end stage liver disease

HI I am new to this forum, i have been reading all the threads and everything rings true. my mother has been drinking heavily for many years. she has lost her job, her driving license, friends, and now her health and dignity. she has been in hospital for the last 5 weeks. the doctors have told us that she has only 5-10% of her liver working and do not know if she will make it. the last time she was in hospital for 7 weeks she was brought in for ascites, bleeding varices, jaundice, massive abnormal bruising, hypertension amongs other things. she was told then if she continued to drink she would die.  this is her rock bottom i thought, this will make her see sense.  she lasted two days and she was drinking again. this time the swelling was much worse, her legs, stomach, even her face were swollen to three times the size. again she has the varices this time her stomach and rectum had to be banded, she was told to be on a low sodium diet and was allowed out at the weekend.  by the time i took her back she was very sick, vomiting all the time, no energy very yellow.  they told us her kidneys were very badly dehydrated and put her on a sodium drip.  she is not getting any better, she is in a lot of pain.  yesterday she went for another ct scan and x ray.  i am frightened to go in to see her as i fear the worse. they seem to be confused as to what treatment to give her, should i keep asking them???? sorry for going on a bit,her partner is alone has no one to talk to so i feel as if i have to be his shoulder to cry on, but i want that too. i pray for another chance for her but a small part of me wants everything to be over so i and my mum do not have to go through it all again.  i feel so guilty at feeling that, but i do not see her coming off the drink when she gets out

 

 

 

Allie, I'm so sorry. Pink Grandma has said what I would have said-what you are feeling is absolutely normal. The guilt feelings you mentioned is something we all feel at one time or another. I also think that awful feeling of "What's next" is always hanging around too. The not knowing drove me crazy when my mom was sick. If you don't have family to help you thru this I hope you have a best friend you can call to give you some emotional support. I am sending you a hug now and you know that we are here for you.

Allie, I am so sorry that things are so confusing and distressing right now. The choice to drink or not is solely your moms decision. Unfortunately, the brunt of caretaking falls in your lap. Are you attending any therapy meetings? There may be some in your area that are free and I would suggest that you attend if there are. You need help in coping with her disease and the affects that this has all had on you. Try not to be too confused with all the input you are getting from the Dr's. The fact remains that she has liver disease and apparently is unable to comply with Dr's orders to not drink. When one Dr tells you she's OK that may mean that at this stage in her disease she is not at death's door. Another Dr may say she is seriously ill and will continue to deteriorate. Maybe you should ask each one to be "specific" when they tell you something that conflicts with what the other one told you. Don't be afraid to say to them. "What exactly do you men when you say that". You can ask that over and over again until you are satisfied that you understand. Tell them that you are confused and need them to be specific with their comments.