drugs...honest opinions welcomed...ty 
Posted 10/26/2007 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
Dave, Welcome to the forum. We are not allowed to discuss use of illegal drugs on the forum but I do want to address other things. I am sorry you are going through so much now. My dad suffers from depression and it took trying several different medications before the doctor found one that worked for him. It sounds like you just want to give up. Don't think that it is hopeless. If you read some of the other posts here you will find there are people that are going through or have gone through some of the same things as you, and they are doing well. Some have had successful liver transplants. With cirrhosis there are a lot of ups and downs. Do you have family or friends that you can lean on? Isn't there a chance that you could eventally meet the criteria for the transplant list? My husband has cirrhosis with complications of portal hypertension, varices, ascites and encephalopathy. He also suffers from depression and back problems that causes him to be in a lot of pain. He is taking medication to control most of the problems. You can't believe all of the statistics you have been reading. If you do further research you will find that they are not always right. There are people here that have suffered with trips in and out of the emergency room, ruptured varices and ascites for several years and are doing better. I hope that you will find help for the depression and that you will make the transplant list. If you need someone to listen come back here. There are a lot of caring people that are always will to lend a ear. You will be in my prayers.
Posted 10/27/2007 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Dave and welcome. I am so sorry about your condition. You asked for an honest opinion and I am one to give it. Ask anyone here. I understand your dilema about quality of life verses quantity of life. Tell me where's the quality if you are not at your self. I don't consider being impaired as a quality. How do you keep care of yourself? Do you remember to take your meds when you are suppose to? Are you eating properly? Do you make all your doctor appointments? What you are taking to ease the pain has other side affects that maybe worse on your condition than you realize. You are taking away any chance for a longer and yes better quality of life for less pain now. Dave life is precious. Don't give up without a fight. So it means a more pain and yes it will also mean more aniety about your future. But you will not have much of a future if you continue the way you are going. Getting on the transplant list seems impossible to you right now. But is can be done. Just ask Okielady. She can tell you. If I upset you I am sorry, that was not my intention. Just trying to let you know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

PS Thanks Butterfly.
Posted 10/27/2007 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
Your welcome Pink Grandma. And thank you for always knowing what to say. Take care.
Posted 10/27/2007 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you both for the feedback....I am wondering what the estimated cost of a transplant is?
Posted 10/27/2007 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Dave, I am not sure of the exact cost. But if you have insurance it should take care of most of it. If my husband got a transplant our insurance was going to cover everything except for $100. Now I was told that the meds that are needed after the transplant may or may not be covered by my insurance. But I wasn't going to worry about that bridge until we got to it. At the evaluation for the transplant one of the people you see is the financial numbers chruncher. That's where we found out what was covered and what wasn't. I don't remember what the total was now. It was a year and 1/2 ago that my husband went through the eval process. Do you have any insurance? And do you have someone to be your support system? Take care. Thoughts and prayers.
Posted 10/28/2007 2:29 PM (GMT 0)
Dave, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. I have some experience with the use of antidepressants. I worked in a psych unit for several years. I can tell you that it is not uncommon for patients to have to try several different antidepressants before finding the one that works best for them. It is a difficult process for sure. If you understand that there is no ONE drug that works for everyone it may help you a little. I know that it is difficult for you to be patient especially when the issue is depression but believe me this is a common problem. There are many drugs on the market and your DR is trying to find the right one for you. If you are willing to go through the process of discovery you will be much happier in the long run. It normally takes 10 days for the medication to get to a theraputic level (regardless of which one it is). So by then you should be able to evaluate if that particular drug is working. I would suggest that you keep a journal of some sort. Sometimes it is helpful to sort out why something is working or not. It also is helpful to sort out your feelings. Details are important in defining what is going on with us physically and mentally. Sometimes there are patterns and/or triggers that set us off. With a journal you can track what is going on. This is just a suggestion Dave and I hope you understand that you are not alone. We are all on the journey together.
Posted 10/28/2007 3:44 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you...There are numerous concerns, one being the financial cost..Iam going to check with my insurance co. to see what they would pay on transplant before and after...seems avg. cost is 300,000 and another 20,000 for meds first year...and I believe you stay on expensive drugs quite a while or always...would be a shame if what I intend to live my kid is taken away by medical costs. And being single without partner would mean, for me, hiring someone to help the first year after, and likely some before transplant, from what I read...endless costs..
Posted 10/28/2007 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
Dave, I think your child would rather have you than an inheritance. It is not hopeless. A person can usually find help out there when it is needed. I found out last week that my husband lost his job and insurance (the official determination), and I am still not giving up. I am afraid of the future, but I am going to face it and cross each bridge as it gets here. Do you have family that can help with your child? I have never been one to ask other people for help but am realizing that a person needs others at times.

Take care of yourself, you are still in my prayers.
Posted 10/28/2007 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Amen to that Butterfly. Everyone needs a little help at some time in their life. Dave don't be too stubborn to ask someone. In your situation family or close friends really don't know how to help. Let them know. This is just too serious of a disease to take the journey alone. We can support you here online, but you really need someone to assist you in person. Thoughts and prayers.
Posted 10/28/2007 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
My mother is dying with Pancreatic cancer, and my family is in such turmoil over this that I don't want to burden them..plus they don't like to hear whining from me..I don't like to hear whining from me..have been told, by one I thought to be a good friend, tell me so..going in november 13 for another endoscope..will be my 5th or 6th since Mar. this year..my daughter is 27 now...I got custody of her when she was 4..she has a 6 week baby boy..a bright spot.
Posted 10/28/2007 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
Dave, I am so sorry that your family is going through so much. It is hard to understand why some people have to go through so much.

Grandchildren are wonderful. I have a 4 month old grandson myself. He makes everything worth while. And I am looking forward to more. You can always come here to whine. Know one minds. I've done it myself. It helps to get it all off your chest.
Posted 10/29/2007 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
Dave I am so sorry about your mom. Your cup runeth over. When my husband was sick and I was still working working full time it became so over-whelming to me but I didn't ask anyone for help. I thought that they should have known the I needed it. If I had it to do all over I would have asked my kids for help and his family too. Pride is a good thing but too much of it is not healthy. Does your daughter know about your condition? The whole trueth? Not just what you want to her to know. Grandkids are bright spots. They love unconditionally. My two sure have helped me get through some tough times and still do. Have a good evening.
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